Frogstar Peninsula Hexcrawl v0.2

May 29, 2014, 6:53 am

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Ugh.  I've been typing for so long I feel nauseous.

I chose the Frogstar Peninsula for my first hexcrawl.  It's the only place in Centerra where you can see the Frogstar in the sky.  I wrote some rumors for it a couple of days ago.

So here's the area of Centerra that's getting turned into a hexcrawl.  I've never done a hexcrawl before, so a I figure that a 16x16 grid of 8-mile hexes would cover a decent area.

I was fucking wrong.  128 miles is nothing on a big world map like this one.

Anyway, I made the hex map.  That doesn't look so hard to fill out!  That doesn't look so big!

Except it is big.  16 x 16 = 256.  Even if I didn't fill in the water tiles, I'd still be writing 125 entries.  That's on par with that giant bullshit House of Hours thing I wrote once.  (And that thing is halfway to having an actual PDF.  It's just LARGE and WEIRD and STRANGELY HUGE).

(I wonder how much work it would be to cover the whole continent of Centerra with hex crawls?  Is that a good life goal?  I'm 26, and I don't know what good life goals are anymore.)

Anyway, I plan for the Frogstar Peninsula to be a good spot for levels 1-3.  It will have 10+ mini dungeons (<10 rooms) and 3 full-size dungeons.  The TREE PALACE OF THE APE KING, the WATERFALL WARRENS, and the SECRET FROGSTAR DUNGEON THAT DOESN'T EVEN APPEAR ON THE MAP.

Honestly, I'm more excited about the mini dungeons.  My favorite part of any Zelda game is taking time out from the epic main quest to investigate some random hole in the ground, and then being delighted when the hole in the ground has more than 1 room.  Because I never know what I'm going to find in those random mini dungeons.  Big epic dungeons, I got expectations.

Starting Out

I have given some thought to how to start players out.  They could enter from the civilized direction: Fort Forello, on the southern border.  They could land in one of the harbors from god-knows-where.  Or they could be passengers on a ship that is attacked by pirates, and then either escape to shore or join up with pirates.  Or they could be prisoners on a ship that is attacked by pirates, and make their escape through the hole that the catapult stones tear through the wall.  That would be cool.

Spoiler Warning

If you happen to be already playing on the Frogstar Peninsula, you should probably stop reading now.  You know who you are.  Yes, you in the loincloth.  And your friend in the puffy pirate shirt.  Stop reading.

Or if you keep reading, just skin through it really fast.  I mean there's 125+ entries.  No way are you going to remember more than a smidge of this stuff.  I can't remember more than a smidge of this stuff.

Stop Procrastinating and Show Me the Entries

I reference the Book of Mice a few times in here.  It's a pdf bestiary I wrote.

CAUTION: These entries are very big (17,000 words) and may bog your computer.

0111POETSNPCsObvious

A quartet of gossamer-sailed pleasure barges are moored together.  They are filled with teenage nobles from Trystero, as well as their vast retinue.  They are fulfilling the aristocratic tradition of celebrating adulthood by travelling the world and describing it in poems.  So there's that, but there's also 1d3 bottles of magic wine and a metaphorical whirlpool of teenage drama.

0114ANGELSPITTownLandmark

Generations of buildings have been slurped into the swamp, with successive construction just adding to the top.  Your grandfather's attic is your basement, now filled with mud, moss, and frogs.  Basements flood constantly, and so poorer folks use them as greenhouses, and cultivate snails and frogs.  And everyone's poor in Angelspit.

There are mounds of snail shells on every corner.  Handshakes are given with sticky fingers, redolent of snail slime.  People keep pockets full of live snails; they are handy snacks (squelchy and impossibly rubbery, but not bad).  And fried frogs are the pinnacle of the local cuisine (many dipped in delicious sauces and chutneys).  The Saucy Frog and the Pissy Bishop are the two local taverns.  “Fishguts” McGee is the harbormaster, belly as taught and as round as a cannonball.  Harkness is the local provisioner, and doesn't let his fetishes get in the way of selling the party torches and rope (much).  Annabelle is the local herbalist, and can knows some minor healing spells.

Most of the town is dedicated to the harbor.  It's a rough neighborhood.  Sailors, trappers, whores, regretful botanists.  And the mosquitoes are legendary.  They form a cloud over the roofs, along with the birds that hunt them.

. . . .Missing GirlQuestObvious

Most of the locals are still talking about a missing 9-year-old girl.  Her name is Threnody.  A lot of the locals believe that the witch kidnapped the girl, probably to eat.  That's what witches do, right?  Threnody's mother is offering a 20s reward for bringing the daughter back to her dingy, snail-infested shack, as well as all the frog jerky the PCs can carry.

. . . . Bilge ShiversQuestObvious

The locals also talk about the recent epidemic of bilge shivers, a disease that normally only affects sailors who piss off mermaids.  It causes extreme trembling and the expulsion of salty fluids from both ends.  

The closest Angelspit has to a doctor is is the local herbalist, Annabelle.  She believes that this epidemic is being caused by something in the swamp.  She is prepared to offer 100s and a pair of enchanted onions (treat as potions of cure light wounds), half up front.  (Annabelle has some small magical talents.)  If the PCs agree, she will also give them a dozen fresh-picked water-lilies.  Drop the water-lilies in the water, and they'll turn blood red the closer they get to the source of the plague.  Deeper red equal nearer to the source.  She suspects the witch, but isn't sure.

She'll also give the PCs the warning, “If it is the witch, don't touch anything in her hut!  Leave everything where it is.  Witches put curses on everything that they own.”

. . . .Annabelle the HerbalistNPCObvious

Annabelle is a level 2 magic user.  Late 20s.  Brown hair in a bun.  Freckles.  Wears practical overalls and gloves.

Annabelle's shop is on the second and third floors of a building that is leaning so severely that it touches its neighbor over the alleyway.  Even from the street, it windows are visibly packed with plants and growing things.  There's a young warehouse guard named Lee who is smitten with Annabelle.  He has a 25% chance to be here during normal business hours, flirting and fretting over Annabelle's hands.

Those two unsteady floors are filled floor to ceiling with live plants of all types (and relatively few snails, thankfully).  There's also an excellent view of the harbor.  Her cat is Winny, and she is a grey and thoughtful.  She also babytalks a cluster of fanged flytraps, and keeps a very dangrous mandrake in a back room in case of emergencies.  From these cramped floors, Annabelle sells flowers to lovesick sailors and herbs to ailing mothers.  

She is also a liar.  Nothing in the swamp is causing the illness—she is.

Annabelle was once the apprentice to the witch, Myzrael. . . but then she ran away.  There's some bad blood there, and each woman feels like the other treated them unfairly.

Annabelle has decided to study magic in earnest.  The easiest way for that would be to kill Myzrael, the witch, but she is not powerful enough for that.  Easier to get someone else to do it, and then recover Myzrael's books and reagents from the now-defenseless hut.  And she gets to finally kill that horrible old hag, who deserves it.

So, Annabelle has been getting people sick with bilge shivers.  No one's died—her medicines have seen to that—but they've just been laid up in bed for a while.  And the water lilies that she gives to the PCs aren't enchanted to detect the source of the disease; they're enchanted to detect the witch.

0212WHALERSNPCsSpecific

Three dozen whalers happily sing songs as they butcher a whale in the shallows here.  It will take 2 days.  After filling the water with whale blood and sharks, they will camp on the shore, drunk and happy with the all the valuable oil in their hold.

0213WRECKAGESpecific

Ship wreckage floats among the brine-bog.  Bloated corpses.  Curious mermaids keep their distance.  1d12 items are recoverable from the wreckage, 2 items found/hour.  Mostly rope, rum, and wood.

0214DROWNED CITYObvious

Algae-covered statues and slime-slicked streets are visible beneath the surface of the water.  Herds of luminescent orange piranha swim down the drowned avenues.  A few statues break the surface, their hands raised in benediction.  The statues are of bog mermaids.  Every full moon a few demonologists meet here and attempt to commune with spirits.

0215LIZARD LICKERSNPCsSpecific

A hidden community of lizard lickers live here in brightly colored tents.  They lick lizards and then stare into the sun, blissed out.  Most are malnourished and half-insane.  They are strange and friendly, but can turn violent quickly if someone judges or mocks them.  A panther has been slowly leisurely picking them off, one by one, but they are too stoned to notice yet.  The lizard lickers are well-equipped for swamp life and have many useful tools, including rowboats with painted eyes.  Their leader wears a ring of speak with reptiles.

0301OFFSHORE TOWERSNPCsObvious

See page XX

0311DEAD PIRATES

Nine pirates on the sand, dead to the last man, victims of a heated disagreement.  A halfway buried treasure chest is ajar, with only 3 gold coins remaining.  Footprints lead away.  The pirates have lots of pirate clothes and a few interesting things.  Yawn lizard gun.  Bone flute.  Carving of a mermaid (very masterfully done).  Letter of introduction to a death priest in Gengrimon: “Most Honorable Death Priest Vuzhj, allow me to introduce Captain Clayshanks and his men.  Although they are outsiders, I believe that they may be the ones best suited to help us with our little problem.  I have promised them 20,000 silver coins upon completion—I trust this will be a simple matter for a man of your resources. . .”

0312FRAGRANT MOTHER

Enormous Swamp plant.  20 feet tall, crowned by an enormous red blossom.  40 tons of plant biomass.  Subtly intelligent.  More emotive than clever.  Petals are huge and silky.  This is the fragrant mother (but due to translation difficulties, it might also be calling itself “smelly woman” or “perfumed vagina”).  

It constantly releases pollen with psychoactive properties.  Anyone approaching within 100' of it must save vs charm or become enraptured, and feel compelled to walk closer, to caress.  Once within 30', the plant will pick up the PC with a tendril, put a flower in the PCs face, and inhale.  The flower smells you, and it can read your emotions and intent (as ESP).  If it doesn't like what it smells, the flower opens up into a O'keefian vagina dentata and swallows the person whole.

It's not malicious or evil, but it is uncaring, and has no understanding of our morality.  If shit really hits the fan, it will release berserker pollen.

Fragrant Mother

HD 14

AC 12 (double damage from slashing)

Tendrils +10/+10 (grab) (30' reach, has 10 HP, can be cut to free grabbed person)

Swallow automatic (2d6 acid damage each round)

Move 0

Save 6+

Sniff: can read minds, emotions, and intentions by smelling you closely

Happy Pollen: 100' aura, save or be charmed, then approach within 30'

Sleep Pollen: 100' aura, save or fall asleep

Angry Pollen: 100' aura, save or be enraged, must attack a random creature each turn

tended to by sprites

wants you to plant their sapling and come back in a year

frog dudes can harvest the seed of rejuvination

is also a six-room mini-dungeon

[frogling loot room, legendary flute] [sprite apartments] [glowing pools, random powers]

[dream pool] [spirits in the wood] [sprite library]

0313MOSQUITO MEN

Four mosquito men share a meal of a living sheep (feels no pain, soon to collapse).  They are overcome with ennui and nihilism.  They are lost, and have no way to bring blood to their females.  Since this was previously their only goal in life, they're having a crisis of existence.  They may offer to buy blood off the PCs for 20s.

0314HILL OF STICKS

Despite the bog being quite deep here, there is a huge mound rising out of the swamp, made entirely out of sticks (a bit like a beaver dam).  There is a faint smell of burning peat, and several deep channels of bog water stretch out in all directions.  Vibrant blue dragonflies skim the surface among lush red water-lotuses.

This is the secret city of the bog folk (think swamp mermaids).  They were thought to be extinct, but that proved harder than expected, since they sometimes hibernate in cold mud for decades.  A couple of warm years have revived enough of them to build a working population, but they are still an endangered species.

This is where you'll find King Zaroob (glum, hungry) and his Shaman Griplock (playful, ambitious).  Both want to rebuild their society, but King Zaroob wants to scour the bog for more hibernating bog people immediately, while Griplock wants to get the algae farms running again, as well as regain their favor with the Fragrant Mother (she currently favors the sprites—plants have bad memories).

0315ALBINO CROCODILE

Crocodiles sun themselves beside the willows.  One of them is twice the size of the others.  The bog people call him Whiteback.  He is old, cautious, nearly blind, and much smarter than his brethren.

0402BLUE FROG TEMPLE

See page XX.

0403MUSCULAR CLERIC

Tempus the muscular cleric practices his boxing forms amid the crashing surf.  He worships St. Ferragun, the patron of wrestling and fair fights.  His favorite thing is to heal his opponent after defeating them in a duel.

0411MONKEYBACK JACK

Monkeyback Jack and his band of bloodthirsty pirates have built a small fort in this tributary.  This is where they hoard their treasure and hold court with the shaggy apes of the swamp.  Some pirates have families living here.  35 people live here, a population that doubles when the pirate ship is back to resupply (as it currently is).  It hold 11,000 gp worth of treasure.

0412WARNING SIGNS

Someone has put up a bunch of warning signs, cautioning people to go no further, as there is a giant carnivorous plant up ahead.

0413STRANGLE VINES

Three full grown strangle vines have grown fat and huge in these trees.  Long loops of leafy vines are visible high in the treetops, but most newcomers will only notice the pile of shiny stuff beneath the vines.  There's about two dozen skeletons (including 3 human and 1 bog person), as well as a breastplate (frog insignia), rotted crossbow, 14 bolt, 5 gold, 54 silver, 21 copper, a bottle filled with water and mosquito larva, and a coil of sturdy rope with a grapple.

0414SWAMP OGRES

A simple hovel, barely big enough to house the four ogres that live in it.  At any given time, only 1d4-1 of them will be here.  Hanging from a nearby tree is an enormous burlap sack with a bunch of stunted apples from 0913, a 10 lb bag of rice, and two live sheep.

0415RED FROG TEMPLE

See page XX

0501RAI STONE

6' tall rai stone on cliff overlooking the ocean.  As anyone in Angelspit or Soggybottom will tell you, it belongs to the Red Road Trading Company, for whom it represents a vested worth of 5000s.  Although it is partially buried, a determined party could move it.

0502LONELY OLD MAN

Small cottage.  Slightly insane but not unpleasant.  Used to have a dog, but it ran away (See #0910) because the dog didn't love him.  Doesn't want to get another pet because of possibility of rejection.  Terrified of cities and towns, but loves visitors.  Desperate not to be left alone.  Possibility of crying.  Has 120s buried beneath bed and a 200g is treasure-dollars (redeemable only on the island of Foxentown).

0503MERMAID CLIFF

One of the sea folk, a mermaid named Vanfhua-Ji is sitting on a rock, waiting for someone to notice her.  She needs a message sent to a woman in Drytop, and then to hear the reply.  In return she is offering to pay with a clamshell stuffed with pearls (worth 400s).  Alternatively, she could provide some other mermaid stuff (e.g. Anchovies of Water Breathing) but the PCs will have to barter. 

0510MOSQUITOES

Absolutely thick with mosquitoes.  Con check or catch hot pox.  1d3 days from now, fever that lasts 3d6.  Only bed rest is possible.  Need lots of hydration.  You see a prickling haze around the sun during that time.

0511TREE PALACE OF THE APE KING

See page XX

0512GARGANTUA BONES

Huge sun-bleached bones reach up from the mire.  Some are covered with wiry black vine-moss.  Arranged loosely in a circle, although some have fallen over.  At nights, bog folk congregate here, hang oil lanterns from the trees, and try to conduct trade + socializing.

0513BROKEN TOWER

Remains of a failed attempt by the Keldish to build a lookout tower on a small hill in the swamp.  The project failed abjectly, and the tower is now in a perpetual state of overgrown decay.  It has a ground floor and a second floor, but no roof above that.  Rangers still sometimes use it as a rest stop and a landmark.  It can also be used to get a look of the surrounding area.  However, the tower is also home to 5 shaggy apes.  (50% chance that they are out foraging during the day.)

0514FROG STATUE

Birds, insects, wind.  Everything in this area seems to make the same three notes.  The effect is centered on an enormous frog statue sitting in the bog.  40' tall and made of moss-colored (oxidized) copper, it squats on its haunches with its mouth closed, looking disapprovingly at the heavens.  

The three notes of increasing pitch are part of a progression.  If the fourth note is sung, it harmonizes with the first three, and the mouth of the frog statue snaps open.  Grappling hooks make entry trivial.  The inside of the frog is filled with six feet of brackish water and a harmless insect larva.  After the first person passes fully inside the mouth of the frog, it will snap shut, trapping them inside for 24 hours.

After 24 hours are passed inside the frog, the person inside the frog gains 1 point of Wisdom, assuming they haven't drowned yet.  Additionally, the entangle spell gets entered into their memory, where it will linger for 1d6 days before fading; during that time, they can cast it normally (even if they are not a wizard).  Wizards can also enter it into their spellbook.

0515 CROCCUS VICTIMS

A pair of merchant guards are treed, hiding from the seven hungry, patient crocci lurking in the reeds below.  The two guards are feverish and will die in 1d6 days without medical aid.

0601BELCHER'S LIGHTHOUSE

See page XX

0602LEVIATHANS

While the party is walking along the cliffs, a pair of leviathans will erupt from the ocean less than a mile away.  The larger one (500' long, insectile) chases and catches the smaller one (400' long, serpentine).  Then it beats the smaller leviathan to death on the rocks and leave it there.  It's tail waves out into the surf like a highway.

2d6 glittering scales, each as broad as a man's spread hand, fly over the side of the cliff and land near the PCs.  These scales are green and gold, and are worth 10s each.  

If the PCs climb down onto the corpse, they can pry off more of the glittering scales: 1d6+Str bonus per round.  Additionally, there is a silvery harpoon stuck in the leviathan's face, a few feet below its eyeball.  It takes a round to run over to the harpoon.  It takes another turn and a Strength action to pull it free.  However, it is a +1 harpoon of serpent-slaying.  It also casts cure poison on things when it does at least 5 damage to them.  Whenever it does maximum damage to a poisonous creature, that creature's poison is neutralized until more can be produced (usually a couple of days).

After 1d6 rounds of this, the leviathan stirs, because it isn't quite dead.  It vomits blood, shudders, and begins to rouse itself.  Any PCs on or near the leviathan must make a Dex check to get back on the cliffside (+2 if they discard all of the scales in their arms).  PCs that fail their save are thrown hard enough onto the cliffside to take 3d6 damage.  Then the beast dives back into the ocean, washing everything into the ocean.  There is a tiny, rocky beach at the base of the cliff.

If the party has a bunch of scales, they can be made into excellent armor.  30 scales can be made into a scale mail shirt that gives bonuses as a breastplate but penalties as leather.  45 scales can be made a full body suit that gives bonuses as full plate but penalties as as a breastplate.  There are no master armorcrafters with the skill to make this armor on this hexmap, but a village armorer can attempt it with a 50% success chance (failure ruins the materials).

0603SINKING FARMS

A pair of farms sinking into the mud.  They've been abandoned for years.

0604Soggybottom

See page XX

0605FISHING FLEET

Nine boats, out there just about every morning.

0609WATERSPOUT CAVE

See page XX

0610SECRET COVE

A family of 6 bog folk live here, raising fat swamp eels and several prodigious catfish.  The witch has sent crocodiles to smash their catfish pens and, if possible, eat a family member or two.

0611MAMOONA GROVE

Twenty-nine mamoonas (dog-sized, freshwater whales) live in this section of the swamp, amid the wreckage of a barge.  The rudder of the barge is raised from the water, and on it someone has carved an amateurish picture of town life.  For some reason everyone seems to have dog legs, or at least have an extra joint.

0612CROCCUS NEST

A grove of mangrove trees covered with moss and brambles.  Chirps and warbles occasionally drift over the thicket.  Inside, Croccuses are having their annual mating season dance-offs.  Any interruptions will be eaten.  There are 18 croccuses in this lek.

0613WICKER BASKETS 

Wicker baskets containing human remains hang from the trees here.  Docile swamp mantas suck the slime off submerged rocks.   Three thieves are here with two boats, and they don't want to be seen or disturbed.  They are looking for a diamond that they hid at this location, but now they cannot find.  Anyone diving for the diamond has a 1% cumulative chance of finding it for every 6 hours searching.

0614INSECT TREE

This large tree resembles a giant cluster, with thick skin mottled between bright purple and dark green.  Players who approach them hear a slight hum and crackling in their head.  Animals avoid this place, and it is a safe place to spend the night.  However, anyone who spends more than a few minutes in the area will suffer powerful headaches and mild amnesia, and will lose access to their active (non-passive) class abilities for 1d6 days.  Attacking the cacti is a Bad Idea.

Some sort of resonance between the tree and the insects has created a sort of intelligence in them.  All sorts of insects live in this cactus-tree, but especially dragonflies, cockroaches, water striders, and mosquitoes.  They can read minds, but are not telepathic.  

These insects want to learn more about the world, and are eager to obtain some books, especially spellbooks.  If the PCs prove to be trustworthy, the insects might even ask them to help colonize a new area of the swamp.  This will require planting a branch from the psycho-cactus, and well as carrying a bunch of bugs around in your pocket.  They have no money or treasure, but in exchange they can share share a lot of information about what's going on in the swamp.  They know of the bog people vs ape feud, for example.  They know what's going on in the adjacent hexes, and they've seen bog people playing a flute in order to make the frog statue in #0514 open its mouth.  They're even willing to send along a bug with you—a bug of your choice (cockroach, eh?)--to assist in future endeavors by reading the minds of people around you.

If attacked, the bugs will swarm.  Use swarm rules (weapons do 1 damage unless they're set on fire, torches deal 1d4, AoE does double) and the insects bite for 1d4 damage per round automatically.  There are a few poisonous spiders lurking on the tree, so if the PC is near enough to the tree, they'll get a bite from those spiders as well (Easy +2 save or die).

0615CROCODILE BUTCHERY

Two ogres are butchering a huge crocodile.  It's sweaty work, and they pass a bottle of fermented swamp cow milk back and forth between them.  Their armor hangs from a tree branch (their AC is now 10).

0701 DREAM DRAGON CORPSE

A strange creature has washed up on the beach, bloated and stinking.  It looks like a cross between a jellyfish, a kelp seahorse, and a dragon.  A carpet of insects and vermin are devouring its gelatinous flesh and delicate brain.  There are some exceptionally large houseflies and crabs here, up to five times their normal size.

This is the corpse of a dream dragon, a poorly understood creature that swims in the black oceans beneath the bedrock beneath the continents.  It's very far from home.  The vermin that feast on it are growing huge and weird.  If the corpse is not disposed of, a horde of giant insects will attack Soggybottom in 3 days time.

If a PC digs through the teeming mass of feasting vermin and eats some of the dream dragon, they will grow 6” taller and get +1 Strength.  Then, they must make a save.  If this save is failed, they will permanently fly into an insane rage, and will attack and devour everything, beginning with whatever seems most helpless and least aggressive.

0702CLIFF BOAT

Decades ago, a freak wave picked up a ship and lodge it between two cliffs.  Though the sails have all rotted, the ship still remains there.  Flaking paint reveals that the ship was once called the Black Albatross.

The Albatross is about 20' above the waves.  The easiest way to get into it is to swim 200' out into the brine and climb up the anchor chain, since the anchor is firmly on the bottom.

The ship is a frequent hangout for teenagers from the nearby town of Soggybottom.  The deck of the ship has been painted to resemble a miniature map of the Frogstar Peninsula.  The captains room has a bed with neatly folded sheets beside it.  On the floor there are wine bottles, dried rose petals, and a single glove.  The crew's quarters has been cleared out, and the walls are filled with graffiti.

Apparently, it's tradition to write on this wall before running away.  A lot of the graffiti mentions running down to Fort Fargello and “leaving this shithole” or catching a ship.  Some of the graffiti mentions that the merfolk in 1204 can be persuaded to stop and chat if you throw them gifts of booze.  Some of the graffiti tells of romantic liaisons with mermaids—apparently mermaids possess a method for instilling water-breathing in a land creatures (see also: anchovies on page XX).

0703ABANDONED FARM

Appears to be an recently abandoned farm, mostly unremarkable.  The place is tidy, and cleared of valuables.  Crops still grow in the field (mostly pumpkins).  A small herd of cows is badly needing milking.  There's no food to be found.  There are chairs shoved underneath the empty bookshelves.  It smells of pipesmoke.  A single chicken egg has rolled under the kitchen table.  The lock on the back door is broken.  The fireplace is bricked up.  A huge pile of dirt is sitting in the backyard, just off the steps.  Aside from that, the house is extremely tidy.  Nothing out of place.

It's not obvious yet, but there are 9 dwarves secretly hidden beneath the house.  When their ship sank (See 1204) the surviving dwarves grew desperate and afraid.  Their (non-dwarven) captain drowned, and they are too dull (read: robotic) to think of a way home.  They set out to find the nearest humans that could guide them home.

The first encountered this farmhouse, occupied by the Murchenson family (Mr., Mrs., and 14-yr-old son).  They captured the family and excavated an dirt hidey hole beneath the house.  In that hidey-hole, the dwarves will determine which of the three humans is best suited to lead them back to civilization.  The other two will be killed and made into jerky, along with a bunch of food on the farm.  The dwarves have only just begun this task.

There is no dirt in the house because the dwarves swept.  They do serve the 12 gods of toil, after all.

If the party sneaks quietly into the house, they may hear the dwarves talking quietly beneath the floorboards, interviewing the Murchensons about their leadership abilities (the dwarves will fall silent as soon as their hear footsteps above).  If the party sleeps in the house, they will be ambushed by the dwarves during the night.

The dwarves are not unreasonable, but they are completely amoral.  They need to return to their home of Wotansk, a location that no local person has ever heard of.

0708FAILED FISHING CAMP

Decrepit shacks.  Rotted docks with a sunken ship beside it (mast still visible).  Torn fishing nets.  Carpet of fish bones between the buildings.  There is evidence of someone recently trying to fish from the dock, and a recent campfire.

A 1st level rogue hides here, fleeing Drytop after murdering his employer.  His name is Vodesk the Ship-Builder, but he will give a false one.  He's skittish, paranoid, desperate, and very hungry.

0709STINKING HOLE

Grassy fields with clusters of trees.  Cicada drones.  Cool ocean breeze.

A shallow, sandy pit.  30' wide, 5' at the deepest point.  There is a rotten, rancid smell, and no plants grow near the pit.

In truth, this is where a famous pirate, the Zombie King, has buried some of his treasure.  Unable to get it into his ship, he commanded some of his undead servants to hide the treasure somewhere he could return for it, and then bury themselves on top of it.  

If the sand in the pit is disturbed, 16 zombies will emerge from it over the course of three rounds.  Buried 7 feet down is a chest containing 20g, 600s, a quartet of veritum candlesticks (worth 20s each) wrapped in purple silks (worth 100s total), and an ornate pipe in the shape of a skull (10s).

0710FROG TOTEM

Tall trees rustle in the breeze.  A frog totem marks the edge of the swamp.  A bowl at the totem's feet hold offerings of teeth (mostly animal).

There are six beastmen hiding in this hex.  They are being hunted by the rangers from Fort Farello.  Inside a small tent , the beastmen's Speaker lies slowly dying.  She was badly injured by a ranger's arrow, and is now laying in an inch of swamp water, her eyes unfocused.

Beastfolk males have the heads of animals, and so they can only make animal noises with their mouth.  Beastfolk females look just like human women, except for the cloven feet.  Beastfolk usually travel with a wife or two.  These are their Speakers, translators who usually speak a few languages.

If the beastfolk think the PCs look dissimilar enough to rangers, one of the beastmen may approach and ask the PCs for healing (while the other 5 remain in hiding nearby).  Their charades are crude and grunting, and they still look a bit threatening even when their heavy axe is in a loop on their waist.  

If the PCs attempt to heal the Speaker but fail, the beastfolk with suspect treachery.  Unless they can be quickly reassured, they will attack.

If the PCs successfully heal the Speaker, the beastfolk will be enormously grateful.  They can offer the PCs vegetarian rations, water, a bow of black yew, 20 arrows, a fish trap (works great in the bog), and a poisonous snake in a leather bag.  They'll also send one of their own members along with the PCs.  He'll follow them as a hireling for 2 weeks, then bow deeply and leave to regroup with his fellows.

0711MYZRAEL THE WITCH

See page XX

0712SWAMP GAS

The ferruginous surface of the swamp here is covered with an iridescent crust.  There are acrid smells in the air, like rotten eggs and burnt matches.  People entering will become very dizzy if they fail a save (-2 to hit until the hex is exited).

At night, will-o-the-wisps dance along the surface of the water.  Green lights billow and leave smoky contrails.  They vanish when they are approached, seemingly to reappear more distant.

0713BANYAN

This enormous tree is known as a zone of truce among the swamp-dwellers.  This is where the men of the Fort will bring their payments to the apes.

The tree is currently watched over by 9 shaggy monkeys and 2 fanged apes.  Roll reactions as normal, but regardless of the result, neither the apes nor monkeys will initiate an attack.

0714DEAD BOA

There is a enormous snake in the branches of this tree (30' to 40' long).  It has apparently just swallowed something, since there is an enormous bulge in its belly, about the size of a human.

Upon closer inspection, the snake is dead, having choked to death.  Inside its throat is a dead bog man wearing a harness.  Strapped to him is a bag of catfern nuts (treat as 1 ration), a blowgun, and 3 poisoned darts (easy +4 save vs paralysis).  His name was Omrelom, and his family will be very grateful to have his body back.  (Bog folk funerals involve a lot of floating candles.  The corpse is cremated.)

0715PEAT CUTTER

Gormaine the peat cutter works here from his small cottage.  He's currently smoking some sausages.  He'll sell some peat to the party for a reasonable price (3c a bundle).  Gormaine also buries the bodies of criminals and vagabonds that the Keldish knights don't want in their graveyard.  He's got 5 bodies stacked behind his cottage, awaiting burial underneath coarse blankets.  3 men, a woman, and a child.  He'll tell the PCs that these are all cultists that the Keldish knights caught trying to flee arrest.

0803MADMAN

Rugged shore.  Beach of crushed shells, filled with smelly kelp drying in the sun.  Tiny flies uninterested in people.  Madman wearing a loincloth gathers armfulls of shells, then discards them.  Will offer to sell “magical” shells to the party, and will “put a curse” on them if they refuse.  He has no magical power.  His name is Tam, and he is well known to the merfolk, as he is fond of chasing them into the water while screaming.  They rescue him sometimes and tease him constantly.

0804DEAD HORSE

Man sits beside the road atop two largish sized chests, both full of books.  Beside him is a dead horse.  His name is Rigaton the Ironbrow, and he's actually well-known in Trystero as a herbalist of some renown.  He knows a lot about plants, but his bodyguard robbed him and took his money.  And now his horse has died.  He wants desperately for someone to convey him and his books to Angelspit.  And would you like to buy a dead horse?

0808 DROP FLOWERS

A field of drop flowers (see the Book of Mice).  In the middle of the field is the corpse of a horse and a man.  This is Melchun, the bodyguard who robbed the botanist in #0804.  He is carrying a tent, 3 days rations, an empty waterskin, a mosquito-net hat-drape, a crossbow with 10 bolts, and a beautiful longsword (worth 3x the normal amount because of craftsmanship).

0809OWL STATUE

Atop small hill, there is a 15' tall owl statue.  It is made of clay and painted with red and green triangles.  The head moves—ever so slightly—to observe events and watch people approach.  This is a prison stone, and there is a 400 year old bog folk druid inside it (7th level, owns a cursed trident).  

The big problem with the prison stone spell is that the person is conscious the whole time, and can see out the front of the stone.  This tends to make people insane.  The revolving owl face is a concession to allow for more interesting things to look at, to minimize the risk of insanity.

If the statue is smashed open, the bog-merman inside will be released.  Roll 2d6 for reaction as normal, but then roll another 2d6 for sanity.  Either way, the bog man will be eager to get back to his village in #0415. (He is unaware that it has been abandoned for 300 years).

0810STONE GAZEBO

It's a bit like a well, with water filling it up almost to the brim.  It's much wider, though, about 15'.  And there is a stairwell going down along the inside, exactly as if you were standing at the top of the tower and looking down.  The gray limestone is covered with ivy and frogs, and the whole “inverted tower” is inside a stone gazebo.

100' down, it's murky enough that no light shines through.  There is a hungry eel here, grown fat and confident on frogs (stats as a wolf).  A horizontal passage leads on another 20'.  This horizontal passage is filled with roots, and is such a tight squeeze that any human-sized PC wearing a backpack or other bulky item risks becoming stuck if they fail a Dex check.  It takes 1d6 minutes to free yourself from your backpack, which cannot be unstuck from the roots.

At the end of the tunnel is the tomb of Danderodan, a bogman hero.  His scum-covered bones are laying in a shallow depression, and he wears a jade circlet worth 50s and clutches the Flute of Drowning.  This is a magic artifact treasured by the bog folk, and long thought lost.  (See #0314.)

0811ANGRY PANTHERS

Immense clumps of Spanish moss grow in the trees.  Spiny caterpillars crawl, pupate, and turn into spiny butterflies with dusty orange wings.

A halfling is clinging to the highest branches of a nearby tree, although this isn't obvious.  Beneath him, a pair of panthers are arguing over who should get to eat the halfling.  The female panther claims that since the tracked him and treed him, she should get to eat him.  The male panther claims that since the female panther left for a while to get a drink of water, she has forfeited her claim to the halfling.

If the panthers notice the PCs, and barring a very positive reaction roll, they will each encourage the other to eat one of the PCs.  Given enough time, they will decide to work together.

In Centerra, the language of panthers is the language of all things.  They use this gift to charm their prey and talk about how majestic panthers are.

0812RANGERS

12 Keldish rangers (technically, they're Dembraavan, but don't worry about that) patrol the woods here.  They're looking for some beastfolk who earlier killed one ranger and injured another.  This is human land, not beastfolk land, and they're eager to protect it.  They are friendly, wise, and ruthless.  They've been in these woods a while and appreciate good company.  They'll trade a dinner of biscuits and catfish stew for a few stories of the PCs' adventures.  However, any stories that talk about non-humans in a respectful or appreciatively light will be met with mild hostility—they're all pretty racist.  (Halflings are okay, though, I guess.)

0813NAUS-GARAUNT EXPEDITION

An expedition of naus-garaunts have met their demise here; there are six corpses.  Some have been torn to shreds, some have merely had their limbs twisted in their sockets until the bones cracked.  Swarms of tiny eels, the size of rats, are quickly devouring the singular body in the water.  Five more bodies have been wedged into the nooks of trees.  The eel swarms are in a frenzy, and will attack anyone in the water.

Close examination of the bodies and the battleground will reveal that they were killed by fanged apes.  A person wise to the swamp might even conclude that the fanged apes put these bodies in the tree for later retrieval.  If the PCs linger here for any length of time, six fanged apes and two shaggy monkeys will return, and they will be very angry (-3 reaction) with anyone messing with tomorrow's dinner.

Searching the bodies reveals a three short spears, a hand sickle, a vial of deadly poison (applied to blade, lasts 24 hours before going bad), a vial of antidote (gives new save vs ongoing poison with a +4 bonus), a mushroomskin pouch containing dust of red lotus (love effect, sort of like charm), 5 glowsticks (shed light as candle when cracked), a masterfully crafted repeating crossbow, a weird sort of gauntlet that ends in a fragile-looking bident, 44g, and six rations.

Naus-garaunts are humanoids with a hole through the center of their ribcage big enough to fit a woman's hand through.  They have lime-green skin, blonde hair, and a singular, monstrous red eye.  They are the marooned survivors of another dimension, and their curse is that their monstrous red eye will grow to absorb the other one, even as it warps their bodies and their minds.  They can stave off this transformation only by steadily eating brains of sentient creatures.  They obey a thing called the Red Voice, which they hear in electricity, especially lightning.

0814APES VS BOG PEOPLE

A group of 8 bog mermen have fled inside a structure that is a bit like a huge, complicated beaver den.    The structure is incomplete, having no roof.  Fanged apes lurch onto the roof from trees, ripping up sticks and hurling oversized rocks and branches.  The 9 fanged apes are attempting to tear apart the structure and kill the bog people, while their opponents are trying to preserve the structure and kill the apes.  The bog people are armed with spears.  They also have a 2nd-level sorceress in their number who can cast ignite.

The apes will call to the PCs with cries of “Bad fish!  Evil fish!  Help kill!  Nasty bad fish!”.  The bog people, unable to speak a word of Common, can only bare their needle-like teeth and thrash their tails in what they hope is close to a human smile.  

0815FORT FARELLO

See page XX.

0903DYING DWARF

Alone and dehydrated, a dwarf is crawling across the landscape.  He is wearing a tunic and breeches that were once bleached white, and a pointy hat.  The birds circling him can be seen from the adjacent hexes.  He is ungrateful and has no knowledge of the world outside his community.  He is powerfully boring.  Lacking any more meaningful task, he will follow the PCs if healed.  Don't roll morale checks for him (except for fear).  It's not that he's perfectly loyal, it's just that he can't think of anything else to do.  (Dwarves are sort of like organic robots—or at least these Doldrumite dwarves are.)

0904FAILED TROLL

Last week a troll attempted to set up shop at the small bridge here.  He charged tolls for five days and ate 11 sheep before Keldish knights killed him.  Now, his body has been dismembered and stuck on spikes beside the bridge as a warning to other trolls.  If the pieces were ever rejoined together, the troll would still be able to regenerate.

0905THE EXCAVATION

See page XX.

0906PAINTED COWS

Yelzin, a cowherd, is travelling to Soggybottom (#0604) with his herd of 4 cows.  The cows have all been shaven and painted with religious scenes from the life of Iasu, the founder of the Hesayan religion and savior of the universe.  The paintings are quite majestic, although they could use some touching up.  He has traveled the land, selling cows in every town that he has passed through is preparation for the Small Snake Festival.  Soggybottom is his last stop (and he hates that place).  He is travelling with his teenage son, Sprenkel, and a female mercenary named Vandal (F2) who will be unemployed once she reaches Soggybottom.

0907HALFWAY HOUSE

A sprawling, single story inn occupies the entire west side of the crossroads.  The wooden walls are grey with age, and the shingles are black with moss.  Smoke rises from the chimney, and the smell of burning peat is apparent.  A single sign over the door simply proclaims, “HALFWAY”.

Inside, the wooden floor is covered with straw and peanut shells.  Most of the furniture is carved from enormous trees.  The bark is not removed, and it looks dark and mossy, like the roof.  There are no chair, only low-backed benches carved from logs.  There is a peanut garden in the back, but guests are not allowed back there.

The proprietor is a Mr. Bufton, who is a squat, unpleasant man who eschews words in favor of descriptive grunts.  He spends his days behind the counter, squatting on a low stool and glowering at his guests.  His wife, Mrs. Bufton, is a squat, pinch-faced woman who is fantastically polite, and expects the same decorum from her guests.  She is quick to offer snacks, clean sheets, ice cubes, and other little conveniences—but only as long as she can charge a couple copper for the amenity.  Their son is 21 years old and named Cooner.  Tall, broad-shouldered, he is sadly an imbecile.  He spends his days in the garden chasing and consuming bugs.

The food isn't bad.  Peanuts, fruit preserves, and even a bit of rice.  The rooms are passable.

But the Buftons have a secret.  They're weretoads.  They're also thieves, murderers, and cannibals.  Whenever they think they can get away with it, they will ambush a lone guest in his bed, kill him, and take his belongings.  Or multiple guests in the same night, if enough of them are drunk.  Murder is a family affair.  The ground beneath their peanut garden is full of bones.

Sometimes they'll even kill a guest's horse or dog, take the corpse to a shack in a nearby grove of trees, and turn the animal into strips of dried meat.  And then when morning comes around, they'll yawn, scratch their chin, and say that the animal must have run away in the night.  And look!  While the animal was escaping, it broke the lock to the stall.  Don't worry, I won't charge you for a new lock, even though it's a long walk into town.  Looks like we're both suffering, eh?  Tell you what, this next beer is on me.  (Their beer has a strong coppery taste.)

The basement is damp and wet and sometimes the Bufton family all sit down there in the dark, side by side, just reveling in the moisture.  Barefoot, so they can feel the worms beneath their feet.  Sometimes they do this in human form, sometimes in giant toad form.

Hidden inside the beer barrel is a small chest containing 300 copper, 122 silver, and 60  gold.  In a hidden drawer in his desk, Mr. Bufton has a silver dagger +1 of lycanthrope slaying with a handle of black antler (because he trusts his wife about as far as he can throw her) and magic button that can make any article of clothing appear to be made of the most luxurious and expensive materials, for as long as the button is affixed to the item.

0908TOPPLED STATUE

A regal face and an outstretched arm rise 5' from the swamp, part of an enormous copper statue, now rusted to a dusty, pale green.  If a few minutes are spent clearing away the moss and duck nests, it will be plain that the face and arm belong to a bog merman (not a human).

0909ROAD CONSTRUCTION

The unctuous Papil Voorminthresh supervises a slave crew repairing the road while sweating profusely and dabbing at his forehead.  This is exhausting work, and he longs to be back in Drytop.  One slave is looking for a way to escape into the forest, and may appeal to the PCs.

0910STRAY DOG

A stray dog walks down the muddy road.  It's long hair is clumped together.  It's a good dog.  It's also an fantastically good judge of people.

0911EGG GIRL

Amathera is a 15-year-old brunette girl and the incarnation of a much older sorceress.  Gelatinous lotus-dreams have lead her from Trystero to this very spot.  Her once noble clothes are in tatters, but she has finally found what she sought: a trio of semi-translucent, amber-colored eggs in a mossy nest.  If the eggs are held up to the sun, you'll be able to see what appears to be a living human fetus in there.  Of course, that won't happen, because Amathera has spread herself atop the three amber-eggs, trying to cover all of them with her body.  

Amathera (MU3) will buy food from the PCs at 10x the normal cost—she hasn't eaten anything in days, and hasn't spent any of the money she stole from her parents (such was her haste).  She'll also buy any cloaks or blankets at the same mark-up.  If the party threatens to hurt or remove the eggs, she will respond with violence and the sleep spell.  She can't explain her feelings, but she can defend them.

If the party seems supportive of her strange mission, she'll ask them the PCs to stick around until the eggs hatch (soon, she's sure) and then escort herself and her new babies back to Trystero where she has some friends.  She also needs to be kept away from her parents, the Duke and Duchess of Quaya (who have offered a 100g reward for her safe return, no questions asked) and Amathera can offer all of the money that she has in exchange (500s, minus whatever food and blankets she just bought).  Both Quaya and Trystero are about 90 miles away.

The creatures inside the eggs are homunculi.  After they hatch, Amathera will begin nurse the three small creatures, lactating blood and moaning with pleasure the whole time.  The homunculi will grow to “adulthood” over the course of 3 weeks, in a process that will leave Amathera greatly weakened and has a 25% chance of killing her.  At the end of the process, Amathera will have gained another level of magic-user and begun to see the strange unreality that magic unlocks behind the everyday.  

The homunculi will grow up to be near-clones of Amathera, except that their hair is perfectly black, their skin is perfectly white, and they are perfectly mute.  They will bleed water and their flesh is bloodless (similar to tofu).  Although the three homunculi will adore Amathera, they will prefer each others company above all else, and refuse to be separated.

If Amathera dies or is removed far enough away, the eggs will attempt to imprint on the next nearest spellcaster (save negates).  Once imprinted on someone else, the adopted “mother” will care for the homunculi in exactly the same way the prior paragraph describes.  The amber-eggs will not mature nor hatch if they do not have a “mother” nearby.

Although tricky, the eggs could also be transported and sold to a wizard.  They are extremely valuable, and worth about 750s each, if intact.  

0912MURDER INVESTIGATION

Although the road takes some twist in order to stay on dry ground, in this place it turns into a boardwalk and passes over several miles of swamp.  There are hooks for lanterns every half-mile, but no lanterns.  Keldish knights are gathered beside the boardwalk, investigating what they think is the murder of a squire and the a abduction of their cook.  They will want to interrogate the PCs.

0913ARCHERY CONTEST

Fort Farello maintains a small orchard here.  A Keldish knight and a Dembraavan (also Keldish) ranger are taking turns shooting stunted apples off trees.  PCs will be invited to join, if they can wager something worthwhile.  The pot currently contains three braces of fresh-caught rabbits and a trio of silver arrows with white owl feather fletching.

0914BIG TREE

The Keldish call it “the Big Tree”.  It's almost 200' tall.  They use it as a viewing platform, and there is actually a small treehouse built in its upper branches, usually with 1 man-at-arms keeping watch over the sea of billowing green treetops below.

0915WILLOWS

An small island in the river is densely populated with willows.  A small rowboat is pulled up on shore, seemingly abandoned.  There is a small fire pit with ashes that are several days old.  The ground is churned up in a couple of places, as if something large was buried here.  Digging up the earth will take about 8 hours, and will not reveal anything except willow roots.

In truth, the willows on the island malicious and animate.  Anyone spending the night here will be attached by creaking willows, who will sneak up and sloooowly wrap your head in their roots.  It will take them 30 minutes to break your neck, and another 3 hours for them to bury you deep enough for their roots to benefit from your nutrients.  That's what happened to the last two guys.

If the players are very patient and/or just love setting things on fire, they might manage to excavate the two rangers from the roots of the trees.  The rangers have 2 leather armors, 2 short swords, 2 short bows, 16 arrows, 220 silver, and a copper ring with a tree insignia (10g).  They also have a pair of the dark green cloaks w/ wooden broaches that identify a person as a member of the Dembraavan rangers.

1003CREEPING REEF

At dusk and at dawn, this offshore reef is covered with the figures of merfolk and their pets (giant seals which they dote upon, and giant crabs which they abuse and cover with graffiti).  It is the roof of a much larger hive of merfolk, called Ulanalu.

Merfolk are sometimes kind, sometimes cruel, but under no circumstances will they let anyone into Ulanalu.  In fact, they are likely to attack anyone who approaches (-2 to reaction rolls) unless they are waving a white flag or making conciliatory gestures.  They consider the ocean to be entirely their domain, in the same way that the land is entirely the humans'.  

1004CRAB DENS

These sea caves are is where the merfolk breed, raise, and train their giant crabs.  There are 22 caves along the coast, most just a single room, halfway flooded.  Each cave is home to 1d2 giant crabs and 1d4+1 merfolk.  These merfolk have more bravado than their peers, and are prone to showing off by challenging humans, throwing spears into their masts, etc.

Giant crabs are ritually abused and beaten (it's the only way to keep them docile).  They're also covered in graffiti: a mixture of scratches and neon paint.  In combat, they froth at the mouth, and blow out plumes of yellowing bubbles.  The bubbles have no mechanical effect, but they are distracting.

1005DESTROYED TEMPLE

The site of an ancient temple built to worship Laculethys, an ancient pagan goddess now associated only with destruction and nihilism.  The temple is completely razed.  Not one stone stands atop another.  

A disgruntled cultist of the Radiant Maiden is kicking around here, throwing rocks at thorn bushes and muttering.  His name is Danyo.  Since the destruction of his cult-temple, he's had a crisis of faith, and has decided to go soul-searching up and down the peninsula.  He'll admit none of this, of course, but if the PCs stick around and/or befriend him, he'll suggest building a small altar and sacrificing the biggest animal they can find “just to see what will happen”.

1006 ASTRONOMER

Davros the Ineffable lives here in a two-story wooden tower.  He is studying the Frogstar, and has a telescope pointed at the star at all times.  He's a bit obsessed, and believes that the Frogstar holds some sort of “generative power” or “inductive animalcules”.  He thinks that the light from the Frogstar can somehow affect how creatures grow or think.  Except for the bog people, Davros is the best source of knowledge about the peninsula's history.

His eyes are brilliant green, but they weren't always.  Davros believes that his eyes are grey.

He is conducting a secret experiment.  H has a complicated apparatus and points it at the night sky.  Although you can't see the interior, it's actually a bunch of lenses and prisms with a flower pot on the bottom.  Every clear night, he opens the reticule and focuses the machine on the Frogstar.  All of the Frogstar light that hits a square meter is reflected and concentrated down to a square millimeter, producing a beam of green light that is a million times brighter than the normal exposure of the Frogstar's light.  And now, he's finally gotten a result, although he doesn't know it yet.  A tiny plant has begun to grow in the soil of that apparatus.  Something like a fern.  This pseudo-fern has never known the light of our sun.  It has only ever been warmed by the viridescent glow of the Frogstar.

1007GRACENE BOUNDERS

A pack of 8 gazelle-like creatures are eating something in the tall grass near a farm.  PCs that venture closer can see that it is 8 gracene bounders picking over the bones of a cow.   Gracene bounders are sort of like carnivorous gazelles with weird-shaped heads.  Use wolf stats, but remember that gracene bounders bounce instead of running, and that they are impressive jumpers.

The farm is abandoned, and has been for some time.  However, the PCs can find a hatchet stuck into a door lintel.  And a loose floorboard in the bed room hides a small cavity that contains 22s 10c, a copy of the Book of Bondri (one of the many holy books in Hesaya), and a small rosewood box that contains the crushed and partially burned bones of a newborn.  There's also an one-eyed, yellow cat lurking around.

1008RANCH

This is the Noimund Ranch.  You can buy horses and donkeys here.  There's also a few smallcows and greatpigs (smallcows are pig-sized cows, greatpigs are cow-sized pigs and you'll only ever see female greatpigs unless you go to a breeders').  There is an ankheg head mounted over the entry to the ranch, a trophy from an earlier time.  The rancher is good friends with Mr. Bufton in #0907, and receives frequent gifts of peanuts.

The rancher (Sigmund Noimund) has two problems.  One is that his daughter (Ama) is being seduced by a hat salesman (Ottersby) from Drytop.  The second is that something has been stealing his cattle.  He's down to half his herd.  Out of these two problems, he's far more worried about the hat salesman.  He'll tell anyone who'll listen about his problems.  If they're the adventurin' type, he might even ask them to help him out.  He'll offer 100s for each problem solved.

Investigating the cow pastures will reveal a multitude of weird curving tracks, as if there were an army of people and they were all walking on the sides of their feet or something.  There's a bit of blood, but no bones, so it looks as if the cow was transported after being killed.  There's also a strange hole that appeared in the middle of on of his fields.  It's big enough inside for a halfling to walk inside without stooping, but the tunnel is collapsed after a few horizontal feet.  The tracks lead south, and Noimund figures that they can't have gone far.  Cows are heavy.

Getting the hat salesman to stop sniffing around his daughter is a much simpler task, Mr. Noimund thinks.  Just pop him in the nose a couple of times.  Teach him a lesson.  Real straight forward.

1009CHAINED MEN

Two men are chained together, fighting in a rocky field.  The smaller man is trying to club the larger man with no restraint.  The larger man is bit gentler, and although he is boxing the other man around the ears a lot, he seems reluctant to hurt him too much.

The men are both slaves of Papil Voorminthresh.  The large man is Unger, a chief-among-slaves who is nevertheless loyal to Voorminthresh.  He was tricked into coming this far, and now he is taking out his anger on the smaller man.  He beat the smaller man severely at first, but then realized that (a) he didn't want to kill his master's property, and (b) he probably couldn't carry him all they back—he would need to be walking.

The smaller man is Arctur.  He is desperate to be free, and wants to join the poachers that he heard live in Hex 1011.  He's willing to kill Unger to do this.

Both men are liars.  Unger will say that they are both slaves who were going for a walk when Arctur accidentally ate some madgrass and began flipping out.  (Unger is somewhat stupid.)  Arctur will say that he is a slave trying to escape from Unger, who is actually a werewolf and a sadist.  (Arctur is somewhat insane.)  If the party doesn't interfere, Unger will eventually triumph when Arctur gives up.  Both men will possibly remember the party's actions if they show up at Lord Voorminthresh's house in Drytop later on.

1010THE FENCE

There is a square area here, completely fenced off.  The fence has a bit of overhang on it, facing out, so if you walked up and leaned against it, you would be sheltered from the rain.  The fence encloses about 2 square miles of area, and is made of a motley mixture of wood and metal.  There are plenty of gaps big enough for a man's arm, but none that are big enough for a person to fit entirely though.  (Alhtough a halfling could do it).

A man called Tiberys lives inside the fence.  He calls himself the Warden.  He can explain that he decided, long ago, that the whole world was a criminal.  He was a judge, you see.  And so he built this prison to hold the world, while he would be safe from it inside.  (And indeed, there is a luxurious tent-based living arrangement for him at the exact center of his compound.)

Tiberys is usually accompanied by his active pack of 6 Small But Vicious Dogs, who have no problem leaping through the narrow gaps in the fence.  They're very loyal and very bitey.

Tiberys also has a son named Hamero, who is 7 years old and has never been inside the prison (outside the fence).  He believes his father utterly.  His mother is buried nearby.

The Warden's tent-house contains very accurate maps of the Frogstar peninsula (and decent maps of the world, if we're honest).  There's a chest with 1800 copper and 70 silver under his bed.  There's a full-sized ballista hidden under a camouflaged tarp between two trees.  There's another box filled with rare and expensive teas inside the kitchen-tent that's worth 50s.  And there's a plethora of weapons: 3 swords, two axes, two crossbows, and a crate of 6 molotov cocktails (treat as lamp oil).

1011POACHER CAVE

This cave is well hidden.  Walk up a rocky streambed and slide into a narrow crevice, which opens up to a much more spacious cave.  The streambed makes tracking impossible, and the crevice is no visible except from very close.  The large cave admits a few shafts of light, and ferns grow in the crevices.  There are several smaller subcaves that branch of from this main one.  The cave is filled with furs and moonshine that will be smuggled down the bog to Angelspit.  Chained to the wall, a metal lockbox (trapped with disease needle) contains 400 silver, 125 copper, a potion of healing, a potion of neglect (not true invisibility, but people will not notice you unless you do something obvious), and deeds to all of the farms in hex 0603.  There's also 500 silver of moonshine and 200 silver in animal pelts stacked against the walls.

There are nearly 50 “poachers” in the woods.  In truth, these are more like men who flout Keldish law and refuse to recognize the government.  Nearly all of them are the scions of much older families who lived in the area, and a consummate hunters and trappers, but a few of them subsist by foraging.

Despite the large numbers of poachers, only 1d20 of them will be in this cave at any time.  The one constant figure is a man named Dilas the Bellringer (C5), after the job he held as a child.  He is a member of the Cult of the Radiant Maiden, and an empowered one, too.  His countenance seems noble and kind (and he is).  During times of stress or emotion, a halo is slightly visible above his head, but only out of the corner of ones eyes.  The halo gives him +4 to saves and allows him to see invisible.

He is sympathetic to the plight of the cultists from Angelspit, and the massacre that they endured.  He gave shelter to the 14 who escaped here, but those 14 have since left for Hex 1112, where they intend to rebuild their church.  He wears a bearclaw necklace (can be used to summon an albino black bear that smells like geosmin and petrichor, used 2x, 3x uses remaining, represented as black and white claws) and wields a long hunting spear, that does double damage against mounts, but can never strike an elf.

The Cult of the Radiant Maiden believe that Good lost the war against Evil a long time ago.  The world is wicked and harsh, and the only way to save it is to allow it to be reborn.  So, they work towards the absolute extinction of sentient life on the planet.  Aside from that, they are indistinguishable from good guys, and their motifs are white robes, kindness, justice, halos, glowing light, and healing (also instant, painless death).  The cult appeals to people from all walks of life, but especially poor families.

1013HILLSIDE CAVE

Distant, a wild piglet has been caught in a snare and now dangles 6' off the ground, squealing sadly.  Regardless of what the party chooses to do with it, there is a 33% chance that a poacher is watching and a 33% chance that the mother boar is watching.

1014STRANGE FOG

Navigation is impossible in this hex, and players will exit into a random hex when they leave it.

A small cave in a hillside is clearly visible from below.  Inside is a trio of shriekers (roll for an automatic encounter if they are disturbed).  In the detritus beneath the shriekers are a dozen skeletons of various species, a rusted shield, a rusted helmet, and a rusted sword.  The sword is useless.

1015AXEBEAK TRAPS

In this clearing there are 4 poachers setting up axebeak traps in the tall grass.  Axebeaks are predator birds the size of ponies, so the traps are quite deadly as well (wooden spike pincer smash, 3d6 + impalement, save negates).  Several traps are already set up around them.  One of the poachers carries a magic chicken arrow, which does no damage, but instead turns the target creature into a chicken if they fail their save.

1104WINGED MERMEN

The mermen that sit on these cliffs aren't actually winged—they just have the manta phenotype.  They are counting a few coins that they salvaged from the wreck in Hex 1204, and letting some of the more fragile scrolls dry so that they can be unfolded without tearing.  They 180 silver, a scroll of levitate, scroll of speak to coin, scroll of tirelessness, and a scroll of knock.  If they are ambushed or startled they are more likely to hurridly gather half of their stuff (roll randomly) and flee (+2 reaction roll).  If the party continues traveling along the coast, however, the mermen will stalk them until nightfall, when they will attempt to retrieve their treasures.

1105XX

1106Leper Colony

There are 17 lepers gathering scrap and salvage along the shore.  Their leader is a plague wizard (MU3) who succumbed to his own engineered diseases and was kicked out of the academy as a result.  He wears a wooden mask and rides a leprous horse.  He wants only to protect his lepers, but he also wants to marry a non-leprous wife.  He believes that his magic can prevent her from contracting the disease.  As a whole the group is very gloomy, and will pronounce doom on everyone that passes (unless they are thrown some coins or some bread).

1107MACURDAY FARM

A two story farm.  A large and prosperous family.  Golden grain growing in the field.  A newly built windmill, big enough to grind the grain from neighboring farms as well.  Inside the house is a flensman, newly escaped from the merfolk.  The flensman has come to this farm in order to acquire mind slaves and consume enough food to grow to a larger size.  It is current reclining in the bathtub, awaiting its next meal of pounded grains.

Working the farm are 14 people from the surrounding area, including the MacUrdays and their 8 kids, a giant crab man (near death from dehydration, needs salt water), and a leper from Hex 1106.  The people are mind-controlled and will work the fields until they collapse.  As soon as they are able to stand, they are put back to work.  If strangers approach, the people will try to get them to go into the house, one by one, so they can be mind controlled as well.  Lensman can be clever, but their control is never subtle, and the strained, warbling voices of the mind-slaves make it obvious that something is very wrong.

If you teleported all of the blood vessels out of a merfolk's body and embedded them in a gigantic, pink ooze, you'd get something resembling a flensman.  Flensman can control a great deal of people directly (seeing through their eyes, speaking through their voices) or they can animate their slime and fight as a giant ooze, but they cannot do both at the same time.  Even if it is not directly controlling them, their mindslaves are paralyzed and immobile without mental commands from their master.  The flensman also has the usual smorgasboard of psychic attacks.

1108EMPTY FARM

Once an orchard, this farm has been picked clean by the ants to the south.  No corpses.  The larder has been torn open as if with great crushing/prying implements.  Bloodstains in the house and in the barn.  Fruit trees mangled and empty.

1109GREAT MOUND

Huge mounds of dirt.  From a distance, it resembles the skyline of a town.  This is the anthill from which the giant ants have been issuing.  See page XX.

1110FLOWER VALE

In a small valley, cool and damp, a field of flowers grow, seemingly from barren rock.  In the center there is a circle of stones.  In the center of the circle is a monolith, covered with runes.  In front of the monolith is a mystic, meditating.  He is responsive, but nothing is more important than meditating right now.  He has almost reached enlightenment.

He is right.  Soon he will give a contented sigh, say “At last I understand”, and then slump over dead.  And then the monolith with rise into the sky and fly into the a random location in the next hexcrawl the PCs will go on.  It will bring all of it's magic and weirdness with it.

1111HOT AIR BALLOON

Some sort of airship is draped on a low crag.  The balloon is torn up and in pretty bad shape.  Scattered around the crags are a fluttering sheets of paper, like loose sheets from a book.  Inside the hot air balloon is a fresh corpse, withered and nearly bloodless.  (This man is the victim of a surgeonbird swarm.)  Also in the balloon: 50 silver wrapped neatly in paper, 50 copper wrapped neatly in paper, three potted plants (all rare but harmless swamp species).

It takes 1 hour to search for pages of the book, and with a successful Wis check, a significant bundle of pages are found.  Multiple people can make Wis checks (search for papers) if they split up to search different areas nearby.  If the group collects 5 successes, the book is mostly reassembled, and will grant a +4 bonus to all Int checks to identify swamp plants.

The book also contains chapters on rare plants, and lists their nutritional requirements, magical properties, and general information.  This rare plant list includes the Psychic Swamp Cactus (see Hex 0614) and the Odiferous Rose of Zhul (see Hex 312).  Importantly, it also presents an accurate account of how the Apple of Revivification restores a person to life.

If and how the balloon can be repaired is up to the DM.

1112CULT REMAINDER

The 14 men and women camping in these dry hills are all that remains of the Cult of the Radiant Maiden, which was active in Angelspit until it was discovered and the cultists slaughtered.  Their self-appointed leader, Agnew, has led them here to rebuild their temple in the wilderness, safe from meddling paladins.  Many of the cultists believe that this is agains their philosophy (See Hex 1011) but are too meek to speak up.

With surprisingly little prompting, the 13 cultists can be convinced to murder Agnew or commit mass suicide while praising the Radiant Maiden.  In fact, if they are left a lone, each of those options has a 25% chance of happening independently.  Five of the cultists are 1st level clerics.  One is an 11-year-old boy.  And Agnew is a 3rd level magic-user.  There is also a small toy dog running around, but it will not fight, merely yap and get underfoot (one person gets -1 to hit).

1113COOK AND MURDERER

Harmulin the Chef has worked for the Keldish knights in Fort Farello (Hex 0815) for eight years.  They never suspected that he was loyal to the Radiant Maiden the whole time.  He has just committed murder in Hex 0912, killing one of the Keldish.  And now he has fled to the hills, hoping to find his companion cultists.  He is covered in blood and not prepared for this level of wilderness.

If he does rondezvous with the other cultists to the north, they will not be happy to see him; he was their mole on the inside.  They will begin making plans to get Harmulin the Chef back in the good graces of the Fort, against the protestations of Harmulin himself.

1114HERD OF DEER

In this chain of meadows, you will find 22 females (including an albino), 14 juveniles, and 1 enormous buck, standing taller than a horse.  Tangled in among the buck's antlers is the skull and antlers of a former rival.  The pressure on his skull has induced new, strange wrinkles onto his brain.

1115ENTMOOT

The ents have called a meeting in order to charge three small redwoods with the crime of aiding a spellcaster in Forest-murder and Nitrogen-squandering.  The evidence is unclear, but the young redwoods do have a history of being sympathetic to mammals, including humans.  If the PCs do not interfere, the redwoods will be found guilty and the ents will trample them into splinters and then spread the mulch the judges.  Related note: tree screams are unsettling.

1204THE MAGNETIC PRINCESS

This is a dwarven shipwreck dungeon.  It's layout depends highly on the tide.  See page XX.

1208NORMAL FARMS

Four farming families live on this hex, all related.  So normal and boring it's honestly a bit suspicious.  

1209HOT SPRINGS

These hot springs contain hot mud.  Yellow sulfur clouds.  6 hippies (skilled in massage) and 1 wandering swordsman who is looking for her girlfriend.

1210FUNGAL GROTTO

A broad hole in the ground leads to a half flooded grotto.  There are even stairs leading down.  The floor is filled with softly glowing blue water, strange fungi, pungent gases, and huge (but herbivorous) slimes.  A mated pair of tubular peacocks lurk in the back reaches of this half-cave, but they are not aggressive unless approached.  Although it is not obvious, the mature form of the fungus in Hex 1309 can be found here, growing in in elegantly-limbed, leafless, mauve tree.  It is mostly harmless in this form, but anyone entering the grotto has a 5% chance of contracting the same purple rot that killed the ogre in Hex 1309

One of those ancient servitors is half buried here, under all of the growth.  Two small arms on one side, and one large one the other.  It has been picked over and partially disassembled, but one of the outstretched arms has a particular spiral pattern on it.  This metal hand can be used to open the ancient doors inside the Waterfall Warren in Hex 1412.

1211HARPY NESTS

There are 4 harpies nest in squalid nests, beneath and beside the mountain path.  At any given time, there are 1d4 harpies present (the rest out hunting).  They are cruel, vocal, and talented at insults.  They will rake their foes with filthy claws, and try to draw their opponents off the path, where they will fall (50%) fall 50' to the base of the crevice, or (50%) tumble 10' and land in a rancid nest, where they will be set upon by 1d4 nestlings (as goblins).

1212CLIFFSIDE CARVINGS

The party will begin to notice small markings and designs carved into the cliffside.  Sparse at first, these grow more numerous until the wall resembles a shallow facade of a Greco-roman arcade, although with spiral pillars and a persistent amount of wavy lines.  Between the pillars are scenes from a marketplace, or perhaps a forum.  Although there are doorways in the carvings, there are no actual doors.  This section is about 200' across, an in the exact center of it is an actual doorway.

Inside the doorway, a huge stone disk (10' across, 3' thick) is suspended over the doorway, and clearly intended to fall down into a groove and permanently block the door.  And this is exactly what it will do if it's wooden supports are knocked away.  In truth, the builder of this place intended it to be his tomb, but died before he could seal the door forever (see next paragraph).

This tomb was built in exacting detail by a refugee from Lost Lykorum, which sank under the ocean hundreds of years ago (so basically Atlantis).  If you want to know what a lykorian looks like, picture Cousin Itt stretched to the lanky dimensions of a basketball player, and juiced full of sorcerous aptitude.

This particular Lykorian was named Ool-Mung-M'gar, and he was one of the saddest people in the world.  He spent the last 80 years building this tomb.  And on the walls, he recorded every single regret he had; there are 2,626 of them carved on the walls.  Some are banal (breakfast related), some are obscure (ancient magical failures), a few are relatable (I wish I told her I loved her).  Full study of the walls takes several hours, but will also reveal the silence spell, the rubberize spell, and a full map of the  Plexus Arcanum, a building in Lost Lykorum (over a continent, 400 miles away, and on the bottom of the ocean).

Ool-Mung-M'gar died in his favorite chair (although he regrets many things about it, as well) with his arms folded across his lap, holding only a chisel and a wooden goblet.  His corpse is wearing a grey tunic, and a metal hammer is concealed beneath his shaggy foot, where it fell.  The only think of value is his amulet (a heavy, red, marble torus) that glows in the presence of poison, and purifies any liquid that is poured through its center.

In case the PCs somehow get trapped in the tomb, here's the process for escaping.  First figure out how long the air will last until people start passing out: 40 hours divided by the number of people.  Up to three people can attempt to smash the stone disk at a time, and this requires a combined Strength score of 60 between the three.  HOWEVER, this number (60) is reduced by 1 for every crack put into it.  In order to put a crack in the door, it takes (1) an appropriate tool, such as a hammer or chisel, and (2) a successful Str or Con check.  Each attempt to damage the door takes 1 hour, and up to 3 people can work on the door simultaneously.  So if 3 people get lucky and all put cracks in the door during the first hour of work, a combined Str score of only 57 is needed (down from 60).

1213SHADOWED CRAG

Benath an overhanging rock face, several small springs trickle from a limestone wall.  Enormous orchids grow in the shade here, and are slightly warm to the touch.

If the party lingers in this area, they will be accosted by a trio of wild jelly-johns (see the Book of Mice).  If possible, the jelly-johns will try to sneak into the rations.  Failing that, they will just jump down someone's throat.  If they succeed in reaching the stomach, they will seize control of the person and run in a random direction, screaming the whole while.

1214SPIDERWEBS

Spiderwebs span this narrow canyon.  An unusually talented and cunning orc scout is visible in the canyon, creeping along silently and filling his backpack with giant spider eggs.  He is using an extremely sharp chargale (ceramic) dagger to cut the webs without the spiders noticing the loss of tension.  (This is 1-year chargale.  It gives +1 damage but shatters whenever a natural 1 is rolled.)

1215STONE DOORWAY

In the middle of a forest, an old stone doorway, overgrown with vines.  There is no sign that it was ever part of a building, or anything bigger.  It has places for hinges to attach, but no door.  A soggy-looking tabby cat is wandering this area.  A collar names him as “Checkers”.  The cat is not a natural hunter, and its ribs are showing.  

In fact, this is not just a cat—it is a catbook.  Catbooks were invented by a wizard named Rigalene as an alternative to books.  A certain pattern of pets and pats will cause the cat to fall catatonic and then open up along the spine, revealing paper-thin tissue cross-sections that have printed words on them.  When you are done reading, simply close the catbook, and it will revert to normal (although it will be a bit colder and have trouble synchronizing it's blinks for a while).   This particular catbook contains 1st through 6th level spells, including two spells that haven't been cast in hundreds of years.  Eat disease  is a 2nd level spell that transfers any mundane disease from the target to the caster.  Explode vermin is a 5th level spell that causes a mundane rodent or vermin to explode as a fireball spell.  Timers can even be employed.

A person has a 5% chance of opening the catbook by accident per hour of petting, although a dedicated, trained searcher can go through all possible pet/scratch/pat combinations in about 2 hours.  Since a lot of the books in Rigalene's library were powerful spellbooks of forgotten lore, some wizards will take strays home and perform the two hours of brute-force petting-passwords.  It's a bit like buying a lottery ticket for them.

1218Abandoned Outpost

Keldyn has stopped maintaining this outpost, a small tower on a cliff.  The front door is still locked and barred, but quartet of goblins has snuck in through the sewer, thrown a party, and fallen asleep inside.  There's a bunch of furniture, a weapon rack with 2 spears and 2 bows (no arrows), and a cache of red smoke signals on a high shelf.

1307Drytop

A city.  See page XX.

1308REMAINS OF A CAMPFIRE

Dented copper kettle in the bushes.  Human bones and teeth among the ashes.  Nearby, frogs awake from hibernation and emerge from a sinkhole.

1309DEAD OGRE

Apprently died in an unusual position: sitting against a tree, with his thumbs buried deep in his eyes.  Some sort of strange fungus infesting its body.  Belt pouch contains five infested chicken corpses, 200 copper, ten large ingots of high quality iron, and a merfolk idol made of soapstone (worth 50s to the bog people).  Disturbing an infested corpse will release a puff of purple spores, all adjacent must save or become infested.  Infested individuals suffer intense fever for 1d3 days, after which they must make a second save or engage in self-harm until dead.  Strange fungus will eventually grow into a branching, tree-like thing but is killed by sunlight and low humidity.

1310WHELK SHELL

An enormous spiny snail shell sits atop here (bolinus brandaris if you must know).  It's as big as a house because it is, in fact, a house.  A crone (MU7) lives inside it.  The only clothing she wears is a layer of living moths, which surround her like a cloud.  She is accompanied by a creature she calls “Softbones” who resembles a pony-sized elephant with a human face.  In combat, the moths give -4 to hit to all in their area, and Softbones has the stats of a bull (although he bites, rather than gores).

Her name is Mazira and she has lived here for longer than she's been alive.  She loves the moon.  All of the moons.  Especially the invisible ones.  She speaks in mathematics and moons.  Literally.  If she can answer a question with a math, moon, or orbital science metaphor, she will.  “The periapsis has grown too be too far.  I fear it is too much for my babies, my moons.  They have grown eccentric in their orbit.”

Although she is hard to understand, she is not crazy.  With prompting, she can recount the entire history of the Frogstar peninsula, as well as the methodology for traveling to the Frogstar via the lenses. (found in the two frog temples).

1311DEAD RAPPELER

A dead man hangs on his harness, still attached to the rope.  He is 30' from the top of the cliff, and his rope is anchored to a small boulder there.  He is 60' from the floor of the cliff, and his rope doesn't extend beyond him.  There appears to be a small ledge beside him, as well as a crevice.  Bald-headed vultures can be seen on his shoulders and backpack, picking at the rappelers brains amid a cloud of flies.  A harpy sits on a nearby rock, surveying the situation.

The man is Yofes, Son of Briac.  He was exploring this place when he investigated a crack in the wall and was promptly stabbed in the face by goblins.  In fact, the last 18 goblins in this whole hex crawl, now that vorglins have taken over the Waterfall Warrens in Hex 1412.

The crevice in the wall actually leads deeper in.  There is a watch-goblin here, but one who has a 50% chance of being asleep at any given time.  The front cave is about 40' in diameter and holds 11 uncomfortable goblins.  They have few possessions except for their weapons, and are in the process of eating a sorry meal of harpy eggs, mostly-dead crows, some smashed beetles, soft pieces of bark, and a handful of small stones.

The deeper cavern is only accessible through a 5' tunnel that is only 3' tall.  Halflings can fight normally in here, but everyone else will have to crawl.  This defensible chokepoint leads to the deeper cavern, which is only 25' in diameter.  This is where the goblin “royal family” has fled, along with their treasures.  There is a rotund king goblin (Gubok) with 2HD, his two concubines, his sniveling cowardly son (Makbobo), and his two freakish bodyguards (2HD, but get +1 to hit and damage).

The goblin royals are arguing.  Should they retake the Waterfall Warrens (Hex 1412) or flee to friendly goblin tribes in another hex map?  Both of these are bad ideas, because they lack the resources to retake the Waterfall Warrens and everyone else hates them.

The royal goblin treasure includes 8 gold, 160 silver, and 3200 copper, 6 chicken arrows (does no damage but target must save or turn into chicken), a collection of mystic boogers from prior shamans, a talking fish in a helmet, a whistle that attracts insects, and poisoned shortsword named Toechopper (actually, a long sword that snapped in half) that glows whenever there's humans around (currently wielded by the king).

1312AQUADUCT

An ancient aquaduct soars over the landscape here, seemingly reaching into space.  It has fragmented, and the sections between the “legs” have fallen, leaving only a series of islands 60' in the air.  The ones in the southwest seem to arc upwards, but to the northeast a large section of the aquaduct remains intact, and goes directly into the mountainside.  This section is still mostly inaccessible, however, since the sides of the aquaduct legs are smooth, and the aquaduct itself is rounded on top.  (The easiest way I can think of to get up there is to throw a rope over the top of one.)  If the aquaduct is followed into the mountain, it connects to the aquaduct entrance of the Waterfall Warrens (Hex 1412).

(DM's Note: Not an aquaduct, actually.  Ancient space train.)

1313GIANT MAGPIE

This former companion of a druid has grown monstrous and apathetic.  It will attempt to steal the biggest, shiniest thing that it sees, but never anything smaller than a shield.  A person in full plate counts as a big shiny thing.  It then takes the material back to its nest, high up on the cliffs, where it wedges the object into the wall.  During sunset, the sun shines directly into the shallow cave, and enough light reflects off the shiny stuff that the characters get -4 to hit (a save cuts this penalty in half).

The giant magpie can talk, but it rarely has much to say.  It's hoard contains a suit of full plate, three Keldish breastplates, 3 metal shields of different types, a gold cup worth 150s, 5 identical pikes, the head of an ancient automaton (still huming), a functional crystal ball that looks like a giant glass marble, 16 hunks of quartz from Hex 1513, an ogrish helmet, a gold sword+1 of rust-monster-slaying, what looks like a bisected disco ball, and pieces of brass scale mail (now scattered across the floor, but it would not be hard to reassemble them).  There's also a few skeletons, although not many, since corpses offend the magpie's nose.

1314CARNIVOROUS SQUIRRELS

An enormous black oak.  A few skulls are visible at the base once you draw closer.  There are 28 carnivorous squirrels in this tree that hunt as a pack.  (1 HP, +0 to hit, 1 damage and attach, Morale 5)

1315ELF GUIDE

Inscrutable elf stumbles nimbly through the forest.  Will demand that the PCs hire him as a guide, as the rightful place of an elf is as the leader of men.  His knowledge of the forest is peerless, and he can talk to all plants.  Drinks madwine every night and then spends the next 8 hours staring at his hands.  (Elves normally sleep 2 hours a night, but this one never sleeps.)  He is good to have beside you during a fight, but is painfully obstinate.  Every day, someone must make a Difficult -2 Charisma check to convince him to go in the direction you want.  If the Charisma check is failed, the elf will lead you in whatever random direction he feels like that day (random).  

If he is not allowed to lead the party on his mad quest for self-dissolution, he will grow increasingly angry, loud, and incomprehensible.  When it becomes 100% clear that the party will not allow him to be their Perfect Elven Guide, he will run screaming into the woods (and the DM should roll for another random encounter, because noise).  He has a 67% chance of returning later that night to kill the whole party in their sleep.  He is a 8th level thief and can cast entangle once per day.

1408LOW WALL

Ancient stone wall was once built here that ran from the ocean to a point 8 miles inland (so pretty much the across the center of the whole hex).  The wall is made of monolithic pieces of stones (seriously, they look like crude obelisks piled together) and is 30' tall.  However, enough holes have been smashed in the wall over the years that shepherds rarely have to detour more than a mile to lead their flocks through.  In the shadow of the wall, shepherds play panpipes together and will make a show of ignoring the PCs if they are approached.  In the sky, crows wheel together in almost-patterns. 

1409OPEN TOMBS

A landslide has opened part of this hillside, exposing a pair of chambers.  This are single-room tombs built to honor ancient orc princes.  Each one has a strong military theme and is full of spartan, brutal artchitecture.  2 tombs are currently exposed, but 1d6+2 more tombs can be exposed.  Each additional tomb merely requires 1d20 man-hours of digging (divided by the total number of workers) to discover, and then another 1d20 man-hours of work to open the damn thing.  

Each tomb contains 2 items, rolled at random from the following list.

1 – 1d100 silver

2 – 1d12 gold coins and a mask made from a turtle shell.

3 – warhammer with in the shape of a screaming boar's head.

4 – calligraphy set worth 25s.

5 – 1d3 surprisingly heavy candles made from black wax (grenades 3d6 damage to adjacent)

6 – rotted silk robe.  Fingertip ring-needles (1d4 damage with scratch)

7 – chair made of merfolk tails

8 – mummified orc laid at the feet of the main sarcophagus

9 – 1d8 gold rings, each in the shape of a different kind of humanoid skull, 10s each

10 – silver broadsword

11 – ridiculous orc bow.  Need 16 strength to wield, but it does +1 damage.  Needs string.

12 – green slime on the roof and roll again.

1410VORGLIN AMBUSH

Narrow, cramped canyon ends in an engineered roadblock.  8 vorglins attack from above with slingstones and taunts.  If you roll an random encounter for this hex, the random encounter will sneak up behind the vorglins and attack them.  The vorglins are from the Waterfall Warrens in Hex 1412.

1411CLOBSTROK NESTS

The cliffs above the path here are the nesting ground for 15 clobstroks (see the Book of Mice).  The clobstroks will vocalize with threatening chirps and perform aggression dances before swooping down from on high, en masse.  They will not attack if the party immediately retreats to the hex from when they came.  (Clobstroks are very territorial and will follow you for miles to make sure you leave.  They also call for help before they attack.)

1412WATERFALL WARRENS

A dungeon full of vorglins.  A waterfall flows through all of it.  See page XX.

1413STEAM RAINBOW

Sweet smelling steam vents up from the tip of a nearby peak.  If the party climbs the peak in the late morning or mid-afternoon, they will be able to see a beautiful 360 degree angle beneath them in the fog.  A heady euphoria means that they must make a Dex check on the way down to avoid stumbling for 1d6 damage, but they also get +1 to hit and save for the rest of the day.

1414ORC CAMP

A low profile camp, halfway hidden between two rocky cliffs.  11 orcs eating cold rat jerky.  They have fled here after a force of Keldish army regulars invaded and destroyed their tribes mountain stronghold.  They have been quietly raiding poachers and vorglins.  They've lost 4 of their members already—both of those groups are well organized.  They know a bit about the other groups activities, though.  

The orcs' leader is Raknost (HD 4) who is a scheming rat pretending to be a loud bully.

1415RUNE-COVERED OAK

This huge tree is called Sundering Break Broken Wood to the dwarves, and it has an important role in their religious history.  To everyone else it is just a huge oak tree covered with dense runes, carved and painted into the bark.

1507ABANDONED WAGONS

These two wagons contain 800 silver worth of exotic spices.  Free for the taking.  If a party wants to sell them, they'll probably need horses; spices are heavy.  A small town (Foggybottom, Drytop) will usually buy 1d100 silver worth of spices.  A large town (Angelspit) will usually buy 3d100 worth of spices.  Every port has a 1-in-6 chance to have a merchant ship in harbor who will buy the whole bunch of spices for 75% of their worth, if the PCs are willing to sell.

A small sign along the path reads, “Cameleo, the King of Horses, bids you welcome to his Horse Emporium.  24 miles to the south, and worth every inch!  If that distance seems far, you need a better horse!”  On the back of the sign, someone has written “horses horses horses horses horses”.

1508MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

Written by Riddlerum, a man who betrayed the Zombie King and is now being punished for it.  It contains directions to the buried treasure in Hex 0709 (although no mention of the zombies buried with the treasure).  The message concludes that if the party recovers the treasure, the recipients owe him enough to rescue him from Zombie Island.  Please please please.  Also he can lead you to more treasure, and he was only imprisoned for trying to do a good deed, etc.  He writes as if he were well-educated.  Maybe someone in town has heard of him?

1509SILVER MINE

An old silvermine sits in the hills here.  It is boarded up and with a big skull drawn on the boards.  If the party pries it open and goes inside, they will find 3 dead miners who appear to have been skinned alive.  A little further on and on a short side branch, 4 bottles of lantern oil.  A little further on and on a side branch, a working bullseye lantern and 3 broken ones.  Then there is a mine cart on its side and a set of minecart tracks that go uphill for a very long ways.

After 200' of incline there is a smal pallet of silver bars (worth 600 silver total) under a dusty tarp.  After 400' of incline there is evidence that a large rock has fallen from the roof right onto the tracks, and a few pebbles besides.  After 500' it levels out into a dead end.  There is another minecart here, sitting on the tracks on top of this underground hill.  Also, 5 skin kites will shake the dust off themselves and take to the air, eager to suck the air out of the PCs lungs.

The PCs could ride a minecart back as an easy escape, but if they didn't clear the track where the rock fell on it, it'll be a very incomplete escape.  Either way, when the minecart takes a tumble (and it will) everyone in the cart takes 1d6 fall damage.

1510KING OF HORSES

Cameleo the King of Horses is clearly not from around here.  He is protected by a quartet of masked guards who sit together on a fence like birds on a wire.  Behind the fence is his inventory: 8 horses, 4 giant mountain goats, 1 camel (who can drink seawater), and even a pair of ridable axebeaks (they are mated, and must not be separated).  The horses are the cheapest thing for sale.

One he is sure that the PCs didn't come here merely to rob him, he'll take them back to a secret pasture where his prize horse is kept.  “This mare is named Verity, and she can tell when a person is lying.”  Incredibly enough, the horse trader is not lying, and when the mare hears a lie, she will whinny with a scoffing, incredulous sound.  Psht.  All for the low price of 1000 silver!

If the PCs buy the magic horse, Cameleo will yell after them as they are leaving, cautioning that the mare must never be allowed to lose her virginity.  He doesn't know what will happen.  He is just passing on the message that was passed to him.  Probably nothing.  I wouldn't worry about it.

1511AMAZONS

4 giant, muscular women riding giant geckos.  They are not malicious, but they are playful and mocking, especially of the weak and silly things that civilization engenders.  They are 4th level fighters and very well armed.  Each carried 1d6 gold and a magic tooth on a necklace.  If the thong is dissolved in water and drank, it grants the recipient a new save against an ongoing disease with a +2 bonus.

1512CRYSTALLINE CLIFF

The side of an entire cliff is sheer and semi-translucent, like it were cloudy, scuffed glass (it's quartz).  Dark shapes can be seen behind the quartz, but nothing indistinct.  If the party lingers here, a dead harpy will fall from the sky with a splat of feathers.  She was just dropped by her three sisters; this is a harpy funeral.

1513INJURED POACHER

A poacher named Ol' Madder is lying down beside a stream bed with a nocked bow in his lap.  He broke his leg in one of his own traps and is wondering how the fuck he is going to survive this.  He will be overjoyed to see human faces, and will bargain for rescue.  Any payment he promises is going to be mostly paid in furs—he doesn't have many liquid assets.

In another part of the hex there is a meadow with a flat stone in the center, upon which someone has carved a (surprisingly deep) spiral.  (Seriously, how deep is this carved line?)

1514GRIZZLED PALADIN

A (3rd level) paladin, Grundar the Chaste, is quietly riding a nimble warhorse through the dense trees.  He is every inch a paladin, even though he is wearing dark leathers.  He is has been tracking a pack of orcs for days through these forests.  In another day he will have found them (in Hex 1414).  

He's not so foolish as to think that he can fight 11 orcs at once and win.  He was contemplating guerilla warfare for a few days followed by a brave charge into their midst.  But now that the PCs are here, he has a better idea: get one of the PCs to challenge the orcs leader, Raknost, to a duel.  Orcish law dictates that untested chieftans can never turn down challengers.  Grundar the Chaste would challenge Raknost himself, except the savvy old orc knows him by face, and would refuse because they hate paladins.  The orcs will disband or surrender without they're leader; Grundar knows that they're stretched to the breaking point.  He offers 75s plus whatever the dead orc is carrying.

Trivia:

- No alcohol was consumed during the writing of this.  It felt weird.

- Vorglins are the same thing as Yoblins/Veglins because I'm an indecisive twat and can't pick a name that sounds good.

- The magic horse in 1510 might be my favorite entry.  Although I do like Annabelle's plot in 0114, too.

- In my imagination, the dead mountain climber in 1311 looks exactly like +Patrick Stuart, because he's always writing stylish rules for climbing and rappelling, and that's what happens when you don't write more rules for dodging goblin-stabs aimed at your head meats.

- Hex 0907 has were-toads.  +Michael Raston likes were-toads.  I like +Michael Raston.

- +Claytonian JP might be doing some illustrations for some elements of the Frogstar Peninsula.  I'll probably do fuller write-ups for the different factions and creatures of the Peninsula in the days to come, so look for his art there.

To Do

I skipped over a bunch of monster entries.  The treasure is probably all screwy, so I'll need to drop some math on that shit, too.

The random monster tables are halfway finished. . . but I expect they'll complete themselves as I pull ideas from the dungeons as I write them.

Each mini dungeon has a few sentences of idea meat.  Each full dungeon has a couple pages, and some shitty maps, but that's not nearly enough. 

Oh well.

---

Stat Block Style Guide

May 29, 2014, 11:56 pm

≫ Next: A Digression About Wizards

≪ Previous: Frogstar Peninsula Hexcrawl v0.2

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So I've been thinking about style recently.

I figure there's two kinds of statblocks.

There's the kind that goes at the end of the book where they list out all of the numbers. It needs to be narrow enough to fit in a two column format. The most important factors are readability and completeness (because some people might want an “official” set of numbers for a monster).

Troll		XP	800
HD	6	Reac	-3
AC	4 [15]	Int	7 / hungry
Save	10	Mor	10
Mov	12
Atk	+4/+4 Claws (1d8)
Regenerate 3

Defensive stuff, mental stuff, and attacky stuff all have their own sections. They're mostly listed in the order that they'll be used, too.

Movement, and Attacks each get their own line, because those are the things that are most likely to overflow. Special Abilities go last, and leave room for however many you want to tack on.

There's potentially room for more stuff on there (Strength, Treasure Hoard, # Appearing, Alignment) but I didn't include them for good reasons. Strength might be useful for a DM who is trying to figure out a grapple, but a lot of DM's have grapple/shoving systems that use HD to figure out how hard it is to grapple something, rather than Strength. Also Str is often pretty intuitive (while Int is not).

Treasure Hoard and # Appearing are usually already included in whatever module spawned this monster. Room descriptions already tell you both of those, and random encounter tables usually tell you how many are appearing.

And fuck Alignment. It's always pretty obvious. That's like listing the color of orange juice on the side of the box. (And if it's not obvious, you can just stick it down in the Special Abilities section.)

Then there's inline stat blocks. These are the ones that go in the middle of a paragraph, usually in the middle of a hex or room description. The most important factor is conciseness.

Troll: HD 6, AC 15, Claws +4/+4 (1d8), Regenerate 3, XP 800.

HD, AC, attacks, special abilities, and XP are always printed.

Saves are assumed to be 5+HD, roll under with a d20 = success.

Reaction modifiers, intelligence, movement speed, and morale are straightforward enough that the DM can set them on the fly. (e.g. Snakes run slower than a man, horses run faster.) If any of these are remarkable or non-intuitive, they will be listed.

XP might be a little bit redundant, but I personally find it a pain to tally up all of the XP after a session. It'd be nice to have a little inline number that I could just add up as a monster gets killed.

A Digression About Wizards

May 30, 2014, 1:04 am

≫ Next: Optional Rule: Wizard Vision

≪ Previous: Stat Block Style Guide

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When they're not being cast, spells occupy a different dimension than us.  That dimension overlaps with our own, because all dimensions overlap.  It's a plane composed not of atoms or molecules, but consciousness.  Wizards call it the ethereal plane.  It "looks" empty to our eyes because we cannot see the stable, self-sufficient elements of sentience that compose it.

Another word for a stable, self-sufficient element of sentience is "spell".  The power of a spell relies on the tension between the ethereal plane and the material.  A spell's energy, to generate heat or light or power, doesn't seem to come from any material source, because it doesn't.  The ethereal plane powers spellcasting.  Sentience itself powers magic (and sentience is about as difficult to define as magic is).

Now, a human is mostly meat.  But there is some sentience in there too (almost always located in the brain).  And there are some ethereal creatures that are inverse: mostly sentience but with a little bit of meat as well.  A human who has learned to use his sentience as a tool--who has weaponized his sentience--in order to affect magic is called a wizard.

(The ethereal plane has counterparts to materials and energy, too.  Just as the fundamentals of matter can be said to be atoms and quarks, the fundamentals of consciousness can be said to be emotions and qualia.  A prick of coldness on non-existent skin.  A spurt of jealously, isolated an undefined.  We don't think of these things as sentient or aware--they aren't--but they are the building blocks.)

(And there are analogues for bigger things, too.  The material plane has mountains of granite and oceans of water.  The ethereal plane has vast plains of anger, crystallized and insensate.  There are also self propagating fractals of mathematics, logical cysts of multiplication that branch off and up until they crumble under their own fragility.  What numbers are these trees of mathematics multiplying?  Why, they aren't multiplying anything at all, merely the naked concept.")

Humans have a hard time thinking about these things as separate, although they are.  For a long time people thought of the human meat body as a whole.  They thought of it as something complete, independent, and not too complex.  Only after the microscope was invented did we start to see ourselves as a summary of billions of cooperating cells, each one virtually an animal in it's own right.

And populations of humans cells can continue to thrive and live on, even long after the human has died.  (See: Henrietta Lacks, who is both immortal and dead).  Spells can do this, too.  In the flash of their casting, they can destabilize, mutate, and grow like a cancer.  These spells swell with the rich effluvium of the wizard's cerebrospinal fluid, and grow thick from the ejaculate of his mind.  THE SPELL GROWS MEAT.  These degenerate, autonomous spells are what we call demons.  

But I digress.

Memorizing a spell is not like memorizing a series of noises and hand motions.  It's like inviting a spell into your brain by creating a suitable environment for it to reside.  It's like building a trap for an external fragment of sentience.  It's like creating an impression in our dimensional fabric so that water on the other side can pool there.  It's like a gravity well.

That's why casting a spell "erases it from your memory"--because it's not erasing anything.  It's merely the dissipation of a certain pattern of consciousness.

To put it another way, it's like weaving a netted bag (out of your neurons) to catch (invite) a fish (spell).  You can't handle this fish with your hands, so your only way to affect that fish is through handing the bag.  And then when you want to hit something with the fish, you throw it, releasing both the bag and the fish.  (Why do all of my metaphors get stupid at the end?)

This is why why wizard neurons literally tie themselves in knots.  This is why wizard brains twist themselves into maddening shapes, and carve the inside of the skull.  This is why wizard heads are valuable even if they are severed.  This is why wizards invariably go mad.  (The only wizards who don't go mad are the ones who've managed to cast the fewest spells.)

And this is why wizards are some of the most ignorant people on the planet:

Because spellcasting requires a very specific microenvironment in a very small part of the wizard's brain, the act of "memorizing" a spell requires cultivation of certain mental traits.  Not only must wizards learn otherworldly esoterica, but they must also believe some of it as well.

People often contrast arcane spell with divine miracles by claiming that the former is powered by knowledge and belief and the latter is powered by emotions and belief.  As far as reductionistic, crude simplifications go, this one is pretty accurate.

And so wizards believe such strange things because they must.  If they stopped believing in these things, they would cease being wizards.  No spell would ever come to roost in a brain that hasn't contorted itself into a suitable nest!  The regular sulci and gyri of sailors and scholars are but vulgar and transient to spells.

And so wizards believe that there are barnacles that turn into geese.  That black cats herald doom.  That certain circular patterns can trap demons inside when made from silver.  That crows can carry away souls.  That the planet is hollow and is lit by a miniature star.  That the speak with dead spell actually allows communication with the spirit of one who has passed.

They guard their thoughts by following strange traditions.  They filter their perception of reality by isolating themselves in tower and in monasteries.  In their books they have built a false history of the world with false maps and false assumptions.  And yet the same wizards who can level a city block with a few words are also the ones who have no idea how boats float or babies are concieved.

Optional Rule: Wizard Vision

May 30, 2014, 4:18 am

≫ Next: Optional Rule: Hallucinations

≪ Previous: A Digression About Wizards

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Riffing off my last post (Digression: Some Bullshit About Wizards), this post is about Wizard Eyes.  You know, sight beyond sight?  The magical dimension behind our own?

I'll let Ice King explain.

Optional Rule: Wizard Vision

The first time you cast any spell that lets you see unseen things, it also gives you Wizard Vision.  This is a one-way road, and it is permanent.  Things that have been seen cannot be unseen.

The first time a wizard casts any sort of -sight or detect spell on himself, he gains Wizard Vision (except for detect magic, that one's safe).  Then, you have a choice to make.  You can accept the weird meta-reality that lurks behind our own, or you can reject it.

• Reject: Lose 1d6 Wisdom as cognitive dissonance makes you loopy.
• Accept: Lose 1d6 Charisma as impossible sights assail your humanity.

In exchange, you gain two new powers:

• Can cast detect invisibility at will, and with a thought.
• Know if another creature is a spellcaster or not by looking them in the eye.

Let's not talk about how balanced this is, and instead talk about how cool it is.

It explains why wizards are frequently crazy (-1d6 Wis) or a little alien (-1d6 Cha).

It explains why wizards are always seeing invisible heroes sneak into their room.

It explains why wizards can recognize each other, and allows for dramatic NPC introductions.

wizard eyes: not even once

Optional Rule: Hallucinations

May 30, 2014, 7:56 am

≫ Next: Encounters on the Sea of Suloi

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It's tough to have good hallucination rules.  The usual fallback are confusion spells, which are just a small table (d4) of options that include stabbing yourself, stabbing an ally, etc.  That's more of a "do random stuff" effect and not much of a "perceive random stuff" which is sort of what hallucinations would do.

There are a couple of reasons why it's hard to write good hallucination rules.

1. It depends on making up random stuff.  Random stuff is hard.

2. If you're rolling on a big table before you tell a player "you see a purple dragon in the tavern, what do you do?", then the player will metagame and realize that the purple dragon is a hallucination.  They can't help it.

3. The game pretty much depends on describing scenes to the group, and then letting them act on it.  Hallucinations mess with this simple, effective process.

So here's my attempt.

Whenever a player is HALLUCINATING, roll on this table whenever something significant happens.  E.g. monsters attack, the PC enters a new area, an NPC begins saying important stuff, etc.  Also whenever something happens that only the hallucinating PC witnesses.

D8
1    Wrong tool / wrong verb.
2    Wrong target / wrong noun.
3    Misinterpret the situation.
4    See things that aren't there.
5-8 Nothing.  Describe the scene naturally.

You can make this roll every round to constantly add hallucinations, or you can roll once at the start of the scene and just maintain the same ones.

IMPORTANT: This will only work if you describe the scene to the hallucinating PC first and make him decide what he wants to do.  Only after the hallucinating PC chosen their actions do you describe the scene accurately to the rest of the group.

IMPORTANT: The hallucinating player may say, "well, I look at my fellow party members and see how they are reacting before I do anything".  This is not a bad idea, but this delay will also (a) cost the hallucinating person their first turn in combat while they look at their companions, and (b) also gets it's own roll on the hallucination table.

Example: Encountering hostile goblins.

1. Tool/Verb: "You see some goblins about to attack you with feather dusters."
2. Target/Noun: "You see some orcs about to attack you."
3. Misinterpret: "You see some goblins having a nice tea party."
4. Stuff that isn't there:"You see some goblins about to attack you.  They have a troll with them."

Example: Seeing a waterfall.

1. Tool/Verb: "You see a waterfall, except it's not falling.  It's just standing still."
2. Target/Noun: "You see a flow of gold coins pouring off a ledge and disappearing into the water."
3. Misinterpret: "You see a cave with a waterfall.  The air is dry and hot, and you can taste copper."
4. Stuff that isn't there: "You see a waterfall with nymphs washing their hair beneath it."

Example: Hallucinations begin mid-combat

1. Tool/Verb: "You thought you shot an arrow, but actually you just threw your sword."
2. Target/Noun: "You tried to attack the ogre, but you accidentally attacked your friend."
3. Misinterpret: "You thought you killed the ogre last round, but he's still here somehow."
4. Stuff that isn't there: "One of the ogres opens his mouth and vomits out a grey ooze."

Each of these gives the players an honest choice based on dishonest information.  That's good--choices are more fun than losing control of your character while the DM rolls his actions.

If you want a more granular mechanic, you can also roll a d4 to see how believable it is.
1    Completely silly.  Goblins having a teaparty.
2-3 Something in between.
4    Completely possible.  Goblins have a troll with them.

If you want a random noun generator to help you come up with stuff, just google one.  I liked this one:

http://www.randomlists.com/random-nouns

NOTE: In order to prevent players from metagaming, be sure to roll every time and present the information in the same way.  Think poker face.

NOTE: If a PC is hallucinating, lay it on thick! So far I've only described the big, mechanically significant hallucinations, but you should also be adding in little fluff hallucinations constantly.  "Fluff" hallucinations are the ones that still sound crazy but don't really affect the game much.  Don't bother interrupting the flow of the game for these, because they won't have much gameplay impact (either because they're minor details that don't change how a player would make decisions, or the PC has time to look at how his companions are reacting).

Examples of fluff hallucinations:

1    Your spaghetti is writhing like worms.

2    You hear your father's voice, calling you to come home.

3    You can hear the sun burning in the sky like a bonfire.

4    Everyone in this marketplace is looking at your butt.

5    Something is growing inside your stomach.

NOTE: Test for false positives.  Whenever something could happen that only the hallucinating PC could witness, roll the d8.  Like when the waitress served the spaghetti, did she really whisper "meet me in the kitchen in five minutes" or not?

It's not a complicated rule, but it does take a while to understand.  Rolling a d8 doesn't take much time, especially if you roll the d4 at the same time.  Once you get the hang of it, it'll flow a lot smoother.

Honest choice.  Dishonest information.

Encounters on the Sea of Suloi

May 31, 2014, 4:36 am

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So my Centerra setting is pretty much just South America.  There's a big continent that stretches from sunbaked wasteland in the north to frozen wasteland in the south.  And there's an ocean on each side.

South America, pretty much

And since I'm currently working on a hex crawl centered around the Frogstar Peninsula (i.e. this place). . .

I figure I should do some more write-ups about the Sea of Suloi (i.e. this place).

the prismatic waters, the sea of suloi, and the arcade

Technically, everything that is blue in that picture is the Sea of Suloi.  The southwestern part is called the Prismatic Waters and the northeastern part is called the Arcade.

The Prismatic Waters are called that because they change colors.  Like, without warning, the whole ocean will suddenly change colors from Pantone 15-5217 to 17-5641.  It happens in an eyeblink.  If you're at sea and watching the horizon, you can see it sweep across the ocean like a shockwave.  The colors don't seem to do anything, but some of them herald certain ocean-wide effects.  Every sailors most feared color is this one.  They won't even name it out loud.  It is literally the worst luck.  It's a baseless superstition everywhere else except the Prismatic Sea, where it really does herald Bad Things.

pure evil

Wizards think that the color changes occur because of a massive, enchanted prism prison beneath the waves that holds a rainbow elemental.  Different colors correspond to different emotions, and these emotional releases affect the outside world.  (Purple, of course, represents fear.)  But then again, wizards are idiots.  Scholars believe that this is the result of tiny organisms in the water (bacteria?  viruses?  abiotic prions?) that are attuned and reacting to some external stimuli.

The Arcade was named thus because it sometimes has a lot of columns.  The columns are waterspouts.  Ocean tornadoes.  They happen all the time in the Arcade, and no one knows why.

But not only are the waterspouts constant, they're also weird.  They form during storms as often as they form during clear weather.  The form rows.  They form pairs that spiral around each other like DNA.  They form arches, and funnel the water from one part of the ocean to another.  The arches look like rainbows; you can sail safely beneath them.  (It is said to be good luck.)

Of course this also makes the Arcade incredibly dangerous for ships.  Most boats go around it.  Even the merfolk, with their mostly-submerged boats, still risk getting their sails torn off by waterspouts.

And of course the ecology of the place is all jacked up, too.  Enormous flying things filter the filter the plankton out of the air (which is constantly filled with plankton-containing mist).  There is a species of large dolphin that rides the waterspouts for fun.  But most animals have a hard time surviving in this place.  Near the boundaries of the Arcade, it is not uncommon to witness a rain of anchovies, kelp, or tiny squid.

it's rare that I find a picture of exactly the image I was thinking of

And strange things happen in the middle of the Sea of Suloi, too.  

The Sea of Suloi is a remarkably shallow sea.  Between a major river (the mighty Shunatula) emptying into it and massive algae blooms, there is a lot of biomass drifting to to the bottom of the ocean.  The sludgey, sandy bottom is a vibrant ecosystem (and not truly comparable to anything we have on Earth).

Biology Digression: There is a type of colonial yeast that grows in the nutrient-rich sludge on the ocean floor.  These yeast-colonies grow over the course of decades and resemble oversized sponge-corals.  These yeast-colonies are eaten by a species of giant sea cucumber which burrows holes through the yeast-coral, forming a tunnel system.  These tunnel systems form their own microecosystems, and are home to all sorts of specialized animals.  These creatures produce a large amount of gaseous waste, which eventually infuses into the yeast-coral to such a degrees that the whole thing becomes bouyant.

No one in Centerra has any notion about anything in the previous paragraph, however.  I only mention it to you, dear reader, so that the next paragraph will make sense.

Every so often in the Sea of Suloi, a giant island of spongy mud will explode to the surface in the middle of the ocean.  These sponge islands, called cucumber baskets, spongetunnels, kingmuds, or brinestacks, are hundreds of feet across and full of tunnels.  These tunnels are full of lots of animals, but they are also full of giant sea cucumbers, a fantastic delicacy--the dish of kings.  A dried giant sea cucumber is worth its weight in gold.

And so everyone is thrilled when one of the sponge islands erupts to the surface.  Although the air around a sponge island is dangerous immediately after it surfaces, people will flock to the site because such great treasures can be found inside of it.  There are specialized ships and crews that search out these floating islands and make good profit by doing to, even though their appearance is mostly random.

And they are quite dangerous places.  The giant sea cucumbers can defend themselves by shooting sticky, acidic intestines from their anuses (google it) but they are not the most dangerous of the sublittoral organisms that live there.  And there are environmental dangers, too.  Drowning, "bad air", becoming trapped in a smaller tunnel, and--the biggest danger--that the whole island might flip over.

they stink on the outside they smell even worse on the inside especially if they've been drying in the sun for a couple of days

But it's not only the specialists who venture into these death traps.  Merchant galleons, whalers, passenger ships, pilgrimage barges, poet joyjiggers--nearly all ships will stop and investigate one of these things, simply because a giant sea cucumber is worth a small fortune.

Side note: despite the fact that the merfolk are the hated enemies of all land-dwellers (and vice versa), giant sea cucumbers are the merfolk's greatest export.  Merfolk smugglers and human smugglers do profitable business with each, and have shared many a glass of wine as they grow rich together.  Both groups are hated by their respective species as traitors.  (The merfolks' biggest import is tinplated steel.)

Physics Digression: The solubility of a gas in a liquid is (roughly) proportionate to the pressure.  So when the pressure drops, previously dissolved gases will appear as bubbles (like opening a soda can).  This is true for yeast-coral-islands that rise to the surface.  As they rise, they become more bouyant, not less. Their eruption from the surface of the water is a violent, dramatic process.  The waves capsize small boats, the ocean turns brown with mud, and black crabs rain from the air.

money in the bank

So if Centerra is analogous to South America, there is also cheap Panama Canal knockoff (although it's really more like the Sea of Marmara).  Go back to that close up picture near the top (#3) and you can see where the Sea of Suloi meets the Sea of Fish.  It's a pair of small oceans: the Valdine Sea and the Queen's Sea.

Like the Panama Canal, all ship traffic that wants to go from one ocean to the other must pass through there.  These two small seas are ruled by merfolk--it's probably their biggest stronghold.  (They even have some land-based colonies, like Valdina).  And since merfolk generally hate humans*, very little traffic gets through.

*Merfolk have weird ideas about identity.  They hate humans on the institutional, conceptual level, but are much friendlier to lone humans.  This friendliness sometimes extends to small groups.  Sometimes.

The only people who get through the Valdine sea are the friends of the merfolk, and that's a very short list.  The weirdos from Valdina get free passage, but there aren't many of them, so whatever.  Most of the ship's you'll see there are pirate ships and smugglers that have managed to get into the good favor of the merfolk.

Interestingly, the Valdine and Queen's Seas have currents.  In the winter, the ocean pours from east to west, draining the Sea of Fish into the Sea of Suloi.  Millions of gallons of water per day.  It's impossible to sail against the current.  And in the summer, the inverse occurs.  Because of this, the Valdine and Queen's sea are only bidirectionally navigable about 70% of the year.

No one has any idea why the seas do this.

Encounters on the Open Ocean
After every X days of sailing, roll a d6.

1 Harmless sea creatures
2 Dangerous sea creatures
3-4 Other ship
5-6 No encounter


Harmless Sea Creatures

1 Mermaids
2 Butterfly migration
3 Sea gulls or other birds
4 Whales
5 Anomalocarisoid
    (beautiful but stay the fuck out of the water)
6 Straylight marauader
    (at surface to release planula, will tan you in ~3 minutes, don't stare directly at it)
7 Octopus dog
    (looks like an octopus, acts like a friendly dog, climbs on board, dances for food)
8 Freak Wave
    (easy sailing check)
9 St. Elmo's Fire
    (Green will-o'-wisps temporarily infest sail, harmless unless disturbed)
10 Eel migration
    (Good eating)
11 Mist people
    (look more like small, vertical pillars of mist, but sailors insist they're people)
12 Local effect: water color change, waterspout formation, or cucumber basket.
    (Depending on location.  Waterspouts require an immediate sailing check vs disaster.)

the first 25 seconds of this video are useless and annoying

but you get to see a sea cucumber poop later on, so there is that

Dangerous Ocean Creature Disposition

1 Mating / birthing / courtship display
2 Fighting / eating something else
    1 Harmless sea creature
    2 Dangerous sea creature
    3 Another ship
3 Hunting Cautiously
4 Hunting Patiently
5 Hunting Playfully
6 Hunting Desperately
7 Hunting Erratically
8 Berserker Mode


Dangerous Ocean Creatures

1 Sharks
2 Giant Shark
3 Flying Squid (magical flight, sneak in your window and eat you in your hammock)
2 Giant Mantis Shrimp
3 Flying Eyeballs (paralyzing gaze)
4 Dire Pelicans
5 Tiger Seals (Sorta cute, really fucking scary, like dire wolves)
6 Memory Fog
    1 Adrift and starving
    2 Lost love
    3 Mutiny
    4 Drowning
7 Sirens
8 Napalm Squid
9 Barnacle King
10 Dunkleosteus
11 Razor Rays
12 Phantom Mantas
13 Maelstrom Maw (Charybdis + Sarlacc)
14 Brine Slime (floating ooze, vulnerable to fire)
15 Weresharks
16 Flotsam Elemental (only destroys ships, does not attack people)
17 Ship Golem (insane relic of ancient war)
18 Sailback crocodiles (supposedly taught sailing to humans, sailors respectful but scared)
19 Cumulonictus
20 Bad news. . .
    1 Stygian Spike Kings (1d3)
    2 Corpiculata Infectatus (terminal stage)
    3 Leviathan
        1 Serpentine
        2 Fusiform
        3 Insectile
        4 Mantaform
    4 The Witch Whale
        1 Curiosity
        2 Enslavement
        3 Madness
        4 Devour

GUYS THIS WAS A REAL ANIMAL ONCE

DUNKLEOSTEUS AND  HIS LITTLE BUDDY, DAVY

NOTICE TEH TADPOLE TAIL IS SUPER ADORABLE

Lenguamancy

May 31, 2014, 4:41 pm

≫ Next: Boss Mechanics from World of Warcraft

≪ Previous: Encounters on the Sea of Suloi

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This is a continuation of my previous school of wizardy posts.
http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2014/01/more-monastic-wizards.html

A Note About Fashion

I figure that wizards are among the most powerful and visible people in Centerra.  And powerful, visible people often get to set fashion trends, or at least buy clothing directly from the people who do.  Cutting edge fashion trends tend to take a lot more risks than the everyday stuff that is eventually derived.  Combine this with very old traditions and conservative institutions who don't give a fuck about looking modern, and you've got a recipe for outrageous uniforms.

these vatican guards give no fucks

But please don't think that people don't take wizards in Centerra less seriously because of what they wear.  Quite the opposite.  Wizards are the only people who have full latitude in what they wear.  Fighters need to wear armor, nobles need to wear expensive, modern stuff.  Wizards wear strange fashions because they can.

Also, I only talk about wizard fashion because I imagine schools of wizardry being very distinct places.  Adventuring wizards probably wear more practical clothes.  These are just the things wizards wear in cities, when they're representing their college, or when they want to look formal.

Also note that it's only wizarding colleges that have weird fashions.  The more traditional master-apprentice wizards don't do anything so patently ridiculous.

Lenguamancers

Lenguamancers are wizards who specialize in the magic of tongues, that most important of organs.

While the Stewer's Guild of Keldyn is best known for making the 100-Year Stew every century or so, the real backbone of the Guild are the Lenguamancers.  While the preparation and presentation of the 100-Year Stew is vitally important for obvious reasons, the decades between Stews give the Guild little influence in the world--except, of course, for the lenguamancers.

It is important to note that the Lenguamancers are a distinct group from the Alchemist-Cooks.  While some talented individuals master both arts, the two groups are better known  as rivals.

Lenguamancers train in the College of the Purple Dome, in the city of Trystero.

The lenguamancers grew out of a mystery cult, although those roots are barely visible now.  They believe that the tongue is the seat of the mind, and indeed the soul.  The tongue both produces sounds that communicate, and it tastes things which perceive the world.  They believe that all senses are variations of taste, but taste, since it is the most primordial sense, is the most reliable.  Your eyes may fail, your ears may deceive you, but the tongue alone is infallible.

Lenguamancers wear robes of white, pink, and red.  Underneath the gowns, they wear a light framework called a hustle* that is designed to make their shoulders look bigger.  They usually eat a palette cleanser in between spells, typically ginger, and typically stored in their left sleeve.

*Similar to how Victorian-era women used a bustle underneath their dress to make their butt look enormous, old Centerran fashion once had men wearing a similar thing for their shoulders: the hustle.  They're now painfully unfashionable, and only worn by certain conservative groups.  The momentum of tradition, I guess.

Lenguamancers have developed alternative ways to record spells in spellbooks, probably due to a small amount of scorn for the written word.  Completely unique in the wizarding universe, some lenguamancers are illiterate.

Observances
- Never allow yourself to be tasted.  Tiny parasites (smaller than a mouse) don't count.
- Depends on the stars.  Every day, roll a d12:

1  must only eat fruit
2  must only eat vegetables
3  must only eat grains
4  must only eat dairy
5  must only eat meat
6  never speak
7  never stop speaking (whisper-mumbling is OK)
8  must only speak adjectives
9  must only speak nouns
10 must only speak monosyllabic words
11 roll twice and use both
12 no restrictions (though most lenguamancers eat candy on these days)

Special Ability: Taste the Unknown
By tasting something, you can ascertain its hidden truths.  By licking a person, you can discover their mood, health, diet, and usually some lifestyle clues.  By licking an item, you gain the effects of detect magic and identify on that item.  You can always detect poison by taste, and usually spit it out fast enough to suffer no ill effects.

Level 1 Lenguamancer Spell List:
1. charm person
2. control tongue*
3. mirror tongue*
4. silence*
5. sleep
6. speak with animal
7. speak with architectural element*
8. speak with enchantment*
9. speak with dead
10. speak with metal
11. speak with plants
12. audible illusion

Control Tongue lets you take control of a person's tongue for a few turns.  You can't speak through your mouth since you are speaking through the person's mouth (with their voice, naturally).  The other person actually has no control over their voice (although they can clap their hands over their mouth or something).

Mirror Tongue lets you speak any language you choose for a few minutes.  It can be a language that you identify by name ("elvish") or just indicate ("whatever that guy over there is speaking").  This doesn't apply to written languages in any way.

Silence prevents the target from speaking if they fail their save.  It lasts for a few turns or until the caster speaks (whichever occurs first).  Since this spell can be used to silence spellcasters, it is the most feared ability of lenguamancers.

Speak With X lets the caster pose 3 sentences or questions to the target.  Dead or inanimate objects will answer questions honestly, although the answers tend to be strange and cryptic, since the temporary minds that the spell gives the object tend to be alien, stupid, or both.  Architectural elements (wall, door, floor) can answer simple questions ("is there a secret passage in you?""what's on the other side of you?") but have hard time with specifics, such as how the secret passage is opened or what kind of creatures are on the other side.  Speak with enchantment also works with curses, who are known to be insulting and vile in personality.

some people can't roll their tongue some people can roll it 3x it's genetic

Closing Thoughts

In the games I've played, the speak with X spells are always hella fun.  It's a lot more interesting to talk to a wall about what's behind it than it is to just cast a divination spell that lets you see through walls, and you get to discover what kind of personality a hamster has when you talk to it.  Fun.

The observances are potentially pretty damning, since you lose a prepared spell whenever an enemy bites you AND you probably need to carry 5 types of rations (or carry different kinds on different allies) which requires tracking rations by type (pain in the ass) . . . but maybe that's appropriate for a wizard who works with a culinary institution like the Stewer's Guild.

And being able to cast identify by licking something is also a powerful ability.  It might even be worth the onerous observances.

And if you don't like the whole special ability / observance thing, you can always just drop it and use the spell list.

Boss Mechanics from World of Warcraft

June 2, 2014, 11:48 pm

≫ Next: Mutant Wasteland Character Generation

≪ Previous: Lenguamancy

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Inspired by the respectiveposts of +Brendan S and +Gus L.  Boss mechanics are cool, y'know?  Special monsters should have special rules, or special win conditions.

what a sweet hat

So I played World of Warcraft for a while.  A huge chunk of the game revolves around big, scripted boss fights with interesting mechanics.

Nearly all of these boss fights would be pretty shitty if you ported them to D&D, especially OSR-flavored D&D.  (Though many of them would work in 4e.)

However, there are a ton of boss mechanics in the game, and once you cull all the inappropriate ones (safety dance, reflex-based stuff), there are still some that can be useful.

One word of caution.  WoW is all about getting a group to pull of a certain strategy perfectly, which is fine because you can attempt a boss fight as many times as you want.  That's not what D&D is good at.  Don't hang the entire encounter on a single hook.  Give players multiple ways to defeat a boss, and leave room for clever strategies and thinking outside the box.  Because that's where D&D really excels.

Running Battle
Zones of AoE prevent you from fighting in the same place for very long.  Combat usually becomes a running battle as the monster chases you around the dungeon (preferably back towards the entrance, but being chased deeper is a hilarious way to fuck up).

The Eater of Hours is a twisted, slug-like abomination that crawls through the black tunnels beneath the Tree of Time, where it gnaws on its roots.  Each turn and in addition to its normal attacks, the Eater regurgitates a pustule of deliquescent filth, which will immediately begin to dissolve into a cloud of acidic vapors.  Beginning the next turn and continuing for 10 turns, the lump of filth does 1d6 acid damage to everything in the room.  The party could also conceivably find a way to protect themselves from acid, or find a way to neutralize the lump of acid-filth before it begins releasing gases.

There is a rumor of a dungeon called the Tomb of Sithrak.  There is a powerful curse upon it.  Once a spell has been cast in a room, no further spells may be cast in that room until the next full moon.

is facelessness more menacing than glowy red eys?  yes

Kill the Healers First
The bad guys heal.  Killing the healer first helps the whole fight go smoother. 

Volkenrath the Soul Breaker is an immense demon.  Chained to his body is a retinue of the enslaved cultists who once thought they could control him.  They have been compelled to heal him at the expense of all things.  During combat, Volkenrath will drag the 4 cultists behind him while they feverishly heal his wounds and dispel harmful spells.

Necomancer Mung stands in his chariot, surrounded by his skeletal battalion.  He possesses a magic item that allows him to reassemble all defeated skeletons with a single spell (limitless uses).  Whenever he feels like his losses have been too heavy, he'll raise his all his fallen skeletons.

The high priority target doesn't have to be a healer either.  I ran one game where the PCs learned really quickly to kill the wrinkly dudes first, because they had half as much HP as the other cultists and their laser backpacks could do enough damage to kill an unlucky PC in one hit.

drow barbie

Separate the Twins
Enemies are much more deadly together than when they're apart.

Before the Elf-King's castle fell to ruin, the Two Tarantella Golems led courtly dances while playing lively music from their orchestral innards.  Separated, their music is slow and uncoordinated.  However, when playing together their music joins into a frenzied crescendo, and they fight with much more coordination and strength. As long as the two golems can hear each other playing, they get twice as many attacks per round.  Interposing doors and walls can block the sound, as can the silence spell.

The Blonkrieg Berserkers are a pair of twin brothers, the half-sons of the viking god.  It has been prophecied that they will never fall is battle as long as they fight beside each other.  They stick together at all times, but when the battle-lust overtakes them, they can be lured apart easily.  All damage that a Blonkrieg takes is reduced by 10.  However, that number (10) is reduced by 1 for every 10' between them.  Beyond 100', their power is nullified.

I give up.  It's hard to find good Warcraft art.  Have a godzilla.

Stop the Runners
You need to prevent some creatures from reaching some location, or else something bad will happen.

The party already saw what happened when one goblin jumped into a mutation vat.  Now there are four goblins who are each sprinting for a different mutation vat in a different corner of the room.

Ozrukh the Orb Lord flies above the Pit of MacGuffin.  He's cast a powerful enchantment on the nearby village, and now mind-controlled townsfolk are stumbling toward the Pit like zombies.  Each blank-faced farmer that throws themselves into the pit empowers Ozrukh, healing him for 1d6+1 HP and granting him +1 to hit and damage (stacking).  PCs will have to split their actions between (a) stopping villagers from throwing themselves into the pit (and deciding if its worth it to try to keep them alive), (b) trying to barricade the entrances, and (c) Ozrukh himself, who will attempt to knock PCs into the Pit.  Ignoring the villagers and focusing on Ozrukh is totally possible, but riskier.

tell me a story

Bringing Item to Location
When you bring X to Y, good things happen.

Garglegaunt is some sort of ghoul-troll-mindflayer hybrid.  He's pretty fucked up.  If his heart is damaged it will fall out of his rotting chest cavity.  It's not the only way to kill him, but if the heart is then thrown into one of the braziers, his whole body will burst into flame (which also disables his regeneration).  At least, that's what the sage said.  Thieves might also have a chance to steal his heart right out of his chest during dinner.

When thieves stole books from the Library of Longlai and fled through the sewers, they didn't think that the books were enchanted.  The stories leapt out from the pages of the books and slew the thieves.  The PCs have been given the quest of returning the four missing tomes, which are each located in different parts of the sewers.  The books' guardians wander the sewers, too.  Although it's possible to kill them the traditional way, returning the books to the library will cause the The Paper Tiger, The Heron and the Torchbearer, The Nine Princesses, and The Hungry Giant to lie dormant once again.

Killable Only at a Certain Location or in a Certain Way
What is says on the tin.

The Slouching Beast can be slowed, and even stopped temporarily.  But with its unlimited regeneration and other total bullshit powers, it will pursue the PCs implacably.  It can only be killed where it was born: atop the Yoni Stone on level 2.

Magistrate Vool has been blessed by his patron, the god of hedonism.  He can only be killed in two ways: from the act of eating, or from the act of fucking.  While poisoning the dude is probably easier, PCs could also conjure a succubus and bargain her into this deed.  It's easier than it sounds--the magistrate conjures succubi all the time.  Everything you need is in his subterranean orgy room (pillows on all surfaces), hidden beneath the opium den.

why can't WoW be more like this I wanna be a naked dude stabbing a sad-face jellybean man with a spear

Mass Chaos
Confuse everyone for a few rounds.  Chaos ensues.

Amun-pan-pulio, high priestess of the Spiraling Chaos, knows a spell called mass chaos.  She is fond of casting it at the beginning of combat.  Everyone in the room (including herself and her boyfriend) who fails a save is overcome as if with confusion for 3 rounds.  Usually this devolves into everyone stabbing each other wildly and at random.  It's not completely moronic, since the greater number of PCs compared to cultists means that they're more likely to be chosen (at random) as targets.  (Still a giant crapshoot, though.  But hey, that's chaos for you.)

PvP-like
Sometimes the best bosses are a group like the PCs.

The "boss" of this dungeon isn't in a keyed room.  It's on the random encounter table.  There's a rival group of drow adventurers and they are the most cunning jerks you'll ever meet.  They lie as easily as they breathe, and backstab more often than they shake hands.

The giant man propped his longbow against the wall and introduced himself and Randoolf.  His companions are "men of the roads and forests", and they have recently come into possession of a map that leads to a dungeon in the middle of the woods.  They'll sell it to the party for a reasonable price and then bid farewell.  When the PCs trek to the dungeon, they may or may not notice the trio of dead adventurers in the nearby ditch, stripped of their goods and full of arrow holes.  As they exit the dungeon, tired and possibly weighed down with loot, Randoolf and his fellow bandits will attack from the trees.  It's the perfect scam.

Fixation
The enemy has a single-minded fixation on killing a certain opponent.

Part of reconsecrating the Temple of Pearls involves baptizing one of the PCs in the baptismal font.  This PC will then perform the reconsecration ceremony.  Immediately after the baptism, the corrupting spirit will manifest as a clawed tar-ghost.  This creature will pursue the baptized PC while utterly ignoring everything else.  This could be run as an environmental challenge, climbing on stuff and closing doors, or it could be run as a chase scene that only ends when the tar-ghost is defeated.

Stheriax the red dragon failed in his attempt to become a draco-lich.  It successfully created a phylactery, but its mind rotted like maggot-eaten meat.  It's barely smart enough to pursue whoever has its phylactery, but it will do that at the expense of all else.  Since the PCs are trapped in an arena with it, they may want to play keep-away with it.  Stheriax will swallow the phylactery if he can.  While in his stomach, the phylactery gives the zombie dragon regeneration, but it can be cut out of the dragon's belly if someone is swallowed, or if someone can get beneath it and slice its guts open.  (Watch out for tapeworms.)

Painful choices
Players sometimes grumble about getting stunned or silenced, since it takes away their choices for several turns.  Well, you can address that issue and introduce more tactical options by replacing stun, immobilize, silence, or pacifism effects with painful choices.  Let players choose between behaving as if they were stunned, etc, or ignoring the effect and taking some harmful effect.

Instead of paralysis, the Curse of the Kuo-Toa Fisherman pierces a creature's body with hundreds of fish-hooks, each anchored to a point in space.  If the creature moves, the hooks will rip out painful gobbets of flesh.  If the creature performs some action while standing in the same place, they take 1d6 damage.  If they run around (or get shoved around) they take 2d6 damage.

Instead of silencing a spellcaster, infect their brains with a spellworm.  Whenever the magic-user casts a spell, the worm devours another one of their memorized spells at random, causing them to lose it as if they had already cast it.

Instead of pacifism (attacking is impossible) let the Alabaster Angel stare at one of the PCs each round.  Whichever PC is the subject of her beauteous gaze is so enthralled, that they feel actual pain from attacking her.  Whenever a PC is the subject of her gaze and deals damage to her, they take damage equal to what they dealt.

Delayed Fireballs
There are a lot of variations of this.  Basically, just take a horrible spell or effect, make it worse, and then give PCs a turn to get out of the way.  A 5d6 fireball becomes a 10d6 fireball that hovers in the air for a turn before exploding.  A sleep spell becomes a paralysis cloud that takes a full turn to coalesce.  This can be used to chase PCs from key locations (secure sniping perch, chokepoint).  This can even be used to make a strong enemy easier to defeat: after the wizard is doused in time slime, all of his spells take an extra turn to "arrive". 

Change the Rules
Nothing mixes it up better than changing the rules in the middle of a combat.  These are all pretty gimmicky and gamist, but they can be fun.

• Damage is healing, and vice versa.
• Cure wounds spells are inflict wounds spells, and vice versa.
• Use Charisma instead of Strength for attack and damage rolls (since you're obviously dreaming).
• In the Dungeon of the Humble, change each (ability score) to (21-ability score.)  18s become 3s, and vice versa.
• In the Dungeon of Wind, every weapon is a ranged weapon (since they can "throw" their attack).
• In the Dungeon of Friendship, the whole party shares abilities.  The wizard can swing a sword as well as the fighter, the cleric can memorize spells as well as the wizard (in addition to his clerical magic), etc.
• All arrows deal double damage in Robin Hood's tomb.
• One PC grows a food taller and deals double damage while all others deal half and are likewise reduced.  This designation changes randomly, or perhaps it's just based on whoever was the last person to sit atop the Titan Throne.

Change the Combatants
It's more interesting when the tides turn during battle.  The easiest way to do this is with adds, but there are other ways.

• When Jubilex is at half-health, it vomits out 3 black oozes, making the combat harder.
• When Arcturus is at half-health, it catches on fire, making the combat easier.
• The dragon's eggs hatch when you bump them.
• The spider queen lays eggs that will hatch unless you set them on fire immediately.
• Reinforcement zombies pull themselves out of the ground.
• The lieutenant you killed 3 rooms back stumbles into the room, now undead.
• Severed body parts fall off the boss and attack on their own.
• The boss nullifies all spells within 100', but this ability is negated by a punch in the face.
• As the archmage turns into a dragon, 3 crossbowmen join you.
• If you get the 5th level fighter off the altar and put a sword in her hands, she'll help you.
• The room is flooding with sea water and vampiric seahorses.
• Offering the starving slaves food has a 50% chance of getting them to join you.

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Mutant Wasteland Character Generation

June 5, 2014, 11:58 am

≫ Next: Almost People

≪ Previous: Boss Mechanics from World of Warcraft

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This post is inspired by two things.

(a) I want to play in a post-apoc game. (b) People seem to really like it when their character has some unique mini-superpower.  Especially when these are active, rather than passive.  (c) How you roll stats can be rationalized in the fiction of the game.  Like, 3d6-in-order and 4d6-drop-lowest-arrange don't have to be dissociated mechanics.

Characters that hail from the neon slums generate their stats via a point-buy system.  They each choose a cybernetic enhancement, and randomly gain a city sickness.  There is very little randomness here, because the city is uniform and regular.  But at the same time, the city-dweller's average stat is half a point lower than the mutant's average stat, because the city is also toxic and oppressive.

Characters that come from the mystic vaults generate their stats randomly, but in a balanced way.  They each choose a clone phenotype based on their highest stat and a random affectation (pretty much some type of cargo cult delusion or naivete).

Characters that hail from the mutant wasteland generate their stats completely randomly.  They each get 1 beneficial mutation and 1 minor mutation.

Over the course of the game, all characters will have opportunities to accrue cybernetics or mutations.  Cybernetics cost a lot of money, but they don't count against encumbrance.  Beyond character generation, mutations are gained randomly, with equal chances of being positive or negative.

Neon Slum Urbanite

Rotted metal, exhausted concrete, electric love.  People in the crumbling cities tend to be sickly, but they make up for this through specialization.  Not all of the city-dwellers have cybernetic enhancements, but the ones who sign up to be adventurers always do.

1. Your stats are created via a point-buy system.  Set all of your stats to 6.  You have 24 points to spend across them.  At the end of this process, your stats should total up to 60.

2. Pick one of the following items from the list.  Cybernetics never count against encumbrance.

1. Spy Eye.  Your eye can pop out of your head and fly around, and you can continue to see through it all the while.  Immune to psychological illusions, and can take pictures.  However, you get -1 to ranged attacks while one-eyed, and you can't look through both at once.
2. Electrotool. Embedded in your body are a bunch of electronics that can be used as lockpick (against computer locks only), computer interface, electrical power source, and a taser.  You also take half damage from electrical attacks.
3. Dermal Armor.  Gives you +1 to AC.
4. Transponder.  Allows you to communicate with wireless communication devices, including walkie talkies and other transponders.  It's like telepathy for robots.  You can also use it to remotely control machines you set up.
5. Library Matrix. You have a library baked into your skull.  When trying to remember something about the world around you, treat your Int as if it were 18.  Only good for stuff that might be in an encyclopedia.
6. Hardpoint. You can mount any other small weapon or item onto a hard point hidden somewhere in your body. Pistols, wolverine claws, poison injectors are all perfectly concealable, and blend into your skin. Katanas and rifles can also be mounted, but are fully visible. Your “starting weapon” can be any of the ones previously mentioned.
7. Rocket Fists.  You can shoot your hands out up to 30'.  These can be used as grappling hooks with a +2 bonus, and can even reel you in.  In combat, they do 1d4 damage if 1 fist is fired and 2d4 damage if both fists are fired.  After firing, they take a turn to reel in.
8. Satellite Uplink.  Your GPS connection lets you know exactly where you are on the planet's surface.  Twice per day, the satellite can observe any GPS location you specify, take a picture of that area, and send you the image.
9. Lazarus Protocol.  Instead of dying from drowning, freezing, inhaled poisons, etc, your body enters stasis, and automatically exits stasis when the lethal environmental effect is gone.  You can also choose to enter stasis for any length of time.  After coming out of stasis, there is an X% chance of waking up dead, where X is equal to the number of years that you've been in stasis.  You always wake up hungry, dehydrated, and in no condition to fight.
10. 200 neo-shekels (or whatever 20x the average starting money is).  You're rich.

3. Get a random city sickness.  The city is a nasty place.

1. Alcoholic.  Gradually increasing penalties to everything when you are w/o booze.
2. Drug Addict.  Gradually increasing penalties to everything when you are w/o drugs.
3. Claustrophobia.  When in cramped spaces: -4 vs fear, -1 penalty to everything else.
4. Agoraphobia.  When in wide open spaces: -4 vs fear, -1 penalty to everything else.
5. Monophobia. When alone: -4 vs fear, -1 penalty to everything else.
6. Angina.  If you do any long runs or swims (or anything that requires a Con check for endurance or exertion) you need to make a save vs heart attack.  If hexcrawling and walking, you also travel slower.
7. Emphysema.  You get -4 to long runs or swims (or anything that requires a Con check for endurance or exertion).  You can only hold your breath half as long.  If hexcrawling and walking, you also travel slower. You're probably a smoker.
8. Debt.  You owe 400 neo-shekels (or whatever 40x the starting money is).  The interest is powerful nasty.
9. Crippling Debt.  As above, except 800 neo-shekels and the interest ain't that bad.
10. Hunted.  There are people trying to kill you.  Expect 1-2 assassination attempts at the worst possible time.

Mystery Cult Vault Clone

There's a bunch of vaults in the ground.  Little self-contained arcologies where people live like they were on a space station.  The people that dwell in these vaults are invariably clones, either because of inbreeding (genetic pruning can eliminate the mutants and diseased genes, but cannot introduce variety) or because clone companies apparently froze all their assets in the ground before the bombs fell.

You aren't going to roll up a specific clone here; you're going to roll up the whole vault.  They all have identical stats and abilities.  A vault will have 1-100 individuals.  Vault-dwellers also invariably degenerate into strange cargo cults or delusions, probably because they live in a world without perspective.

1. Your stats are created via balanced randomness.  The compliment of a stat is (21 - stat), so the compliment of 18 is 3, and vice versa.  Roll 3d6, assign that to a random stat, and assign the compliment to another random stat.  Do this twice more until all six stats have been assigned.  If you didn't fuck it up, they'll all sum up to 63.

2. Figure out your phenotype by rolling on the following lists, based on what your highest stat is.  Resolve ties randomly.

2.1. Strength

1. Soldier Clone.  You can rage like a berserker, getting +2 to hit and +1 to damage, but cannot calm down, act defensively, or run away until all enemies are dead.
2. Heavy Industry. You can carry twice as much stuff as normal.

2.2. Dexterity

1. Contortionist. Any constriction damage you take is halved.  Your rubbery body can squeeze into ridiculously small areas and take no penalties for fighting in cramped areas.
2. Assassin. You can also change your skin color like a chameleon, which allows you to creep around very slowly, but only very slowly and only if you are mostly naked.  

2.3 Constitution

1. Born to be Eaten.  Your blood functions as an antidote.  If someone drinks a bunch of your blood (1d6 HP worth) they get a new save against an ongoing poison with a +2 bonus.  If you draw blood in a hospital setting, you only take 1 damage.  Blood stays fresh for only a day, unless refrigerated.  You are also delicious.
2. Alchemical.  In addition to your lungs and stomach, you have a third destination down your throat: your alchemy gland!  If you swallow a potion into this gland, you will eventually lactate out another potion 24 hours later, determined randomly.  This is only random the first time, and eventually you'll be able to build a map of which potion you can convert into what.

2.4 Intelligence

1. Calculation.  You can do math as well as a computer.  Once per day, you can apply your powers of calculation to a single attack roll or Dexterity check, and get +20 to the result.
2. Memories.  You can view memories of a willing creature by groping its head.  You can share your memories with a willing creature by groping its head.

2.5 Wisdom

1. Medical Emergency Responder.  You can sense heartbeats from a distance, allowing you to guess at fear and stress states.  You can detect and identify diseases and poisons with a touch (possibly giving you a bonus to treating them).  And your saliva dries into a sticky glue that can be used to stop bleeding and waterproof small objects.
2. Mutant Hunter.  You can sense mutants and psychics within 50'.  By touching a mutant or a psychic, you can nullify their powers for 1d6 rounds if they fail a save.  You also get +4 to save vs psychic attacks.

2.6 Charisma

1. Fetish.  I'm not going to write a table for it, but pick a fetish (furries, forearms, high heels) and figure out a way that your body has been mutated to reinforce it.  You can also release pheromones once per day, which function like the charm spell to all creatures within 5' who are into your particular race/sex/attitude combination.
2. Politician.  If a bad reaction roll would normally make some enemies attack, you can postpone the hostilities by making promises.  Talk to your DM, but this usually involves giving the enemies a bunch of your stuff in order to let you walk away.  So reaction rolls become less of "are they going to attack us" and more of "how big does the bribe have to be", although they will still attack you if you renege.  Also, you can whip up a mob of peasants with a Charisma check, but you cannot get them to act outside their interests (attacking the vampire who preys on them is within their interests, as is rebelling against the king who taxes them too heavily).

3. Roll a random trait, the product of isolation, naivety, inbreeding, and cargo cultism.

1. Terrified of water.  Cannot swim.  Will only panic and drown.
2. Unable to get a good sleep outside of a bed.  -1 to stuff if you woke up on the floor today.
3. Eat a part of whatever you kill (i.e. get the killing blow on).
4. Must yell a lot every morning as part of religious ceremony.
5. Physically incapable of comprehending numbers larger than 4.
6. Physically incapable of comprehending writing, or that writing transmits information.
7. Alcohol is a deadly poison.
8. Terrified of sun.  -2 to hit in bright light.
9. Weak immune system.  -4 vs disease.
10. No comprehension of sex.  Unable to interact with opposite gender.
11. Prohibited from attacking robots, as they are the life-givers.
12. Save vs cannibalistic impulses whenever an opportunity presents itself.

Gnashing Wasteland Mutant

1. Your stats are rolled via the good 'ol 3d6-in-order method.

2. Roll a random mutant power from this table.  Mutant powers aren't linked to any particular ability score.  Each mutant power has a score associated with it, generated the same way as an ability score (by rolling 3d6).  Whenever you use an ability score, try to roll under its mutant score (3-18).  Success indicates that you can continue using the power for the rest of today, while failure means that you can use the power now, but afterwards you'll be unable to use it again until tomorrow.  Whenever you want to see how strong a mutant power is (e.g. figuring out how much your telekinesis can lift), refer to the mutant score in place of the ability score.  So "telekinesis 10" can lift about as much as the average man could by using his arms (who has Str 10).  Et cetera.

1. Doppleganger.  You can change your shape to imitate other humanoids.  If you are able to study your target (by standing in front of them, having their picture, etc) you can do it infallibly.  Otherwise, there's a chance that your transformation is a bit off. This doesn't change your stats or abilities in any way.
2. Flying Squirrel.  Take no fall damage as long as you have room to glide.  Can glide 2x as far horizontally as you fall vertically.
3. Plant.  Don't need to eat, breathe, or sleep.  You can expel a puff of pollen in a 5' cone that puts targets to sleep if their fail their save.
4. Transformer.  You can turn into an animal.  Roll a d4: cat / bird / rat / salmon.  You have the physical stats of that animal, but you can talk to similar animals.
5. Ooze. You can turn your body to liquid and slither around through cracks, under doors, etc.  As an ooze, you can also engulf people and dissolve them.  Anyone you are grappling with (in human form) or in ooze form takes 1d6 acid damage per round.  
6. Size Changer.  By shrinking to half your height, you get -4 Strength and could easily pass as a child.  By growing to double your height, you get +4 Strength (max 19) but will be cramped in most normal-sized buildings (-2 to hit).
7. Aquatic.  You can breathe and swim underwater like a fish.
8. Acid.  Your blood is acid, and any creature biting or scratching you takes half as much damage as it dealt.  You can also spit acid: 30' range, does 1d6 damage each round for 2 rounds.  Can also be used to melt stuff.
9. Tentacles.  You get +4 when grappling stuff and you can climb on walls as easily as a spider, thanks to your suction cups.
10. Snake.  You have the lower body of a snake, so you move slower.  But on the upside, you can't be tripped and your bite is deadly poison.  Biting someone in combat usually requires an attack roll with a -2 bonus.
11. Invisibility.  You can turn invisible.  Whenever you touch, attack, or pick up something, try to roll under your invisibility score (although failure here doesn't mean that you lose invisibility for today--you already made that roll when you entered invisibility).  Failure means that you drop out of invisibility, while success means that you stay in it.
12. Healing.  With a touch, you can heal a target for 1d6+1 HP.  This works on yourself.
13. Illusion.  You can generate illusions within the minds of creatures within 50', although these illusions have no sound, and they are obvious once they are touched or interacted with.
14. Empath.  If a target fails a save, they adopt whatever mood you put them in.  You can enrage normal folks, calm down raging folks, and put anyone into a good mood.  This is probably worth at least a +2 on reaction rolls.  Additionally, you can read emotions, and tell when someone is scared, lying, or trying to hide something.
15. Telekinesis.  You can pick up things with your mind and float them around.  You cannot lift yourself, however, and your range is limited to 50'.  The telekinesis has the "manual" dexterity of a mittened hand.
16. Precognitive.  You can use this power to retroactively avoid being surprised (you only) or get visions of the near future (what will happen when I open this door?)
17. Mind Control.  If your target fails their save, they become your mind puppet.  They must remain in 50' of you, and you are effectively paralyzed while you are controlling their body.  You can't even see through your own eyes, since you are busy piloting their body.
18. Telepathy.  You can send a message to anyone within a mile, and then receive their response.  Messages and responses are limited to what the player can say at the table within a single breath.
19. Teleport.  You move up to 100' away.  You can bring as much stuff with you as you can normally carry.  If this would place you in a solid object, you must save or die.
20. Pyro.  The target bursts into flame. It takes 1d6 fire damage at the start of each of its turns until someone takes the time to extinguish it.

3. Get a random minor mutation.  These are mostly cosmetic.

1. Glowing blood (random color).  Sheds light as candle.
2. Glowing eyes (random color).  Sheds light as candle.
3. Veins are black and highly visible beneath the skin.
4. Vestigial Wings.
5. Fine, iridescent scales.
6. Feathers.
7. Covered in fur.  d4: powerful beard / soft downy fur / spiky punk fur / yeti.
8. Sharp teeth, red tongue.  Strict Carnivore.
9. Pot belly.  Strict herbivore.
10. Long limbs and neck.  2' taller, but sort of giraffe-like.
11. Midget.  2' shorter.
12. One of those neck flare things that dilophosaurus had in Jurassic Park.
13. Cluster of little tentacles over one part of your body.  They move on their own.  You can't control them.  d4: belly / chin / hair / hands.
14. Vertical mouth and eyes.  Asynchronous blinks, too.
15. Eat food by piercing it with your tongue-spike and draining the fluids.
16. Your face changes every day.
17. Brute arm.  d4: mantis arm / lobster claw / bone antler-thing / invisible human arm that electrocutes things  Does 1d6+1 damage.
18. Once per month you spin a cocoon and sleep in it for 3 days.  You come out looking beautiful, but by the end of the month you're starting to look pretty haggard again.
19. Horns.  Can do 1d6+1 damage, but only on charge attacks.
20. Bellybutton is made of impenetrable darkness.  Anyone staring into it is hypnotized if they fail a save.

Usage

You can use this method of generation on top of character classes, but I think it'd be cool to generate a level 0 character via this method and then allow them to pick up a character class in play.  Actually, now that I look at this, it'd also be pretty appropriate for Synthexia.

Almost People

June 16, 2014, 11:33 pm

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To a certain extent, orcs and goblins were created so that we could have killable humanoids.  The entire species even had an alignment of Chaotic, which meant they were intrinsically antithetical to all that was good and decent in the world.

This is good, since it allows us to stop worrying about morality and instead just focus on the best way to kill those bestial, cruel, dishonorable orcs and take their treasure.  We can use anti-human tactics without actually killing humans.  Orcs are raiders and warlords, rarely adventurers or city-builders.  Many people don't like a lot of morality in their games; they want to be heroes.

But this is also bad, since dealing with trad orcs becomes a one-dimensial exercise.  Orcs are evil, violent, stupid, greedy, and dishonorable.  Their actions become predictable, and they become too shallow to hold much human drama or plots.  It becomes very easy to kill orcs on sight.  Compared this to human bandits, where PCs are much more likely to talk to them first, or to be interested in their relationships and history (+James Young taught me this).

Anyway, you don't have to open very many sourcebooks to find weird, bestial humanoids to kill.  But it's a bit harder to find monstrous races that are human.  I don't mean human in the biological sense, but monstrous races that PCs will be inclined to treat like people.  (Coincidentally, sci fi is filled with monstrous races that get treated like people.)  Anyway, here are my attempts at more human monsters.

The Ethrum

They build honeycomb cities in caves and behind waterfalls.  Their corpses appear exactly like human albinos.  However, their viscera differ, and it is impossible to cut one open and not notice the daisy-chained kidneys nor the pale, gossamer-winged arches of their tubular heart.

The orcs believe that an ethrum's organs, by virtue of their auspicious appearances, are of cosmic significance.  Orcish haruspices will pay huge prices for a live ethrum, since they believe that a haruspex will enjoy vastly superior divinations by using an ethrum.

While alive, they are truly invisible.  No light touches them, and conversely, they are blind.  They sense their environment through echolocation.  Each man or woman, made directly by their epiglottis, and they communicate with the same noises.  Each has a singular, specific, percussive syllable that they use for echolocation (to distinguish their clicks from their peers) that also doubles as their name.

They can learn to understand Common as easily as any other race, but can only speak it in whispers.

If injured, their blood appears after a few seconds, as red and as wet as any humans.  If killed, their body fades into invisibility over the course of a few seconds.  It is said that the veil of invisibility parts for them in their last moments, and they briefly glimps the visible world in the moments before death.

They wear nothing except harnesses, made so that they can be dropped at a moment's notice.  In combat, they discard their harnesses and fight with either their bare fists (many of them are excellent wrestlers) or with stilettos, so thin as to be almost invisible themselves.

Their cities are small, secretive affairs.  Their farms are fruit orchards, fisheries, and thin-stalked rice that they grow in the shallow water.  Their books are tortoise-shells filled with dense and complicated patterns of finely drilled holes.  Their women sing songful epics, beyond the boundary of conscious perception, but within subconsious recognition.  Humans are affected by these songs and are transported by its mood, although they will not realize that they are hearing it.  While traveling, they eat rice balls, usually filled with fish meat, waterfowl, or fruit.

PCs may discover an Ethrum as a (painted) wrestler in a coliseum, as a hostage in an orcish encampment, or as raiders.  Like vikings, many of them have warrior traditions that involve going on long, secret raids against settlements.  A band of ethrum warrirors will sometimes go on a single, vast raid that lasts a season or more.

The Huntresses of Zao (rhymes with "say oh")

These warrior women hail from the lands around Lake Zao, a body of water whose contours are perfectly hemispherical.  Their skin is lime green and smooth in one direction while rough in the other, like a shark's.  Their hair is red or white or ghostly green.  Their hair is huge and voluminous.  They are tall and statuesque.

They are beast riders.  Away from her homelands, you will never encounter a Huntress on foot.  She will be riding a giant gecko, terror bird, or maned serpent.

Their menfolk are never encountered.  It is said that they stay behind in their dome shaped houses, tending the burgundy eggs that their wives lay.

They drink black wine and eat raw eggs.  They sleep in trees, slumped in the branches like exhausted cats.  When one of them dies, they recover the body and feed it to the deceased's mount.  (This is one reason why they prefer carnivorous mounts.)  They paint the animal in her blood, and then turn it loose.  So if you ever see a blood-covered horse staring at you across a meadow, now you know.

They serve the dragon-sorcerer who is called Tar Lath Lien.  He has charmed them, dominated them through their generations.  They love him, adore him.  But at the same time, they know that this love is the product of an enchantment.  They know that their love for him is false, but they the strength of the enchantment is such that they cannot resent him for it.  Why should they love him, when he is aloof, and callous, and sometimes cruel?  How can they feel anything except love for him?  And since they are incapable of resenting neither Tar Lath Lien nor the enchantment, the anger and frustration spills out onto themselves.  They feel guilty, frustrated, and angry for reasons that they can't articulate.  All they know is that they love Tar Lath Lien, and would do anything to make him happy.

For his part, Tar Lath Lien uses the huntresses to guard his borders.  Since very few people are dumb enough to fuck with a sorcerer-dragon-king and his amazons, their defense is often reinforced and rarely tested.  Due to this quietude, Tar Lath Lien will often send his huntresses out into the world to let off some steam.  He knows that his enchantment is a heavy one, and the stress of such a large cognitive dissonance, for so long, for so many cannot be endured.

While wandering the world, the huntresses look to engage in heroic violence as often as possible.  Their code of honor allows them to attack anyone who is carrying a weapon.  However, they can never use a larger or more deadly weapon than their target, nor can they wear armor if their target is wearing none.  According to their rules of combat, the victor of the fight chooses the punishment that the loser will recieve.  This is usually "run them off naked and covered in bruises", but if there has been any rudeness or escalation, they don't mind killing people.

They're just as likely to seek out the bulette that's been menacing town as they are to attack merchants, trounce the guards, and steal all the money (which they will then use to throw a private party in the woods).

Every huntress has a small blue jay that nests in her hair.  When she is killed, the blue jay will immediately take flight back to Lake Zaotan.  The bird will seek the deceased's next of kin and alight on their shoulder.  Then the bird will speak in the voice of the dead woman, telling all of the circumstances of her death, including accurate descriptions of all relevant parties.  After several minutes, when the speech is concluded, the bird will drop dead.

The Naus-Garants (rhymes with "moss savants")

They look just like blonde humans, but with two exceptions.  They are all pigeon-chested, and their right eye does not resemble an eyeball but instead a blood-red marble.  They tend to have pot-bellies if they have any fat at all.  They have odd hips, and although they can walk, they cannot run.  Instead, they hop by hyperextending their knees, which makes it look like their legs are bending backwards.  This leads to their nickname of "jumpies", or more frequently, "jumbies".

Most of the superstitions about them involve walking backwards, e.g. "jumbies can't steal you outta your bed if you walk into your bedroom backwards".

They do not come from our dimension, and in fact there is no record of them beyond a couple hundred years ago.  While there are a few small, scattered colonies of them, evidence suggests that small groups of them are constantly arriving in our dimension through unknown means, an intermittent-but-still-constant flow of accidental immigrants.  They say that they come from a place called Capricavena, where they served and feared creatures that they call Vor-Gulai.  The Church of Hesaya refers to them as "Type IV demons".  But none of that really matters.

Every Naus-Garant is dying.  Our dimension is toxic to them.  They call it "falling down".  It is a path of madness and mutation that will claim their minds and memories before it claims their bodies.  The first mutation that claims them is the creation of a hole in the center of their chest, large enough to throw a pingpong ball through.  Between the skeletal re-arrangement and pulmonary compression, it is a very painful process.  Naus-Garants are fond of saying "The void is filled with fire", which is sort of a euphemism for "life sucks; I don't care".

There is a cure for the Fall: human brains.  Or actually, cerebrospinal fluid.  Enough cerebrospinal fluid can halt or even reverse the gradual decay of their bodies and minds.  Animal brains can slow the process, but a long-term solution requires the sacrifice of sentient creatures.

The prefer to extract cerebrospinal fluid into clear elixirs (for health reasons--humans can be unsanitary), but if a naus-garant is desperate or in pain (if his void is filled with fire) they're not above smashing your head in with a rock and lapping up the juices, even in the middle of combat.

Larger, established naus-garant colonies have even been begun imprisoning humans (or other sentient species) and draining

Naus-garants are not unethical creatures.  Their justifications range from the pleading "would you rather my children go insane and die?" to the apologetic "it is only until we figure out a way to go home" to the defensive "only naus-garants can judge naus-garants".

But many naus-garants are uneasy with this method of survival.  There is evidence that they have spent a considerable amount of time researching an alchemical substitute for human CSF.  And in one recorded instance, a young naus-garant girl was so overcome with guilt that she helped three human prisoners escape.  When the three humans reached society, they described where they had been held captive by the naus-garants, and a small army was dispatched to raze their enclave to the ground and slay every last naus-garant.  Because humans will do what they must to survive, too.

Naus-Garants are masters of alchemy.  Many of their alchemical feats cannot be reproduced by their best human counterparts.  Absolute savants.

They can transform their children into monsters by giving them certain alchemical elixirs.  Since these potions work by shaping and molding the mutation process, they will not work on humans (though they might give you tumors).  Naus-garants are still discovering these elixirs, and different colonies will trade recipes between themselves.  In a world without birth control, turning your newborn into a monster is seen as more humane than killing them or subjecting them to a life of constant homicide.  And it has the additional advantage of giving the colony a new protector.

The most well-known of these teratomorphs is called the Naus-Karkarai, an amphibious creature that resembles a 20' long eel with a toothy horse-head and long, agile legs, like a greyhound's.  It's a stable mutation (i.e. unlikely to suffer secondary mutations, unlike some of their other creations) and it retains enough of its intelligence to acknowledge its name, recognize its family, and join that at the dinner table for important meals.

Naus-Garants worship (obey?) a god (intelligence?) that they call the Red Voice or the Great Engineer, which claims to have arrived on Centerra only a few decades ago.  It is a real thing, since it can apparently speak to anyone who drinks a certain potion, that they call Yesterday's Wine.  Naus-Garants use this to coordinate their actions across the continent.

The Red Voice instructs them to build strange structures in the Gray Waste and in the Frothplains.  None of these are completed, but many believe that they will be some sort of portal upon completion.  The Voice also instructs them to build strange weapons, like daggers that shed a metallic "skin" inside their target, which then shatters into hundreds of glassy shards.  Or the lightning guns.  None of these weapons function in the hands of non-Naus-Garants.

this video contains lightning guns

Very loosely: the Ethrum are based on drow, the Huntresses of Zao are based on orcs, and the Naus-Garants are based on mind-flayers.

Noise Wizards

June 20, 2014, 7:11 am

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Bards are sorta lame.  Yet Noise Marines are awesome.  This is perhaps unfair, but it is true.

I propose that bards are not a class on their own, but merely Thieves that have multiclassed with Some Sort of Undiscovered Wizard, which I will now attempt to elucidate, by inferring from the parts of the bard that are awesome.

The Noise Wizard

Noise wizards are pretty much bards with all of the thiefy stuff stripped away.  I've tried to include cool stuff that noise marines do (orgasm noises) along with the minimum of essential bard spells (song of courage) along with a bunch of other sound-based stuff.

Restrictions
Noise wizards can only cast spells if certain conditions are met.  They must have both hands on their instrument, they must be making noise with their instrument, and noise must also be coming out of their mouth.  If lutes and lyres are the default instrument for bards, I propose that accordions and bagpipes are the default instruments for noise wizards.

This doesn't have to be a literal instrument.  You can bang two mammoth tusks together and shriek like a banshee if that's your thing.  Hell, you can be an organ grinder who sings while your monkey familiar dances.  But once you settled on your chosen instrument, it cannot be changed.  And without your instrument in hand, you cannot cast spells.

Special Abilities
Noise wizards have a couple of extra abilities that more general wizards lack.  Firstly, they can countersong any sound-based or communication-based magic, such as a siren's song or even a command spell.  They do this by readying an action beforehand, and then making a lot of noise to actually drown out whatever it is they are countersonging.  This requires a Con check (to test if their lungs are up to snuff).

Second, they have really good senses of hearing.  Among other things, their chances of listening successfully at a door is double what it would be otherwise.  Might I suggest a 4-in-6 chance?

A Couple New Type of Spells and a New Rule
Noises are a type of spell.  They share common features, like a 20' radius centered on the caster.  They also affect everyone in that radius, even allies (which is potentially hilarious if you're casting brown noise).  However, you get +4 on your save if you've heard it before, which will help your team mates out somewhat.

Songs are a type of spell.  They share common features, like affecting 2x the caster's HD (so a 2 HD caster could affect any combination of enemies that adds up to 4 HD) as long as all of the targets remain in range the whole time.  Additionally, the duration is "concentration" so the spell only lasts for as long as the caster keeping singing that song.  Concentration also ends if the caster gets tackled or takes any damage, so although being able to give a couple of allies +4 to hit indefinitely is a powerful ability, if a goblin throws a rock into your teeth for 1 damage, it all comes crashing down.

So you know how some spells are reversible?  Like, if you know how to prepare light, you also know how to prepare darkness?  I also figure that some spells are upgradable into the next spell level.  Like if you know how to cast magic missile as a level 1 spell, you also know how to prepare an improved version of it as a level 2 spell.  I've been playing around with that idea, and you'll see it implemented in the spell list below.

Spell List
I've chosen to focus on low-level spells, because (a) those are the ones that tend to get used the most, and (b) it's usually easy to think of grander versions of low-level spells.  I know it looks like 29 level 1 spells, but half of them can be upgraded into level 2 spells, so there's plenty of milage down there.

If you want a random spell for a 1st level Noise Wizard, roll a d30 (rerolling if you get a 16).  Bold spells are new, and are detailed below.

1. accompaniment
2. alarm
3. brown noise
4. carry voice
5. charm person
6. comprehend speech
7. dancing lights
8. deafen*
9. forgettable moment
10. gaping noise
11. god ear
12. gossip
13. horrible noise
14. identify
15. impossible noise
16. rapturous noise (2nd Level)
17. sawtooth noise
18. song of captivation
19. song of courage 
20. song of death
21. song of life
22. song of magnificence
23. song of scorn
24. song of silence
25. song of sleep
26. song of sobriety
27. stupid mouth
28. square noise
29. suggest
30. unforgettable moment

Accompaniment
Noise Wizard 1
R: 0
T: self
D: 1 hr
There is an invisible orchestra following you everywhere you go.  They play constantly, loudly, and appropriately.  They play ominous music during ominous moments, sexy music during sex, etc.  Additionally, they will accompany you if you play your instrument, making your performance extra awesome and giving listeners a -1 penalty on any saving throws made to resist your magical music.


Brown Noise
Noise Wizard 1
R: 20'
T: All
D: 0
All who hear this discordant arpeggio must save immediately or shit their pants.  This is accompanied by intestinal distress that prevents them from doing anything on their next turn except move.  Obviously, this only works on targets capable of shitting themselves.  Creatures who have heard the brown noise before get +4 on this save.

If this spell is prepared as a 2nd level spell, affected targets will vomit profusely after shitting themselves, extending the effects for an additional turn.  Optionally, this may also be projected as a 50' cone.


Carry Voice
Noise Wizard 1
R: 200'
T: point in space
D: 1 rnd
Your voice teleports out of your mouth and reappears at a point you designate.  Then, this spell allows you to hear whatever noises are present at that location for 1 round.  (This spell is intentionally written loosely, to allow for ventriloquism distractions, carrying messages, or even listening behind walls.)


Comprehend Speech
Noise Wizard 1
R: 0
T: self
D: 1 hour
This allows you to comprehend any language you hear, and respond verbally.  No effect on written language.  This is not real understanding, just a temporary translator-thing.


Deafen*
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: 1 creature
D: permanent or 1 hr
If the target fails a save, it goes deaf.  This is a curse, not a physical affect.  If this spell is reversed, it has three uses.  First, it can be used to cure magical (cursed) deafness.  Secondly, it can be used to temporarily grant hearing to things that cannot normally hear (such as golems), which incidentally makes them susceptible to sound-based magic for 1 hour.  Thirdly, if it is used on a creature than can already hear, noises will loom large and inescapable in their minds, making them better able to enjoy music, as well as giving them a -2 penalty to save against sound-based magic for 1 hour.  No matter how this spell is used, unwilling targets get a save.


Forgettable Moment
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: 1 creature
D: 0
If the target fails its save, it forgets the last 6 seconds and is totally not suspicious at all.  If you prepare this as a 2nd level spell, the target instead forgets the last minute.


Gaping Noise
Noise Wizard 1
R: 20'
T: everything
D: 0
All containers and portals are opened, as long as those things aren't locked or tightly secured (tied shut with rope counts as tightly secured).  This has no effect on things such as belts, but it does affect pockets, luggage, zippers, doors, windows, and portcullises.  This spell cannot open minds.  If this spell is prepared as a 2nd level spell, it also opens locks (including things like shackles), but has no effect on traps.


God Ear
Noise Wizard 1
R: 0
T: self
D: 1 minute
Your sense of hearing expands to godlike proportions.  You can hear muffins being digested in your belly.  You can hear moss growing on the other side of a stone wall.  It's all very disorienting, which is why you're helpless for the duration.

Beginning with near things and then moving outwards, your DM will describe 3d6 interesting sounds, such as a goblin's dice clattering in the next room, followed by the a derro's mad muttering in the room beyond that.  The effect is barely comprehensible to mortal ears, however, and it is always possible that a sound might be missed in the tumult (and also because sometimes your DM will forget that there is a waterwheel in room 36, so be cool).


Gossip
Noise Wizard 1
R: 0
T: self
D: 1 minute
When you cast this spell, you get a random rumor from the nearest random rumor table, ALWAYS. It doesn't matter where you are.  If you cast it in a tavern, a man will walk up to your table, tell you what he thinks “bree-yark” means, and then walk away confused about the whole affair.  If you cast it in an empty alleyway, the very stones themselves will speak to you about the knight who died in the sewers and had a magic sword, probably.  If you cast it while you are floating in the void, your bellybutton will pipe up about how it heard the the gonads discussing your infertility.  You are then expected to share some gossip back, but not required.


Horrible Noise
Noise Wizard 1
R: 20'
T: all creatures
D: 0
Targets who fail their save will flee in fear for 1d6 rounds.  Creatures who have heard the Horrible Noise before get +4 to their saves.  If this spell is prepared as a 2nd level spell, its effects will last 2d6 rounds, and it can optionally be projected as a 50' cone.


Impossible Noise
Noise Wizard 1
R: 20'
T: all creatures
D: 0
Targets who fail their save will be confused for 1d6 rounds.  Creatures who have heard the Impossible Noise before get +4 to their saves.  If this spell is prepared as a 2nd level spell, its effects will last 2d6 rounds, and it can optionally be projected as a 50' cone.


Rapturous Noise
Noise Wizard 2
R: 20'
T: all creatures
D: 0
Everyone who fails a save is overcome by ecstasy for 1d6 rounds.  While suffering from orgasmic pleasure, creatures cannot take any directly harmful actions, such as attacking with a weapon or casting a disabling spell, nor can they speak anything that isn't complimentary or pleasant.  Affected creatures could still pull a lever or run for help, though, since that is not directly harmful.  Creatures who have heard the Rapturous Noise before get +4 to their save.  If this spell is prepared as a 3rd level spell, its effects will last 2d6 rounds, and it can optionally be projected as a 50' cone.


Sawtooth Noise
Noise Wizard 1
R: 20'
T: all creatures
D: 0
Everyone takes 1d8 slashing damage, save for half.  Creatures who have heard the Sawtooth Noise before get +4 to their save.  If this spell is prepared as a 2rd level spell, it does 2d8 damage, and it can optionally be projected as a 50' cone.

Song of Captivation
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
Creatures that you select will turn their undivided attention to you for 1 round.  If they fail a save, their attention will remain on you for as long as you play, and will not take any actions except to listen quietly.  They get +4 to this save if there is combat or clear hostility in the situation.  This spell does not make them any less alert, it just makes them look in your direction and pay attention to you.  Regardless, the spell is broken as soon as something obviously suspicious or important happens. They will not move from their spots.  If you prepare this spell as a level 2 spell, targets will follow you for as long as you continue playing while remaining in their midst (no running off ahead--you must stay surrounded).


Song of Courage
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
Creatures that you select get +2 to attack rolls and saves vs fear.  If you prepare this spell as a level 2 spell, targets get +4 instead.


Song of Death
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
Creatures that you select take 1 damage per turn, no save.  Undead creatures are instead healed by this song.  If you prepare this spell as a level 2 spell, targets will take 2 damage per turn.


Song of Life
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
Creatures that you select heal 1 damage per turn.  However this spell cannot heal pre-existing wounds, so if you were at half HP when the song started, you will not heal above that.  Additionally, anyone listening to this song is protected against death magic and level drain, and gets +4 to save against such things.  If this spell targets undead creatures, they instead take 1 damage per turn, no save.  If you prepare this spell as a level 2 spell, targets will take 2 damage per turn and get +6 to save against death effects and level drain.


Song of Silence
Noise Wizard 1
R: 10'
T: everything
D: concentration
You play anti-music, generating anti-sound.  This cancels out all sounds within range.


Song of Sleep
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
Targets that fail their save fall asleep.  They wake up when you stop playing within range, or if someone kicks them in the ribs.  If you prepare this spell as a 2nd level spell, targets will continue sleeping for 1d20 minutes after you stop playing.


Song of Scorn
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
Creatures that you select get -2 to attack rolls and saves vs fear.  No save.  If you prepare this spell as a level 2 spell, targets get -4 instead.


Song of Sobriety
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
All emotion- and confusion-based effects are suppressed in the targets.  Unwilling targets get a save.  This is suppression, not cancellation, so as soon as you stop playing the berserker goes back to raging and your allies resume running away from the dragon (unless the duration of those effects has elapsed, of course).


Song of Magnificence
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: targeted creatures, up to 2x caster's HD
D: concentration
You basically sing a song about someone/something, making them sound as impressive as fuck.  Targets who fail their save are basically blown away by how well you hyped this person/thing.  If you use this spell to make a single hero look magnificent, target creatures will treat the magnificent hero as if they had 18 Charisma.  This effect diminishes with however many creatures you want to hype, with 1 fewer Charisma every doubling.  2-3 magnificent heroes = 17 Charisma, 4-7 magnificent heroes = 16 Charisma, etc.  Minimum 12 Charisma.  No fair cutting obvious groups in half for munchkin purposes.  And yes, this spell makes you the best wingman ever.


Stupid Mouth
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: 1 creature
D: 1 min
If the target fails a save, it will be unable to speak except in the worst way possible.  Every phrase will be misspoken, every intent subverted.  They will insult the most important person in the room in an offhand way, speak the most embarrassing secrets (others' and their own), and generally be a colossal ass.  They always have the option of shutting up, however, and most people will indeed shut up as soon as they realize something is wrong with their mouth.  Spellcasters suffering from this spell will have a 50% chance of failing their spellcasting (the action fails, but they don't lose the spell—it's not a fumble).

If this spell is prepared as a 2nd level spell, the target will have no choice but to babble nonstop for the spell's duration, and an affected spellcaster will fail all of their spells.


Square Noise
Noise Wizard 1
R: 20'
T: everything
D: 1 min
Normal glass, crystal, and ceramic will shatter.  Creatures made out of those substances take 1d8 damage, no save.  If this spell is prepared as a 2nd level spell, creatures made out those substances will take 2d8 damage, and the effect can optionally be focused in a 50' cone.


Suggest
Noise Wizard 1
R: 20'
T: creature
D: 1 day
If the target fails a save, it will follow your suggestion.  This only works when you suggest things that  are 'things the creature already wants to do'.  If this spell is prepared as a 2nd level spell, the range of what you can suggest is broadened to include 'things that are reasonable'.


Unforgettable Moment
Noise Wizard 1
R: 50'
T: 1 creature
D: 0
You must cast this spell simultaneously with the target attempting an attack or skill.  If you use this to inspire a skill attempt, the creature gets +6 on it.  If you use it to inspire an attack, the target gets +3 to hit and does +3 damage.  Regardless of whether or not the attempt succeeds, it looks epic as fuck and you will have to write a song about it later.  Write the title of this song down on your character sheet.  This is the sort of thing you sing about in taverns.

Mystical Pokebeast Integration

June 25, 2014, 2:22 am

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≪ Previous: Noise Wizards

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For +Richard Grenville

Okay, you probably don't need a pokemon generator (just roll a d719), but I want to write something anyway.  (Actually, you could probably just roll a d719 and then look up whichever episode featured it.)

This generator has two parts:  The first part generates a pokemon, the second part generates poke-plot surrounding a new area.

let's play Name That Pokemon!

Type:
50% chance that it has a second type.  If so, roll 2x.

1. Normal
2. Fire
3. Fighting
4. Flying
5. Poison
6. Ground
7. Rock
8. Bug
9. Ghost
10. Steel
11. Water
12. Grass
13. Electric
14. Psychic
15. Ice 
16. Dragon
17. Dark 
18. Fairy
19. Slime???
20. Water, again

Body Plan:

Either think of something psuedo-appropriate, pull up a random animal combination from here, or roll a d20 on this table.

1. Feline (or small mammal)
2. Canine (or large mammal)
3. Rodent
4. Song bird
5. Bird of prey
6. Snake
7. Human-shape (think Power Rangers)
8. Child-shape (or maybe just a floating head-thing)
9. Abstract Angular (think porygon)
10. Tentacular
11. Leggy
12. Army
13. Dinosaur
14. Abstract Soft (think solosis)
15. Inanimate Object (manmade)
16. Inanimate Object (natural)
17. Mythological Rip-off
18. Arthropod
19. Reptile
20. Bird

mankey + primeape

Other Trait:

1. Fat
2. Skinny
3. Super Big
4. Super Small
5. Intelligent
6. Mischievous or Malicious or Angry
7. Beautiful
8. They all have a specific personality (roll on an NPC trait table).
9. Huge swarms of them
10. Breaks physics
11. Symbiotic with another pokemon
12. Muscular

Lastly: 

Give your pokemon 2-3 abilities (50% chance of each).  Either roll on a random spell table or use this thing to generate some pokemon moves: http://thousandroads.net/asb/metronome.  Might I recommend 1 spell and 1-2 metronome moves?

In game, pokemon can only ever learn 4 moves, so perhaps it is good to leave some room, hmm?

i can only assume this is a graveler + geodudes

first, ROLL THE NUMBER OF POKEMON IN AN AREA

The coolest part of playing a pokemon game is getting to a new area and finding out what kind of pokemon they have there.  Whenever you get to a new area, there will be one type of pokemon that you totally expect, so if you visit a volcano, of course there's going to be a fire pokemon (with a 50% chance that it has a secondary typing as well).  So in addition to the Expected Pokemon, you gotta roll to see how many other pokemon there are in this area.  These Additional Pokemon will be rolled randomly, on the above table.

1. +1 normal pokemon, +1 legendary pokemon with UBER MOVES AND STATS
2. +1 normal pokemon
3. +1 normal pokemon
4. +2 normal pokemon
5. +2 normal pokemon
6. +3 normal pokemon

So when you're finished, the area will have 2-4 normal, catchable pokemon, and a 1/6 chance that there is a hidden, legendary pokemon that is hiding in a well somewhere and will probably TPK you if you glance in its direction.

your mom

DISCOVERING THE POKE-PLOT

The coolest part of the pokemon anime is that there is always a pokemon related plot afoot whenever you get to a new town, or some sort of mystical beast with IQ 300 pulling a plow or some bullshit.

We need to see what the poke-plot is for this fucking village.

First, we need to roll and see which pokemon is part of the pokeplot.

1. Some travelling trainer is using a pokemon.  Roll a new pokemon, then see table ZORP.
2. Some entrenched poke-institution is using a pokemon.  Roll a new pokemon, then see table QUARF.
3. The Expected Pokemon is being used in a generic way.  See table DEGENERES.
4. The Expected Pokemon is being used in a specific way.  See table SPACKLE.
5. The first Additional Pokemon you rolled is being used in a generic way.  DEGENERES.
6. The first Additional Pokemon you rolled is being used in a specific way.  SPACKLE.

Now just roll on whatever table I just told you roll on.  Don't even read this sentence.

manpac

ZORP - Pokemon Trainer

1. Trainer will not let you enter the area unless you can beat him.  50% chance he is being cruel to his pokemon, independent 50% chance that he'll follow you to the next village.
2. Trainer wants to trade.
3. Your rival is here.  If you don't already have a rival, you will meet your rival in this town.  He's just like you, except better.  (This can be the rival to an individual PC, or if you're feeling ambitious, there can be an entire rival adventuring party.)  The rival will show up, verbally abuse you, and then challenge you in a friendly way.  You probably can't kill him because he's a prince or something.  Make something up.
4. Someone is using pokemon to commit crimes in the area!!??? who could it be?  They're probably just stealing pokemon (ripping spirits out of people's heads?) but they might also be committing some stone-cold murder.
5. Trainer has gone into dangerous area and has not returned.  Friend wants you to go in there and retrieve him.  Dangerous areas with precedents: crystal cavern, burned out building, weird tunnel dug by pokemon, freakishly magnetic mountain, sea cave filled with whirlpools, meteorite-impacted mountain, forest filled with mushrooms and spirits.
6. Something weird.  Roll a d6: 1 - trainer is possessed by his ghost pokemon, 2 - trainer is fleeing with a stolen pokemon, 3 - trainer must go to great lengths to save his pokemon's life, 4 - pokepoliceman is pursing a criminal, 4 - trainer from a distant land is wreaking havoc with his cultural ignorance, 5 - trainer has died in suspicious, public circumstances, 6 - trainer is researching something that should not be researched

jigglypuff?  is that you?

QUARF - Pokemon Institution

1. Gym Leader will give you a boon if you overcome the trials inside and then best the leader.  Pokemon gyms have gotten weirder in the last few games, and usually involve some sort of puzzle, and always involve some combat.  Giant spiderwebs, lightless mazes, moving dragon statues, etc.  In a more primitive game, you probably want something more topical.  Tea plantation maze full of plant monsters?  Sunken, waterproof ship accessed via tunnel?  Gym leaders always give you three thing.  (1) enhance some stat of all of your pokemon by some tiny, ultimately trivial amount, (2) give you a badge, so that higher level pokemon will obey you, (3) and give you a TM, so you can teach a new move to one of your pokemon.  Honestly, the only thing worth getting excited about is the TM.  In an OSR game, a TM could be replaced with the gym leader teaching you kung-fu, how to walk through walls, or grow a prehensile tongue.  Alternatively, you could just add an ability to one of your pokemon, but whatever.
2. Museum of pokemon, 50% they have the ability to resurrect pokemon from fossils.  (Depending on the ruleset, you may want to extend this into sort of a pokemon-temple, where pokemon can be resurrected).
3. some sort of non-violent pokemon competition.  dancing contests, beauty contests, eating contests.
4. Pokemon breeding / daycare.  Either way, pokesex.  Can be a literal day care run by two old people who have NO IDEA WHAT SEX IS or some sort of mystical ley-crossroads where chimeras mix their bloodlines.
5. Shopping hub that specializes in pokemon stuff.  50% chance that there is a huge gambling den adjunct.
6. Something weird.  Roll a d6: 1 - villagers are pokemon in disguise, 2 - pokemon training academy with a 50% chance that it's some sort of trap, 3 - secret castle/ship where bourgeois trainer-nobles do battle with gold-encrusted pokemon,  4 - haunted pokemon cemetery, 5 - pokemon storage system that can send and retrieve pokemon from around the world via technology, so I guess he can store extra pokemon for you if you catch more than your limit, and establish some method of switching pokemon around, 6 - insane professor gives pokemon to children and tasks them to travel the world documenting pokemon, no reason why he shouldn't give PCs the same opportunity.

holy shit cofagrigus

DEGENERES - Generic pokemon

1. oh noes a bunch of these pokemon are attacking the town!  Surely there's something that's causing this.  Surely you don't have to kill all of them.
2. oh noes all of these pokemon are interfering with daily living in a humorous way.  what could be causing this?
3. oh noes all of these pokemon have been taken over by their biologies and won't stop mating/migrating/stampeding/burrowing/sporulating
4. the pokemon are weaponizing, or at least forming into a warband around a charismatic leader
5. the pokemon are all dying OR are getting trapped somehow.
6. oh noes all of these pokemon are being killed/captured by a single person/group with ignoble intentions
7. weird pokemon interaction: d3: 1 - pokemon have adopted a human as one of their own, 2 - are returning from myth and upsetting the natural balance, 3 - have been artificially created
8. another weird pokemon interaction: d4: 1 - are invading people's homes with strange intent, 2 - are building/chipping away at a certain structure, 3 - have completely destroyed the natives/invaders and then just-as-suddenly returned to their peaceful ways, 4 - are only present as fossils

SPACKLE - Specific plot

1. pokemon are being exploited en masse as weapons.  This has to do with their Type.
2. pokemon are being exploited en masse as non-violent tools.  This has to do with their Type.
3. pokemon are being exploited en masse as spiritual guidance.  This has to do with their Type.
4. pokemon's Type has greatly impacted a Certain Human Activity in the area for the worse/weirder.
5. people have bonded so closely with their pokemon that they have begun to take on their Type, or at least have started living in imitation of Their Favorite Pokemon.
6. Pokemon is not actually available (possibly gone extinct), but has permanently changed the area, based on their Type

it's zubro!

EXAMPLE

So the PCs walk into a seaside village.  This place obviously has a water pokemon in it (the expected pokemon).  I'll roll on the Number of Pokemon Species in an Area table, and get +2 pokemon, for a total of 3 in the area.

Let's discover the first, water pokemon.  First I roll to see if it is mono-water Type or Water/something type.  (50% chance of each).  It's bi-typed, and the second type is Flying.  Water/Flying then.  I roll on the random animal mixer and get smelt-goose on my second click.  But that's stupid, so I decide to make it a very literal goose barnacle, that clings to side of ships, but turns into an attack goose when it's molested.  Great.

Then I roll for how many moves it's got.  2 moves.

Sleep spell - probably via yawning.

Pluck attack - similar to Peck, except it also eats any food the opponent has

I'll call it it CYGNACLE (water/flying type).

Roll up two more pokemon the same way.

HELICAN - Flying Type

hated pelican-demons that eat away bad children

people that try to stop them will be shat upon, while the bird flies away laughing

Protection from Good spell: this is obviously an evil fucking bird

Cotton Spore attack: it probably shits on you, working as either an web spell or making you automatically lose initiative

Rock Slide attack: probably just barfs rocks on you, or fish bones or children bones

GARGARFU - Dragon Type

look like chinese foo dogs crossed with chameleons

act like foo dogs crossed with chameleons crossed with wolverines

Blend spell - It has chameleon skin, so it can melt into the jungle

Thunder Fang attack - it's a bite that does +1d6 electrical damage, maybe

Psych Up attack - honestly, this is probably just barbarian rage

it's munna!

That wasn't so bad.  Now to roll up a plot.

4  + 6 = The Expected pokemon is not actually present, but it has permanently changed the area based on its type so, this sounds like there isn't a direct plot hook, but maybe something like:

All of the Cygnacles have been killed off as pests.  Vast graveyards of Cygnacle shells litter the bottoms of harbors and decorate tavern walls.  Because of this, the natural enemies of Cygnacles, Helicans, have proliferated, and the town is now covered with Helican shit.  It regularly rains fish bones and Helican bile.  At dusk, the Helicans call to each other as they circle overhead, but it mostly sounds like cruel chuckling.  A paladin has showed up, but has been at a loss for how to combat the birds (which sleep on the waves over the reefs).  A woman has begun trying to breed Cygnacles back into the ecosystem, but faces two obstacles from both (a) certain townspeople which continue to view the Cygnacles as pests (and will continue to do so, until they see an demonstration of how good Cygnacles can be at killing Helicans), and (b) the Helicans themselves, which will attempt to stop the woman from releasing the baby Cygnacles into the surf, because the Helicans are assholes.

i WISH this was a pokemon

Golems in Centerra

June 25, 2014, 11:46 pm

≫ Next: A Ruleset of My Very Own

≪ Previous: Mystical Pokebeast Integration

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look reeeaaaally closely at this picture

Golems are not made by wizards, but by powerful members of the clergy.  Unlike most divine magic, which seems mostly to be a function of faith and intent, golems (and runes) depend on years of study and intelligent application.

Closely related to divine runes, the process of enactuation (making a golem) is a complex process that depends on the logical arrangement and interaction of words, especially word squares, but also involving ambigrams, word ladders, and anagrams.  Clerical golem-smiths must take a lot of astrology and numerology into account as well, so it's not as simple a matter as copying one word square from one golem to another.

Since every golem is different (time, material, auspices), each golem's glyph-square is unique, since it must account for different mathematical influences.  Each glyph-square includes one of the secret names of God, as well as appropriate words, like "LIFE" or "TOIL".  If even a single letter of the glpyh-square is erased or damaged, the golem becomes de-animates, reverting to a hunk of material.  It's also possible to subvert a square-glyph by changing some of the letters (with the most common result being an insane golem that only destroys stuff).

Each glyph-square is somewhere on the golem's body.  Traditionally on the forehead, but this makes it visible and vulnerable.  Sometimes they are put inside the mouth, behind a (worn) cloth belt or scarf, the palm of a hand, or on the underside of a foot.

The process of manufacturing a golem takes years (or months, with a large team of experts)

True necromancy is a type of magic that involves arcane manipulations of life and death.  The creation of undead is closer to the creation of a golem, and involves carving glyphs into the corpse.  Practical necromancers will study both arts.

Nearly all golems made today are made by the Church, and it's actually considered blasphemous for anyone else to construct one.  Most wizards wouldn't know where to begin (except necromancers, because reanimation is much easier than de novo animation).  There are still plenty of old golems mouldering away in tombs, however, many of which predate the Church's knowledge and sometimes all of known history, as well.  In the pagan territories, some golem-making traditions continue, such as the clay serpents in Basharna, the undead mammoths in the South, golem-boats called Zuddha in Westerlon, velveteens* from the Armenjero Empire, and grassies in Abasinia.

*Velveteens are plush animal golems that are "programmed" to play with children.  Each one is worth a fortune, even if it is covered in blood (since nobles pay so much for them, people are willing to kill for them).  Despite the name, the Armenjero Empire is a tiny city-state with no authority beyond a few square miles and an entire economy based on gambling and entertainment.  It was won from the magocracy of Meltheria as the result of a bet, and is protected by the same.  (Although the magocracy technically follows the Church, the clergy have little power there).

Golemlords

Certain paladins allow themselves to be entombed inside of a golem.  This grants them longevity and the strength (and weaknesses) of a golem, but at the expense of their own humanity.  Large contigents of paladins are usually accompanied by a golemlord, striding along in an 9' tall body of armored alabaster.

The process involves welding, molten ceramics, and a fair bit of necromancy.  (Necromany isn't a sin when the church doesn't.  Or, more fairly, heremancy is the subset of magic that is considered sinful, which has a large-but-incomplete overlap with necromancy).

Golem Knights

The Church in Asria is weirder and slightly more secular (or at least, less dogmatic and more practical).  Similarly, they have given up the practice of creating golemlords in favor of a more reversible solution.

Golem knights are knights who have had their heads detached and attached to a golem.  This is similar to the golemlords, except that the practice is (a) modular, and the golem knights can switch their heads around onto different bodies, (b) reversible, and their head can be returned safely to their original body (as long as the body is undamaged and they never, ever remove their holy scarves), and (c) potentially more unstable.

By instability, I mean that golem knights have a tendency to go insane.  This risk is mitigated by using younger knights.  Because the body will no longer grow nor age as soon as it is put into stasis, the Church is Asria tends to recruit from volunteers in their late teens.  

So if you are ever in Coramont, and see a head being carried around in a "birdcage" by chanting monks, do not be alarmed.

If you ever see a man with a blue scarf, who has an old man's face but hands as smooth as a teenagers, think nothing of it.

And since the Church in Asria doesn't hold the anthroform body in the same regard as, do not be alarmed if some of the Golem Knights have ten legs, wheels, or ballistas for arms.

Psychology

There is some evidence to suggest that golems, even those carved out of common street-mud, are both sentient and highly intelligent.  The fact that golems lack organs for speech, coupled with the fact that they have severe restrictions put on both their actions and their thoughts prevents them from communicating with us.

It's analogous to a human who has been bound under powerful enchantments to spend all of their waking hours sweeping the paths around the monastery, and to take no other action, nor to even respond to any stimulus except those relevant to sweeping paths.

A golem can be highly intelligent, but never evince that intelligence because of how singular their task is defined.  (And every golem is defined with a task.  A golem without a task is an inanimate object.)

Golem psychologists ply their art through the use of the read minds spell.  Although golems never have any "surface thoughts", it has been reported that their subconscious is teeming with a rich inner life, as subtle and diverse as any humans.  Many of them are muddled, confused, or depressed, even though they have no way of communicating that, or even the ability to articulate those emotions into coherent thoughts.

Small wonder then, that golems usually go berserk when their enchantments fail.  Small wonder, that necromancers sometimes wake to see their "mindless" zombies gathered around their bed, staring at them with hate-filled faces.

Laypersons and wizards are fond of claiming that there has never been a sentient golem, when the truth might just be that we've never had a sentient golem capable of behaving differently from a non-sentient one.

Although the serylites would disagree.

Further Reading:

I, Robot by Isaac Asimov

A Twentieth-Century Homunculus by David H. Keller

A Ruleset of My Very Own

June 26, 2014, 8:20 am

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(God, it's so banal.  The idea that you have such good houserules and mechanics ideas that you should codify them into a ruleset or a retroclone.  Vanity project slash fantasy heartbreaker slash no one is ever going to use this.)

(I just wanted to get that off my chest before I typed anything else.)

So here are my ideas for my very own ruleset.  I have typed up some design goals.  I want my ruleset to be:

Compatible. There are a lot of excellent modules out there, from TSR to OSR.  I want to be able to use those without any conversion.  It should also be modular enough that other people's houserules/retroclones can be applied with minimal/no tweaking.

Self-limiting. I want diminishing returns in all things. Other editions have had HP, attack bonuses, and damage that could scale indefinitely.  I want diminishing returns (and I even wrote an article about it).  HP should start to taper off early.  Then skill increases should begin to taper off.  Then attacks.  I want this because I want level 1 characters to stand beside level 9 characters and still be able to contribute, and I want level 8 characters to still fear 1 HD goblins.

Minimal. Whenever possible, consolidate 2 rolls into 1 roll. Whenever possible, adjudicate 1 roll into no rolls at all.  Complicated tables can often be simplified into progressions, which can often be simplified into formulas.  Spend less time fiddling with modifiers and rules, so that more time can be spent playing.

Simple. Rules should be easy to learn and use.  Steep learning curves are one of the biggest challenges facing tabletop RPGs, since they are such a huge barrier for potential players.  A simple game is easier it becomes to introduce it to new players and/or suggest it on family board game night (and even simple rules can offer tactical complexity and meaningful choices).  The game can only happen once the rules get out of the way.  And I say that as a person who fucking loves thinking about mechanics.

I typed up a character sheet.

Take a look at it, so I can start walking you through the ways it's different from B/X D&D.  I'll go right down the list.

Level is pretty much as you know it.  It is divorced from HD, though.  Level 1 characters have 1d6 HD.  Level 2 = 2 HD.  Level 3 = 3 HD.  But after that, you only get +1 hp per level.  Level 4 = HD 3+1, etc.

HP is rerolled every level, and discarded if it is lower than current HP.  You might not think this makes much of a difference, but it gives some beautiful average curves.

With the right ability score to ability modifier table AND capping the HD at 3, there's a very nice moment at level three where you can stop saying "add your Con bonus to every HD" and start saying "every point of Con higher than 10 adds to your HP, every point of Con below 10 subtracts from it" and it is exactly the same thing.  It just seems more granular, you know?  Every point of Con matters more, not just the ability bonus break points.  Every point of Con corresponds to +1 HP.  (This doesn't work if you use 3d6 for ability scores, only 4d4.  Weird, huh?)

Templates revolve around the idea that races and classes are just templates that are applied to the Basic Adventurer.  You can't be a Basic Adventurer (unless you're doing some level 0 bullshit), but it's what everyone is built from.  The Basic Adventurer gets 1d6 HP per HD, a +1 increase to attack every 2 levels (up to +4), and a save that increases by 1 point every level up to a maximum, similar to S&W.  And then templates just build off of that, by adding or subtracting stuff.

You get 2 templates at level 1, up to a maximum of 4 templates at level 3, at which point your PC is considered "full grown" and "totally badass".  Templates are measured as 25, 50, etc, which you can think of as percents.  If you see "Fighter 100", it means that the character is 100% fighter (and is at least level 3).  A 1st level fighter will read "Fighter 50".

I figure this choose-4-templates-as-you-level up thing will (a) give players a chance to "multiclass" from level one (if they want to be a Fighter 25 / Cleric 25), (b) make multiclassing (and monoclassing) dirt simple, and (c) some character concepts are easily expressed via multiclassing, so you could make a Thief 50 / Magic-User 50 and call it a Bard, and give it an appropriate spell-list.  Easy.

AC is ascending, has a base of 10 and a soft (non-magical) cap at 18, like god intended.

Injuries are cool.  Instead of dying at 0 HP, I just roll on the Big Table of Fun Ways To Probably Not Die (using subzero damage as a modifier) to see if you lose a hand or begin bleeding out.  Also on this table: instant death.

Save is also ascending and uses a roll-under mechanic, like making a stat check.  It's calculated from 5+level+Charisma bonus, because I figure Charisma also a measure of how much heroic chutzpah you have, and how much destiny wants to keep you alive.  But more on this later.

Ability Scores are rolled using 4d4.  Compared to 3d6, the average is 0.5 lower, and the spread is a bit narrower.  I think this is a good thing, because I intend to use a lot of roll-under ability checks, and an average success rate of 50% is marvelous, and important enough that I don't want to see any characters with 17s or 18s at level 1 (since 85% and 90% success rates seem excessive, don't they?).

I also think that ability checks should be used more, and saves a bit less, perhaps.  Use Con checks for drinking contests, use Int for seeing through illusions, those sorts of things.  Save the saves for important things, life-or-death-or-dragonbreath things.

Movement is something you've already seen.  It's based on race.  Humans have a Movement of 12+Dex, which is pretty analogous to the 12' you've seen listed as the base speed elsewhere.

Initiative is equal to your Wisdom score.  Whenever you are in combat and try to do something before a bad guy, try to roll under your Initiative.  Can you cast a spell before the orc gives you the chop?  Can you jump off the boat before the kraken grabs you?  I am using Wisdom instead of Dexterity because (a) I think Dexterity is an overloaded stat, and (b) acting before your opponent in a fight isn't necessarily about how fast you can swing your arm, but rather how fast you can think, react, anticipate, predict.  And that's the advantage the fighter with high Wisdom has.

Stealth is equal to half of your Dexterity score.  You try to roll-under it whenever you want to sneak up on someone.  I like this because I think that people will be more tempted to try sneaking around if they have it written on their sheet, instead of it being the expected purview of the Thief.

EVERYTHING USES ROLL-UNDER (except attack rolls and opposed stat checks, probably)

Saves, ability checks, movement, initiative, stealth, even AC can be used as a roll-under check.  Bonuses can be applied universally (Oh, you're cursed?  That's a -4 to all of your roll-under checks for today).  

You're probably already familiar with using ability checks to figure out if the PC can do some basic action.  But have you ever tried using these phrases when you're DMing?

"Roll under your Movement to see if you can get through the porticullis in time."

"So you're firing your arrow?  Roll under your Initiative to see if you can fire an arrow in the charging orcs eye before he reaches you."

"The great rosebeast opens it's bloom and sprays a cone of thorns at you.  Roll under your AC to see if you are hit."

(If you are raising your eyebrow at this last one, consider that asking someone to roll-under-or-equal to their AC to avoid an attack has the exact same odds as an anemic goblin attacking them with a -1 to his d20 roll.  If you say "roll under your AC with a -4 penalty", that's the exact same thing as a giant badger attacking with a +3 bonus.  Just think about the pros and cons and exoticism of this for a minute, okay?)

And the other great thing about using a lot of roll-under mechanics is that players can immediately look at their character sheet and calculate their odds of success.  If they see Stealth 9, then they know that they have a 45% chance to sneak up on the bastard.  Save 12 = 60% chance of success.

Compare to that +3 on your attack roll versus an AC of 15, what are the odds there?

Need to roll a 12 to hit, so that's 7-8-9 numbers on the die that will hit, so that. . . 45% chance of success.

Using roll-unders lets players see at a glance their odds, which helps them evaluate the situation and better informed decisions.

Inventory is measured in Inventory Slots.  You have a number of Inventory Slots equal to your Strength score, and a single Inventory Slot can hold something like a sword or three days rations.  You can exceed your Inventory Slots, but every item in excess gives you -1 to Movement. The number of items that you can immediately access is limited by half of your Dexterity score.  I wrote a whole post about this here.

There are a few caveats, like armor takes up a number of slots equal to its AC bonus.  So a wizard with 6 Str technically can put on that full plate (+6 AC), but anything beyond that (even a spellbook) is going to begin slowing him down tremendously.

Skills are measured in Skill Slots.  You have a number of Skill Slots equal to your Intelligence score.  Skill slots can hold more than just skills.  They can also hold the bonus languages you know, any weird techniques you've learned in strange places (like Kung Fu), or spells outside of your school (if you are a wizard).  Wizards who have 17 Int can pick up plenty of damn skills, languages, and exotic spells, but the barbarian with 5 Int will have to be a lot more choosy.  Does the barbarian want to learn how to speak Orcish, how to sail a ship, or how to throw his axe 100' with melee-level accuracy?

There is a strict philosophy of "Skills should not be useful in combat.  Use ability checks for that." I don't want people choosing skills based on what they think will be most useful.  Climbing walls, stabilizing a dying comrade, sneaking up on a hill giant, etc, should all be ability score (or Stealth) checks.  Skills are by definition things that aren't directly combat-useful, so, because of their diminished importance, players will (hopefully) be encouraged to take skills like Dancing and Carpentry.  (Getting two random skills at level 1 will also help this, I hope.)

There is no skill list (although I still bet "Pick Lock" and "Forest Survival" will be popular choices).  There are no social skills.  Use roleplaying and Charisma checks for those.  (You don't have to talk in a funny voice, just tell the DM what sort of things you say to the dragon.)  It's trivially easy to pick up a new skill at Rank 1, just attempt it 3 times over the course of an adventure and then write it down when you get back to town/finish the adventure.

Skills are rated on a d20-roll-under system, like nearly everything else.  Marvelous.  It's actually a refined version of what I wrote down here.

This will be controversial: skills are not tied to level.  Skills are limited by level, in the sense that you cannot raise any skills to the maximum level until you are at least level 6.  Instead, you raise skills by using them at least three times, then you have a chance to improve them during downtime (similar to how BRP does skills).  The chance is diminishing, so you will have to be very lucky to max out a skill, even at level 6.  You might not be able to max it out until level 12 or something.  Maybe you'll max out Dancing before you max out Surgery.  Ha, just like real life.

And because there's no limit to how many skills you can test (and raise) per level, there is an incentive to use all of your skills all of the time.  I know you grognards are used to finding ways to extract a tactical advantage from commonplace things (like buckets of lard), but I think this sort of thing will really help neophytes pick up the "use fucking everything on your character sheet to eke out an advantage" philosophy.

MP is used to prepare spells, then the actual casting of the spell is "free".  It's pretty much the same thing that I wrote down here.  It's still Vancian magic (and is virtually indistinguishable for the first few levels), but it has the advantage of being (a) more flexible, and (b) way easier to teach to newbies, probably.

I also want to stop the whole quadratic wizard thing by tying spell effects to "what level you prepare this spell at" instead of "what level wizard are you".  If you want to cast a bigger fireball, prepare it as a level 4 spell instead.

This is probably the part of my kludge that is least compatible with OSR retroclone D&D.  I will meditate on it.

FP is Faith Points, and its what clerics use instead of MP.  I intend to differentiate it in a few different ways, like (a) clerics get more FP than wizards get MP, (b) prayers are less reliable than spells, since they might be ignored, and (c) you cast from a list of known miracles, instead of having to prepare spells ahead of time.

Other weird shit that I might include: I have no problem with wizards wearing armor (since armor has a bunch of drawbacks anyway, and fuck your tropes, because players will probably dress their wizard in robes anyway), people in platemail should automatically sink if they fall in water, wizards should all be forced to choose a sub-school like Necromancer, Illusionist, Elementalist, etc.  Similarly, clerics should have to choose a god.  And those choices should matter, gul-blangit!

Necromancers should have to spend a skill slot if they want to learn spells from the school of illusion.  Clerics of the water god should have a reduced chance of success if they pray for a flamestrike.

Anyway, aside from those small blasphemies, it's pretty much the same D&D you know and love.

Here's a sample of a finished character sheet, for a level 1 dwarven fighter.

I am now open for comments.

Three and a Half Extradimensional Adventurers

June 26, 2014, 11:30 pm

≫ Next: Projectors, a Player Race for Synthexia

≪ Previous: A Ruleset of My Very Own

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These are all humanoids.  Or at least, they have have two legs, two arms, and a head in the usual place, unless otherwise noted.

red lotus not even once

Krulhir the Sublimator

He is nine feet tall, six feet wide.  Skin is thick and puckered, like an abused lemon.  Not so much corpulent as he is full.  Arms and legs have atrophied, and resemble stretched out baby-arms poking from his body.  Talks in a falsetto.  Starmetal skullcap is bolted over his eyes, with a pinhole in the center that is actually a portal to black space near canopus.  Negative pressure--air is constantly being sucked into his head, a quiet but shrill whistling sound. 

From his bolted-on helmet hang a bunch of black twine (or at least it looks like twine).  This twine is woven into a net that supports his body.  It keeps him pear-shaped.  Can you picture a 100-gallon water balloon wrapped up snug in a fishing net?  It's like that.

Krulhir is a wizard, sort of.  Where he comes from, he is not considered a wizard, merely a dabbler, but he has a powerful tolerance for gravity and dense atmospheres.  He sweats ammonia.  He is looking for a unicorn to bring back with him.  He is actually very humble, naive, and fearful.  He's like a 7 HD wizard, worst possible AC, with a hover speed equal to a walk.  If he is injured, his mercurial ioun stones will accelerate to fantastic speeds, orbiting body like bullets.  He bleeds milky water from which will sprout pale cilia that will thrash for a day and then die out.  In addition to the stuff in the next paragraph, he knows the spells animate teeth, infectious starlight, reverse object's gravity (permanent), and ultra-magnetokinesis.

From the solar pinhole in his forhead, he can shoot fireballs.  Except they don't look like fireballs.  They don't look like anything at all.  They don't even make any noise, just things start to blacken, evaporate.  It's pyrolysis--slow combustion in the absence of oxygen--but it functions like a fireball spell.  No flame, nor ashes.  Charcoal.  There is also a silence effect in there, too, so there is no noise.  Stealth explosions.  If you watch a bunch of peasants get hit by it, you'll see them be swallowed up by a superheated-but-gently-wafting cloud of steam, which will reveal charcoal mummies frozen in various poses of disbelief.

He is travelling with a quartet of bald, blue-skinned, elephant-nosed space orcs who intend to kill and rob him as soon as possible.

honey, did you remember to feed the dog? we have a dog?

Malala Kurema Kazhonn (emphasis on the second syllable of each word)

Seven feet tall, looks like an albino python out of the corner of your eye.  Then you get a better look at her, and realize that she actually is human.  Or at least she looks human.  Her eyes are pink pearls, and she moves like a bag full of snakes.

Because that's what she is.  Malala Kurema Kazhonn is a member of a moon-dwelling species of necroparasitic metacnidarians (relative to the freshwater, microscopic hydras).  She has spend her whole life worshipping humans (which are rare on the moon) and ensuring that the humans (sacred pets of the temple) are protected against those who would injure them.

When one of the sacred human-pets died, she was given the great honor of being allowed to inhabit its body.  She lost 880 lbs in 24 hours in order to fit into the dead human's body.  It was a painful process, and she had never been so honored.  Now that she has left her polyp life stage and entered her medusa stage, she has finally become an adult.

She's here to obtain some fresh breeding stock for the holy temple-humans in her lunar enclave.  When she first encountered humans "in the wild", she was at first shocked, then disgusted, then resigned.  These planetary humans are unhealthy, uneducated, cruel, boorish, and filthy.  Still, it's her duty to capture a few of the less offensive specimens.  Paladins are good.  So are scholars and nobles.  She's captured six suitable specimens so far (which she keeps inside a specialized bag of holding, which looks a bit like a fanny pack) and has been able to bargain for another dozen sperm samples from suitable males (paying for them with uncut rubies).

She is accompanied by a pack of loyal displacer beasts, and rides atop a giant jellyfish.  She wears a breastplate filled with stinging cnidocysts.  On her belt she has an infinitely sharp dagger, which can cut anything, even space.  (Cutting space is a bit like hanging a mono-molecular wire in the air.  You know immovable rods?  It's like that, except really, really sharp.)  But that's just a novelty, really.

Her real weapon is an amberglass electro-scimitar-whip that she stores in her dead human's throat.  In combat, it looks like the woman is wielding it with her tongue, but really that is just Malala's tentacle (part of her real body) waving it around.  It's a long tentacle, and the electro-scimitar-whip also has a lot of reach, so she'd prefer to go quadrupedal, scuttle up on to the ceiling, and lash out with the electro-scimitar-whip (20' reach, all in all).  She has 6 HD, breastplate AC, and would rather bargain than fight to the death.  She views her mission as noble, good, and sacred, but she's no fool.

If her human body is killed, her real body will spill out and begin screaming as she exsanguinates in our harsh atmosphere.  She will attempt to take over another human body, but this is a feeble attempt that will only succeed if there is an unconscious or recently dead human nearby, and no-one molests her for a full five minutes, since she is so fragile in our atmosphere (-4 to hit, unarmored AC, 3 HD, can only crawl).

Fond of spouting incomprehensible alien parables (The Tale of the Man Raised by Jale Beans, The Priest Who Was Three Babies, The Man Inside the Man Inside the Sun, etc) in an attempt to educate the boorish races around her and make the more moral.  Has excellent maps of the world, seven hundred years out of date.  Has absolutely zero regard for children and babies, since personhood is intrinsically linked to sexual maturity.  

Has a paladin's morality, but it is an alien paladin.  Thinks that she is doing a good thing by kidnapping humans, and in a way, she's totally right about that, since the humans on the moon are treated like rich people's favorite dogs.  Good food, lots of sex with lisping moon beauties, great medical care.  The moon-priests will try to avoid the claustrophobia, but the oxygenated crust-cysts are only so big.

whatever.  you get the idea fuck you for judging me

Vladimir and Estragon

Vladimir (or Estragon) looks like a perfectly normal naked man who is wearing a crown of fetuses.  A closer look reveals that the fetuses' skulls are conjoined with his.  Conjugated hextuplets?  That happens, right?  In truth, this is exactly what he is.  Or at least, he's was one member of conjugated hextuplets when he was born, but he's gone on to become so much more than that.

Vladimir (or Estragon) is a friendly man, although hairless and a bit too pink.  Only one of the fetuses is awake.  The other four fetuses (Nibellen, Walpurgio, Sothric, Thulotes) appear to be deeply asleep.  The six brothers are a bit like six people that share a body.  If Vladimir is the full-size human, he can squeeze his mass into Estragon (the other awake brother).  Vladimir will shrivel away into a tiny fetus, while Estragon will swell up into a full-size human.  Since they are naked twins, the only difference is which side of their head the awakened fetus is.

They are pleasant enough.  They'll chat amiably and share news as long as they aren't approached with any hostility.  If asked, they'll share that they're waiting for someone.  They're waiting for God.  Polytheism?  No, there is only one God.  He is a good and kind God.  He told them to wait here personally, but they don't remember how long ago, or how much longer until he arrives, exactly.  They don't mind.  Nothing wrong with waiting.  They're quite good at waiting.

It'll be nice when God gets here, though.  The whole world will merge with him, and everyone will be happy.  No more sadness, no more war.  No more beaten dogs.  Just bliss, just unity.  It'll only take a second, and then poof--everyone will understand everything and be happy forever.  Ecstasy.  And because we'll all know everything that everyone else knows, it's like we'll all be one person.  Vladimir and Estragon know something about being one person.  It's quite nice.  Never lonely.  You always have a sympathetic ear, right Estragon?  Right.

Oh yes, there will be so much rejoiced when God arrives to devour the sun and everything else.

THE CATCH is that Vladimir and Estragon are sitting somewhere awkward.  The PCs need to use the summoning circle that Vladimir and Estragon are sitting in.  Or they need to retrieve that throne.  Or they're sitting on part of the inscription that needs to be translated.

Under no circumstances will Vladimir, Estragon, or their brothers budge from the spot.  God ordered them to stay here.

Their special ability is theft.  Attack them with a sword and suddenly the sword is in their hands.  And suddenly your armor is gone, too.  The hextuplets are wearing it.  They cast a spell, and the party mage forgets it.  They drink a potion and suddenly it is gone from their inventory.  How strong are they?  How strong is the strongest person in your party?  

If they feel sincerely threatened, they'll also drain party members, usually starting with the strongest ones.  People who get drained will shrivel into fetus-things, only 1' tall, with a 3 in all of their physical stats.  And another of the hextuplets will inflate into a full grown person, until there's just a cartwheel of six full-sized men, joined at the head, spinning like a ferris wheel made from stolen weapons, laughing and apologizing and praying and chatting.

Honestly the best tactic would be to take off all of your equipment and charge him en mass while naked and without any spells memorized, then just headbutt him into submission.  Of course, the PCs might be dead before they realize this.

Okay, he wasn't really an adventurer.  I guess I owe you guys another one.

Lady Molassah, a.k.a. the Stain

Molassah is a woman who is also a sentient tattoo.  She is also an assassin.  She looks like something that a sailor would get tattooed in a seedy tattoo parlor, and in fact, that's exactly where she was born. 

Here's how it works: Lady Molassah is trapped on the skin of whoever she's on.  It's a bit like being marooned a smelly, hairy island (she's fond of that analogy).  But whenever that person has sex, she's able to cross over at the point of penetration.  It's like a temporary isthmus between two islands.

She can slide around quite quickly on skin, and disguise herself as any kind of lady she chooses.  She can hide in an armpit, or take a hostage by standing atop a jugular.  

Every morning, Lady Molassah makes an opposed Charisma check with her "island".  She has 18 Charisma and is a level 9 Thief.  If she wins, she gets control of the body for the day.

Did I mention that she's an assassin?  She's usually going somewhere to kill someone, in exchange for a fat wad of cash.

The PCs will meet her after one of the PCs has sex.  She'll just show up on their bodies the next morning, trying to take control of their minds so she can hope on a ship to Meltheria (or wheverever her contract takes her).  She might pose as an innocuous tramp stamp, so it might take the PCs some time to discover why one of their members has suddenly turned into an NPC and run away.

She's impatient, but she's not unreasonable.  She doesn't like unnecessary violence (but necessary violence is another story).  If she is discovered and threatened, she may try to hide (on an inner thigh or something) or take her island hostage (by sitting on a jugular and refusing to budge).  Or she might negotiate, offering to help the party in exchange for them helping her.  Or she might just demand that the tattooed PC sleep with a sailor immediately so that they can both be rid of each other.

Okay, she's not really extradimensional, but fuck it.

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Projectors, a Player Race for Synthexia

June 28, 2014, 2:25 am

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Projectors

A female projector is called a projectrix.  Their heads are black prisms.  They cannot speak, but they can communicate by playing back video recordings and audio clips, picked up from echoes of ancient Earthling video waves.  Each projector tends to develop a preference for a particular type of media.  One might communicate mostly through songs by the Cramps; another might prefer late-night infomercials.  Either way, it can be a disturbing thing to hear when they're disemboweling you with a laser-axe.

The most famous projector in Synthexia is Prismax the Unblinking, a powerful wizard who lives in an artificial mountain made of mirrors.  Since he is, technically, one of those "evil wizards" everyone keeps talking about, he's a pretty polarizing figure in projector society.

Projectors are born when gravity-quakes occur within the Infinite Mountain.  As everyone knows, gravity-quakes cause huge chunks of the Infinite Mountain to calve off and break apart, sometimes revealing newborn projectors.  And then the Infinite Mountain grows, bursting at the seams to thrust more black crystals into the air, now taller than it was before.  That's why they call it infinite mountain.

Some projectors live near the Infinite Mountain.  They are called "uncut" by their more urbane peers, and regarded as country bumpkins.  They are genderless.

Some projectors go to the cities, where they invariably seek out a sculptor to carve their body into an aesthetically pleasing likeless.  Some want to be seen as males, and so will pay to be carved into hypermasculine herculoids.  Others wish to be seen as female, and so will chisel themselves into hourglass figures.  Because of this, they hold sculptors in high regard, and some sculptors make a living by carving uncut projectors and projectrices.

Getting oneself carved is quite expensive, and many projectors adventure to raise money for this exact purpose.

• +1 Con, -1 Wisdom
• Cannot speak.  However, the player can bring a laptop to the session and communicate via (publicly available) audio and video recordings.  
• Can redirect light.  Lasers cannot damage you as long as you choose to redirect them in a different direction.  If you are hit by light-based magic (e.g. prismatic spray), you can immediately counter it and redirect it.  Spells cannot be redirected more than 2x in this way.
• You can shed light as bright as a torch.  However, the light shed is blacklight (borderline ultraviolet).  You can activate and suppress this ability with a thought.  Wikipedia.
• The first time you die, you shatter into a smaller projector.  In effect, you are being instantly returned to life at half HP, and with the additional quality of being Small (i.e. halfling-sized).  Small characters must used weapons and armor that are sized for them (or suffer a -2 penalty) but can can fight in cramped areas unhindered.  
• The second time you die, you shatter forever into 1d20 shards.  Each shard will forever project an image from a scene of your life if a light is shined through it.  Resurrection is impossible.

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Anyway, here's a bunch of art from Zhichao Cai.

No Reason

June 29, 2014, 12:15 pm

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YOU'RE DOING FAMILIARS ALL WRONG

June 30, 2014, 1:11 am

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a wizard and his familiar

FAMILIARS

Many people assume that familiars are animals that a wizard has empowered to be servants and allies. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Paladins will tell you that familiars are demons, sent to corrupt wizards with power. Others say that they are the ancient spirits that originally taught mankind magic, or that familiars are spells that have slipped away from their masters and now meddle in the affairs of wizards.

Whatever is true, wizards obtain familiars by casting the spell known ascall tofamiliar spirit. This is optional, and many (smart) wizards never mess around with familiars in the first place.

Once called the familiar will appear in 1d20 hours. What sort of familiar appears depends on where they are summoned. A frog familiar might appear if summoned in a swamp, while calling for familiars within a city sometimes returns a brownie or a jenkin.

a wizard and his familiar

The wizard must then bargain with the familiar. Familiars usually want to ally themselves with promising young savants with a bright destiny. Every familiar wants to be the voice in the ear of an archmage. They want power, indirectly. After bargaining, the hopeful wizard makes a Charisma check with the following modifiers.

• If the wizard is boring, meek, or unambitious, there will be a -1/-2 penalty.
• If the wizard is power-hungry or promises the familiar great things, there will be a +1/+2 bonus.
• The wizard can sacrifice things to appease the familiar. First, sacrifice as much stuff as you want, then make a Wisdom check. Success means that you get a +1 bonus for every 100sp of stuff sacrificed this way (gold thrown in the well, holy books burned, gemstones turned to dirt,etc). Failure means that you have misjudged the familiar's desires and your sacrifices will count for nothing.

If the wizard succeeds on the Charisma check, the familiar agrees to join you in a mutually-binding, magical contract. If the check is failed, roll on the Breach of Covenent Table below, and that familiar will never again appear to you. In fact, no familiar will ever appear to you at this location.  You've been 86'd.

a wizard and his familiar

Once a familiar has agreed to work with you, it can be summonedto your side. But familiars are fickle. Whenever you attempt to summon your familiar, make a Charisma check. Success means that the familiar arrives immediately. Otherwise it arrives in 1d20 hours. If you have annoyed your familiar, you automatically fail this Test, while familiars that are extremely pleased will always arrive promptly.

Your familiar doesn't really exist before it's summoned.  It crawls out of your hair, or scrabbles out of the wall.  And leaves in similarly dramatic fashion.  It can only be hurt by magic.

Familiars can use the detect magicspell at will, and will even share the results with you if you ask nicely (this is so trivial that it doesn't demand a favor in exchange). More importantly, familiars can perform services, but never more than 1/day. However, for every service it performs, you owe a favor.

1. Familiars can teach you spells, which you can then add to your spellbook immediately and at no cost. Roll on the random spell table to see which one. The familiar will only perform this service 1d4+1 times before it refuses. It cannot teach you what you cannot understand. The first spell is free.

2. Familiars can give you an extra spell slot of your highest level spell for one day.

3. Familiars can give you +2 to your caster level for one day. 

4. Familiars can save you from a violent death—but only once, and only if the familiar answers your summons immediately (i.e. you make that Charisma check mentioned above). The details are best left to the DM, but the familiar might crawl inside your mouth and give you the strength you need to overcome the situation, or you might just walk back into the campsite later on like nothing happened. Regardless, once your familiar has performed this favor for you, you become bound to it body and soul. You will never be rid of it. You owe it a favor every time you level up, or every time you gain a negative level.

5. Pretty much anything else you can dream up. Want it to scout out the next room? No problem. That counts as a favor, though.

Each favor is always something that the familiar can call in immediately, or at a later date. It's up to the DM, but the most appropriate favors are ones that are appropriate to the familiar's goals (see below) and potentially destrucive. Forgetting to return the spellbook to the wizard who has treated you kindly? Kill the silly NPC paladin who always gets in the way? Stealing a torch from a baby?  If this seems harsh, you can roll a 1d6 or something to see how unpalatable the familiar's request is.

If the wizard performs the favor that the familiar requests, that's the end of it. But if the wizard refuses, that is a violation the contract with the familiar, and deserving of a roll on the Breach of Covenant table.

Breach of the Covenant (d8)

1-4. mutation       5-6. permanent -1 to HP         7-8. permanent -1 to Save

a wizard and her familiar

As long as you can convince your familiar that you still have a chance to fulfill your destiny, it will not abandon you (although it might get grumpy). It has a contract to fulfill, after all.

To see a suggested familiar, roll on each table below, or just roll once for all four.  DMs are encouraged to make up their own, and especially to tailor the appearance for the environment where the call to familiar spirit spell was first cast.

Suggested Appearances (d8)

1. matte black crow, flies backwards.

2. fat weasel, sleeps constantly in your pocket or purse.

3. swollen toad, nearby objects and surfaces become soggy.

4. miniature woman, 2' tall with gold skin, wearing only jewelry.

5. small pig, walks like a man, fond of eating bones and skin.

6. white mouse, everyone gets goosebumps when it appears, speaks like a king.

7. brown jenkin, sort of like a large rat with human hands and face, fond of fetching things.

8. black cat, always stands on your shadow, causes discomfort on places where it's paws touch

True Appearance (d8) visible only using wizard vision or some magical truesight bullshit

1. small, misshapen version of you.

2. nauseous cloud of impossible colors.

3. hole in the universe.

4. empty skin, twitching/fluttering as if in a wind.

5. misshapen human child

6. pulsing mass of roiling meat.

7. there is nothing there and never has been.

8. suspiciously, it looks the same (or does it?).

Unique Power (d8)

1. can see the future in spilled intestines, quite accurate

2. can teleport the caster (only) to the nearest graveyard

3. can double your current HP, but will fade in 1d20 hours

4. can create false gold that will disappear in 1d20 hours

5. can create a feast fit for a king

6. can make a virgin fall in love with you

7. can fetch a named item that has been forgotten by all

8. no special power, but it will pretend that it has one

Goal(d8)

1. exploration of new frontiers (especially of the mind and/or other planes) and cosmic truth

2. iconoclasm and an end to banal religions (cosmic horror-gods are the only true gods; worship is optional)

3. magical power to bend the universe to your will

4. political power to rule the world and become a leader of men (preferred: starting a cult, marrying royalty)

5. deaths of weaklings and fools

6. carnal pleasure, incomprehensible ecstasy

7. construction of a vast object, built for some distant, undefined purpose (preferred: tower, ziggurat, ship)

8. destruction of the self through dissolution, dissociative drugs, anomie, and constant exposure to danger

Elementalist Wizards

July 1, 2014, 10:57 am

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So I'm still trying to kludge all my house rules into a system.  

No wizard is just a "wizard".  Everyone belongs to a school.  So far, I've got Elementalists, Illusionists, Necromancers, and Noise Wizards.  I'll probably throw in a Grognomancer for reverse compatibility.

Every wizard school has perks and drawbacks.  They also have a mostly-unique spell list.  Wizards can learn spells from other schools, but it costs them a Skill Slot.  Hopefully, this will be enough that a necromancer will never feel like an illusionist, even if they've both learned some of each other's spells.

(Every character has a number of Skill Slots equal to their Intelligence, which they can fill with skills, languages, and special abilities that they learn in the course of their journeys, like kung fu.  Spells from a different school compete with all of those other cool things.)

Anyway, elementalists are the most boring of those schools, because half of their spells focus on dealing straight damage (which is a lot of spells).  But I've tried to make them interesting both mechanically and flavor-ly.

Interpreting this bullshit:

If you see 1 MP or 1 Mana, that just means its a first level spell.  2 MP = 2nd level spell, etc.  You'll notice that everything down there is a 1st level spell.

Some spells can be reversed and prepared as their opposite.  This is familiar to you, hopefully.

Some spells can be promoted, and prepared as a higher MP spell (higher level spell).

If a spell can be promoted, you'll see something like "+1 MP: +2d6 damage".

That means that if you prepare the spell in the next higher slot, it'll deal +2d6 damage.

Check out the fireball spell; it'll make sense.

The whole point of making spells promotable is to prevent the quadratic wizard thing. Which is to say, a spell doesn't get more powerful just because the caster is a higher level.  If you want a more powerful spell, spend more MP on it, i.e. prepare it at a higher level.

A lot of these spells might be more powerful than what you're used to seeing.  This is because I've tried to make every spell (nearly) as useful as the benchmarks of sleep, fireball, and magic missile, and certainly more useful than an arrow fired by the party fighter (attack roll, ~1d6+1 damage).  For example, Acid Arrow, if prepared as a level 2 spell, will deal 5d6 (17) damage over 5 rounds, which is an insane amount.  But it seems more balanced when you consider that it requires an attack roll to hit, the target has 5 rounds to wash the acid off by jumping in some water, and the wizard just spent half of his daily MP to cast that wicked bit of magic.

Also, some of these spells are constant spells.

That means that preparing them and casting them are the same thing--you can enjoy the spell's effect for as long as you have the spell prepared.  Sometimes the effect is passive, and sometimes the spell is activated.  If it's an activated effect, it's pretty much the same thing as "If you've prepared this spell, you can cast it as many times as you want today."

There are five constant spells below: feather fall and four different control whatever element spells.

There's 30 spells below.  The first 10 are the introductory spells that you roll on whenever you roll up a new wizard.  The remaining 20 you'll have to discover over the course of your travels. 

There's a lot of spells down there, and you've probably seen most of them, so I've tried to label the interesting ones in red.

SCHOOL OF ELEMENTALISM

The Elements (and their Sub-elements) are Fire, Water (and Ice), Earth (and Acid), and Air (and Lightning).  The explicit Element of each spell is not labeled, but suffice to say that if a spell is about making the ground grab someone's feet, it's an Earth spell.

Perk

• +3 to Save vs elemental damage. No bonus on things that don't involve damage.

Drawbacks

• Cannot cast Fire spells if soaking wet or underwater.
• Cannot cast Water (or Ice) spells if dehydrated (i.e. have you drank water today?).
• Cannot cast Earth (or Acid) spells unless touching the ground, or a building that is touching ground.
• Cannot cast Air (or Lightning) spells unless you have access to the sky (i.e. could a sparrow fly from your mouth to the sky?). A good reason to leave the window ajar when you sleep.

Spell List

Anklecrusher Buoyancy* Control Fire Control Water Control Air Control Earth Feather Fall Ice Breath Ignite Shocking Grasp

Acid Arrow Burning Hands Circle of Frost Dissolve Evaporate* Fireball Frozen Zone Hide in Stone Light Lightning Bolt

Protection from Fire* Purify Elemen t Scorching Ray Stoneskin Water Breathing* Wall of Earth Wall of Wind Wall of Wind Wind Scythe Whispering Wind

Acid Arrow 1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 1 rnd

Target takes 1d6 acid damage, which repeats 1 round later unless the target washes it off by jumping in some water (or whatever). Requires a ranged attack roll to hit your target. +1 MP: +3 round duration.

Anklecrusher1 Mana

R: 50' T: 2 obj/creatures D: 0

Target creatures or objects are grabbed by the ground itself. If a creature fails a Dex Test, it takes 1d6 damage and is immobilized until it can win a Strength Contest against the ground. The effective Strength of the ground depends on what it is made out of: Dirt 8, Clay 12, Limestone 16. Obviously, this spell has no effect on things that aren't touching the ground. If cast on a creature that is prone, they automatically fail their Dex Test. +1 MP: Double number of targets.

Bouyancy* 1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 10 min

If cast on an object, it will float on top of the water. Underwater objects will be brought to the surface. If cast on a person, it will allow them to walk on top of the water. Works in anything that's mostly water. Works on things no larger than a rowboat. Unwilling targets get a save.

Reversed: Drown, forces an object to stay below the surface of the water. Trying to get your head above water is like pushing against a lead blanket. It is possible to get your head out of the water, but only if you can get your feet on solid ground (shallows) and beat the spell in the Strength Contest (Str 18). A snorkel would also work.

Burning Hands 1 Mana

R: 20' T: cone D: 0

Does 1d4 damage to all targets, Reflex Test for half. Highly flammable stuff (e.g. paper) will ignite. +1 MP: +2d4 damage.

Circle of Frost1 Mana

R: 0 T: 10' radius D: 3 rnds

Does 1d4 damage to all targets, Reflex Test for half. Everything that fails its Test is frozen to whatever surface they were touching. Boots are frozen to the ground, keys are frozen in their locks. Creatures are usually immobilized from the boots down unless they were playing in a fountain or something. Attempting to break loose is a free action that can be attempted once per round, and requires a successful Strength Contest vs the ice (usually Str 10). +1 MP: +1d4 damage and +3 to Str.

Control Air1 Mana

R: - T: - D: constant

While you have this spell Prepared, you can control a gust of wind within 50'. The exact effects of this spell never last longer than 1 round (unless the caster is concentrating on it) and are subject to DM interpretation, but should include: (a) clear away fog or gas, (b) extinguish a fire no larger than a torch, (c) blow all the papers off a desk, (d) with concentration, provide enough of a breeze to power a tiny sailboat. Additionally, non-magical gusts of wind will never extinguish a torch you are holding or interfere with a missile you shoot. +1 MP: More awesome effects; talk to your DM.

Control Earth 1 Mana

R: - T: - D: constant

While you have this spell Prepared, you can control a smallish amount of earth within 50'. The exact effects of this spell never last longer than 1 round (unless the caster is concentrating on it) and are subject to DM interpretation, but should include: (a) excavating a bucket's worth of dirt, (b) excavating the same amount, (c) causing the earth to quickly swallow a small item, or quickly swallow a non-resisting person, chest, or signpost, (d) exhume something at the same rate, (e) knock over some hobo's shack with a tiny tremor. +1 MP: More awesome effects; talk to your DM.

Control Fire1 Mana

R: - T: - D: constant

While you have this spell Prepared, you can control a smallish amount of fire within 50'. The exact effects of this spell never last longer than 1 round (unless the caster is concentrating on it) and are subject to DM interpretation, but should include: (a) causing a fire to double in size, power, and brightness, (b) create a huge amount of smoke, (c) extinguish a fire no larger than a torch, (d) have a small ember (0 damage) jump 1' off the fire, (e) ignite something that is meant to be burnt, such as a match, cigarette, or fuse, (f) heat up a cup of tea to a pleasant temperature, (g) cause a creature that is on fire to take double damage. +1 MP: More awesome effects; talk to your DM.

Control Water1 Mana

R: - T: - D: constant

While you have this spell Prepared, you can control a smallish amount of water within 50'. The exact effects of this spell never last longer than 1 round (unless the caster is concentrating on it) and are subject to DM interpretation, but should include: (a) propelling a small boat, (b) carrying a small item through the water, (c) allowing someone to swim at 2x speed, (d) forcing someone to swim at half speed, (e) splash something no more than 5' away, (f) dry out something that is wet, (g) freeze a small amount of water, (h) cool down a hot cup of tea. +1 MP: More awesome effects; talk to your DM.

Dissolve1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: concentration

While casting this spell and continuously concentrating on it, the object that you are staring at takes 1d4 acid damage per round as it begins to dissolve (Constitution Test for half). You can even use this spell to bore holes in walls, but it only makes a hole 1' and creates a lot of acidic sludge on the floor. Makes a hole through stone at about 1” per 10 minutes; or about 1” per minute in wood. No effect on metal. +1 MP: +2d4 damage per round.

Evaporate1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 0

About a bucket's worth of water evaporates from the target. Most animals take 1d6 damage, with a Constitution Test for half. Creatures that have contain no water take no damage, but creatures that are made of water (e.g. water elementals) take double damage. This spell also creates a cloud of steam in a 10' radius around the object (see the fog cloud spell). This spell has other uses: it can kill a patch of green slime (and create an acidic cloud) or cause a potion pop its cork and evaporate. +1 MP: +2d6 damage.

Reverse: Condense– condenses a fog or mist into a very brief rain. Affects a 20' radius area.

Feather Fall 1 Mana

R: - T: - D: constant

If you have this spell Prepared an suddenly find yourself falling, you can slow your fall to a silly degree (60' per round) so that you take no damage from the fall. You can cast this spell instantly, even when it's not your turn. 

Fireball 1 Mana

R: 50' T: 10' radius D: 0

Everything in the area take 1d6 fire damage, Save for half. Does not ignite anything. +1 MP: +2d6 damage.

Frozen Zone1 Mana

R: 50' T: 10' radius D: 2 turns

Area rapidly begins losing heat. Every creature that finishes their turn in this area take 1d6 ice damage, Save for half. Will freeze water solid by the end of the spell's duration. +1 MP: +2d6 damage.

Hide in Stone 1 Mana

R: touch T: stone surface D: 10 min

Your body merges into the stone surface you touch. The stone must be continuous and not smaller than you. You can hear through the stone, but cannot see. If the stone is damaged or messed with via magic, you are expelled and stunned for 1d6 turns. +1 MP: Bring 2 willing people along with you.

Ignite1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 0

Target object takes 1d6 damage and catches on fire. Creatures can make a Save to avoid catching on fire. (Rules for being on fire: take 1d6 at the end of each turn until a turn is spent putting the fire out.) +1 MP: +2d6 damage.

Ice Breath 1 Mana

R: 20' T: cone D: 0

Does 1d4 damage to all targets, Constitution Test for half. Extinguishes all fires smaller than a big bonfire. +1 MP: +2d4 damage.

Light 1 Mana

R: touch T: object/creature D: 2 hr

Touched object shines as bright as a torch where you touch it. Alternatively, this spell blind a creature by expelling all of its light as a bright flash in the eyes. This requires an attack roll. Most creatures are only blinded for 1d6 turns, but light-sensitive creatures (orcs, drow, etc) are blinded for 1d6 hours.

Lightning Bolt 1 Mana

R: 200' T: 1' wide line D: 0

Everything in the line takes 1d6 lightning damage, Save for half. +1 MP: +2d6 damage.

Protection from Fire 1 Mana

R: touch T: object/creature D: 10 min

Reduce all fire damage the target takes by 4. Alternatively, the spell can be cast on the whole party to protect them from the negative effects of heat, as if from a hot desert, for the next 8 hours. +1 MP: reduce all fire damage taken by a further 6 points.

Reversed: Protection from Ice – This should be pretty self-explanatory.

Shocking Grasp 1 Mana

R: 0 T: self D: 10 min

You enchant your hand so that it discharges 1d8 damage worth of electricity into the next thing you touch with it. Touching an unwilling opponent requires an attack roll (but they get no save). +1 MP: +2d8 damage.

Purify Element 1 Mana

R: 50' T: varies D: 0

Causes an element to reject impurities. Affects a variable amount of matter, depending on the element: a large bucket of water, a bonfire of fire, a small boulder of stone, or a large room full of air. Impurities will usually condense/accumulate as pellets and be pushed to the surface/bottom/floor. Doesn't work on creatures.

Scorching Ray 1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 0

Fire a ray at a target, dealing 1d10 fire damage with a successful attack roll. +1 MP: Fire +2 additional rays, possibly at separate targets.

Stoneskin 1 Mana

R: 0 T: self D: 10 min

Reduce all physical damage that you take by 2. +1 MP: reduce damage taken by a further 2 points.

Water Breathing 1 Mana

R: touch T: creature D: 2 hr

Target can breath under water, in addition to their normal modes of respiration.

Reversed: Air Breathing – Target can breath air.

Wall of Earth 1 Mana

R: 10' T: 10' x 10' wall D: 1 min

Create a wall in an empty space (not occupied by anything) with any orientation, but if it is horizontal, at least two sides of it must be anchored or the spell will fail. You can mold the wall, similar to cutting holes and notches in a 10' x 10' sheet of paper. Wall is solid—it's a wall. Wall is not hard to destroy, as it has AC 0 and HP 2d8. +1 MP: +2d8 HP.

Wall of Fire 1 Mana

R: 10' T: 10' x 10' wall D: 1 min

Create a wall in an empty space (not occupied by anything) with any orientation. You can mold the wall, similar to cutting holes and notches in a 10' x 10' sheet of paper. Wall does not block sight, but it will deal 1d6 fire damage to anything that passes through it (Save for half), as well as ignite adjacent flammable things after one round. +1 MP: +2d6 fire damage.

Wall of Wind 1 Mana

R: 10' T: 10' x 10' wall D: 1 min

Create a wall in an empty space (not occupied by anything) with any orientation. You can mold the wall, similar to cutting holes and notches in a 10' x 10' sheet of paper. Wall does not block sight, but powerful winds will knock small projectiles out of the air and prevent vermin (anything smaller than a rat) from passing. Ranged attacks (arrows, etc) that pass through the wall get -3 to hit. +1 MP: Additional -5 penalty to ranged attacks.

Wind Scythe 1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 0

Make a melee attack roll with the slashing weapon in your hand, and apply it to any object/creature within 50'. If you have no slashing melee weapon, it is as if you attacked with a dagger. The attack gets +2 to hit and deals +1d4 damage.

Whispering Wind 1 Mana

R: 200' T: point in space D: 1 rnd

The wind carries your voice to a point you designate (even through keyholes and cracks in stone, even if you don't give it any message to carry) where it then speaks/shouts/whispers your message. The wind listens for 1 round, and then returns to tell you what it heard.

Necromancers

July 2, 2014, 1:42 pm

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Still working on spell lists.  Holy fuck, spell lists.

I'm using a flexible MP system instead of spell slots (1 MP = 1st level spell).  And also, nearly all spells are first level spells that can be promoted into more powerful forms by spending more MP on them (equivalent to preparing them in a higher level spell slot).  A fuller discussion is here.

Here's the Necromancer.  They can raise undead minions, which is flipping sweet, but when they use a spell to raise one, the MP (spell slot) remains expended for as long as the undead is a minion of the necromancer.

SCHOOL OF NECROMANCY

Masters of undead minions. All three basic types of minions are flawed: Skeletons cannot recover lost HP in any way, zombies can be healed but their maximum HP erodes by 1 HP every day, and skin kites have a cumulative 1% chance of going berserk every day. The two kinds of advanced minions are better, but still have drawbacks. Poppets require your blood, while the crack zombies eat themselves to death in just a few rounds.

Perks

• +4 to Save vs Level Drain.
• Unlike other wizards, you can control the undead minions that you raise. However, the MP that you spent on that spell will never be regenerated as long as you control the minion (it stays expended). Commands that you can give mindless undead are limited to a single verb, optionally accompanied by pointing at something.

Drawbacks

• The hatred and fear of paladins and peasants everywhere.
• When you die or get knocked unconscious, you lose control of your undead minions, who will then behave erratically. Roll a d3: 1 – Return to your body and guard it against everyone, even your allies, 2 – Wander off in different directions, 3 – Attack everything, and when there is nothing left to attack, devour your body.
• Most hirelings will refuse to work for you.

spells 1-10 are ones you potentially start with, 11-30 are the ones you find on your journeys.

Spell List

Charm Undead Detect Undeath Fear Gentle Repose Invisible Servant Raise Skeleton Raise Skin Kite Raise Zombie Rot Speak With Dead

Blindness Blood Elixir Blood Funnel Call to Restless Spirit Curse of Undeath Essential Salts Explode Undead Exterminate False Death False Life

Gaseous Putrefaction Graft Undead Gnashing Shadows Kill Possess Undead Minion Raise Poppet Raise Twitcher Ruin (Frailty) See Invisible Wrack (pain)

And here's a selection of the more interesting spells:

Blood Elixir 1 Mana

R: touch T: corpse D: permanent

This spell takes 1 minute to cast, must begin within 1 round of the corpse's death, and requires reagents costing 100s (usually bat's blood, colloidal silver, and a Small vial). The brief ritual produces a blood-red elixir imbued with the knowledge of a random spell that was in the corpse's mind at the time of his death. If drunk, the spell is transferred to the drinker's brain, who is then free to either cast it or add it to their spellbook. Obviously, this spell has no effect on corpses who didn't have any spells Prepared at the moment of their death.

Call to Restless Spirit 1 Mana

R: dungeon T: - D: 0

You call out to restless ghosts. The call goes out throughout the entire dungeon, building, graveyard, battlefield, or whatever. If there are any aggressive ghosts or incorporeal undead anywhere in the dungeon, the nearest one will answer your call.

If there are no aggressive spirits, the nearest restless one will appear. Restless spirits usually want someone to deliver a message to a loved one, or to bury their corpse in a proper graveyard. If it is placated, usually by bundling up a mouldering skeleton in someone's Inventory, it will answer 1d6 questions about the place. (If there is a corpse of an adventurer in the dungeon, you have at least one restless corpse. But a particular dungeon may have more, or it may have none.)

Detect Undeath 1 Mana

R: - T: - D: constant

When you have this spell Prepared, you can activate it to determine if something is alive, undead or neither. 50' range.

Essential Salts 1 Mana

R: touch T: corpse D: permanent

This spell takes 1 minute to cast, must begin within 1 round of the corpse's death, and requires reagents costing 100s (usually ash from holy books, black salt, and a Small jar). The brief ritual produces a heart-sized pile of crystallized ashes, which contain the soul of the recently deceased.

Reversed: Call to Captured Spirit – This is a 1 hour ritual that requires only a fire. The soul contained in the salt is called forth, and can be conversed with freely while it is manifested within the smoke. Each spirit has a characteristic type of smoke, and they vary by color, density, odor, etc.

You have no special power over the spirit. All you can do is talk to it, although it the spell prevents it from leaving or from ignoring you—it must respond to your questions with something. Spirits that opposed you in life will continue to oppose you. If there is nothing that the spirit cares about anymore, it will be difficult to motivate. Some spirits are naturally helpful, some are perpetually stubborn. (When in doubt, roll a reaction roll.)

You can converse with the spirit for up to an hour, unless you wish to dismiss it earlier. The salts can be recovered from the ashes of the fire with a simple process. However, if the salts are scattered, or if a single drop of holy water touches them, the spirit will depart forever.

Explode Undead 1 Mana

R: 50' T: undead D: 0

If the target corporeal undead fails a Save, it explodes, dealing 1d6 damage to everything within 20', Save for half. No effect on incorporeal undead. No effect on undead with greater than 4 HD. +1 MP: +2d6 explosion damage, and +2 maximum HD.

Exterminate 1 Mana

R: 50' T: 20' diameter D: 0

Everything in the area take 1 damage, no Save. Swarms in the area instead take 2d6 damage, Save for half. Alternatively, this spell can be cast over 1 minute, which will allow it to kill all vermin in a house, including rats and fleas. +1 MP: +3d6 damage to swarms.

False Death 1 Mana

R: 0 T: creature D: 1 day

Willing creature dies. While dead, it does not rot (see gentle repose) but has no similar protection against being dismembered, eaten, or buried. When the duration has elapsed, the creature returns to life in exactly the same condition that it left it. You can set the spell to have a shorter duration if you wish. +1 MP: Duration extends to 1 month.

False Life 1 Mana

R: 0 T: creature D: 1 minute

Target creature gains 1d10 HP, which does not allow it to exceed it's maximum HP. Record this number. When this spell ends, the creature takes damage equal to the HP it gained.

This spell can even be used to (imperfectly) resurrect creatures that died within the last round with 2d6 HP. Creatures that are resurrected this way die permanently at the end of the spell's duration. The spell ends early if the creature notices that it is dead (no heartbeat, slashed jugular). +1 MP: +2d10 HP.

Kill 1 Mana

R: touch T: creature D: 0

Make a touch attack and then roll 1d10. If the amount rolled is greater than or equal to the targets remaining HP, the target dies, no Save. Otherwise, this spell has no effect. +1 MP: +2d10 rolled.

Ruin 1 Mana

R: 50' T: creature D: 1 min

If the target fails its Save, all damage it takes is increased by 2. +1 MP: +2 damage.

Rot 1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 0

Target takes 1d6 damage as part of it darkens and rots. No Save. Can be used to rot out a center section of a wooden door wide enough for passage, or rot the shaft of a wood-hafted weapon. Doesn't work on anything immune to rotting. (So a zombie would be affected, but not a mummy full of preservatives.)

Wrack 1 Mana

R: 50' T: object/creature D: 0

If the target fails a Save, it takes 1d10 non-lethal damage from excruciating pain. +1 MP: +2d10.

And because I figure that the biggest appeal of being a necromancer is bossing around zombies, there are five different kinds of undead you can raise, and a few interesting spells that you can use on them:

You guys get how it works, right?  A 1 HD zombie costs 1 MP (a 1st level spell slot) for as long as it around.  A 3 HD zombie costs 2 MP (a 2nd level slot).  And of course, you need to get those corpses in the first place.  All the undead (except the poppet) have some sort of planned obsolescence baked into them, so you can't keep them around a long time (or you won't want to).

Raise _____
R: touch T: corpse D: permanent
Spells that raise undead have a lot in common.  Exceptions will be noted under the individual spell.

The spell takes 1 minute to cast.  It creates a 1 HD undead, unless the corpse came from a creature with fewer HD.  The spell requires reagents costing 10s per HD, usually in the form of black peridots and silvered coffin nails.  Any wizard can raise undead, but only Necromancers can control them (pXX).  Undead have attack bonuses equal to their HD.  None of the undead listed below are capable of speaking.  +1 MP: +2 maximum HD.

Raise Autophage 1 Mana

R: 50'

Autophages look like zombies on crack. They twitch so violently and move with so little coordination that they literally tear themselves apart. Theya are constantly eating themselves and fidgeting.  An autophage uses d12s for HD, has AC 10, Movement 12, and does 1d4+HD damage. It takes damage each round equal to its HD, and is incapable of standing still or being quiet. +1 MP: +2 maximum HD.

Raise Poppet 1 Mana

T: parts from 10 corpses

A poppet is not created from 1 corpse, but from the leftovers of at least 10 corpses whose HD is irrelevant.  (Any fewer will result in an insane poppet.)  It's appearance depends on the exact parts that went into its construction. Poppets are the only undead that show signs of emotion. They watch you while you sleep. A poppet uses d4s for HD, has AC 12, Movement 10, Stealth 10, and does 1d4+HD damage. It also does +3 damage when it attacks an unsuspecting target. Each day, a poppet must be fed 1 HP of your blood for every HD it possesses, or else it crumbles away into powder. +1 MP: +2 HD.

Raise Skeleton 1 Mana

A skeleton has AC 14, Movement 9, and does 1d4+HD damage. They can wield a weapon, if given one. There is no way to restore HP to a Skeleton once it has been lost. +1 MP: +2 maximum HD.

Raise Skin Kite 1 Mana

A skin kite uses d4s for HD, has AC 12, Fly 12, and attaches to a target on a successful attack. While attached, it automatically deals 1d4+HD damage per turn. Although they lack sentience and emotions, skin kites are about as smart as a well-trained dog, and are capable of remembering locations, people, and names. Each day, a skin kite has a cumulative 1% chance of going berserk, usually at the worst possible time. +1 MP: +2 maximum HD.

Raise Zombie 1 Mana

A zombie uses d12s for HD, has AC 10, Movement 6, and does 1d4+HD damage. They get -2 to hit, but if the attack roll succeeds by 4 or more, they grab their opponent. Each day, a zombie decays, causing its maximum HP to decrease by 1. +1 MP: +2 maximum HD.