Dinosaur Clerics, a New Class

October 30, 2013, 9:27 pm

The Dinosaur God

By default, dinosaur clerics worship Tyroganon Ferox, the Paradox Lord of the Infinite Boneyard. It's a misconception that Tyroganon Ferox is an evil god. Yes, he wants to bring back dinosaurs and destroy all mammals, but he is also a stalwart enemy of cruelty, undead, and death cults. And the mammal tribes who worship him are treated well, and some are even allowed to become dinosaurs themselves.

Tyroganon Ferox's still struggles to bring his children back from their extinction, and so his servants include pseudo-imaginary dinosaurs and shuddering time-paradox zombies. In the hallucinatory jungles of Mar Maroo, his savage tribes protect and ride their flocks of almost-real dinosaurs.

The Dinosaur Lord of Impossible History has been following the present timeline very closely. And although he doesn't technically exist in the current world--yet--his dinosaurs have been slinking along the timelines, devouring all the mammals along the unused timeways.

Few people realize how close they are to hungry dinosaurs at all times. Tyrannosaurs lurk only a few months behind them. Yesterday, ankylosaurs are angrily destroying their houses. And packs of deinonychus lick their lips and watch you from only a few minutes ago. Time travel isn't difficult, but the even travelling a few minutes into the past is dangerous, since you may find packs of sarchosuchus tearing up your kitchen.

Travel far back enough in time, and you may even bump into Tyroganon Ferox himself, who blocks out the sun while pterosaurs circle him crying out their praises. His children have trampled your dead heroes into the dust. The recent past is full of dinosaurs tearing down your cities and roaring triumphantly.

Listen, wizard, time travel is a bad idea. The dinosaurs rule the past. Sometimes paladins declare war on the dinosaurs, but it is a foolish battle. The great warriors of the present cannot hope to do battle with billions of years of dinosaurs. Their kingdoms stretch from yesterday to the earliest primordial slimes.

Tyroganon Ferox and his clerics, have the following domains: Time, Time-Paradoxes, Bones, Dinosaurs, Reptiles, Birds, Eggs, Bravery, Volcanoes, and the Return of the Fallen.

The Dinosaur People

The dinosaur faithful claim that dinosaurs went extinct when Pelusia Macrolactica, the mammalian goddess of hair and boobs, collided with the planet. While Pelusia Macrolactica is certainly not among any of the pantheons worshipped today, the dinosaur faithful insist that somewhere in the depths of hell, a foul mountain of monstrous breasts crawls and lactates.

Since the modern followers of the dinosaur god see themselves as inheritors of the dinosaur zeitgeist, they sometimes have a hard time reconciling their own mammalian natures. Neither gender will willingly reveal their nipples, and large breasts are seen as shameful (and are usually tightly strapped down or disguised). Pregnancy is obscene, and is never discussed (although sex holds no similar taboo).

The dinosaur tribes live in the deep jungle, and although they struggle against giant insects and pseudo-imaginary diseases, they are not savages. The build castles of grass and mud, and launch themselves from wooden towers on pterosaur-skin gliders. Though dead timeways, they bring a few dinosaurs into the world with faith and paradoxes, but these mighty creatures are easily defeated by wizards, who can dismiss them as illusions.

A few of the tribes half half-dinosaurs, formed from the blessed union between a human and a psuedo-imaginary dinosaur. They are halfway real, and not as vulnerable as their mostly-imaginary progenitors.

The Dinosaur Clerics

Use the rules for clerics from your favorite edition, with the following changes.

- Same armor and weapons, but prefer armor made from giant bones and helmets that look like dinosaurs.

- Cannot be seduced or charmed by anything with nipples, even magically.

- Can calm down dinosaurs, reptiles, and birds (use druid rules).

- No "turn undead", but get "turn mammal". Mammals with Int 4+ are not affected.

Changes to spell lists! Most of these are just reskins, but some are unique enough that I've detailed them below.

1- detect evil becomes detect mammal

1 - protection from evil becomes protection from mammals

1 - new spell: explode egg

1 - new spell: detect blasphemy

1 - new spell: find volcano

2 - snake charm becomes charm reptile/bird

2 - new spell: hatch egg

3 - add spells: haste and slow

3 - remove spells: locate object and continual light

4 - new spell: summon illusory dinosaur

4 - sticks to snakes becomes sticks to compsognathuses

4 - remove spells: speak with plants and create water

4 - protection from evil 10' radius becomes protection from mammals 10' radius

5 - commune becomes ask the past

5 - finger of death becomes fossilize

5 - remove spells: dispel evil

Explode Egg

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric touches a (live) egg and sets a duration between 1-3 rounds. After that duration, the egg explodes, dealing 1d6 damage for every HD that the hatched animal would have at maturity, up to a maximum of twice as many HD as the Cleric. Blast radius equals 2' for every HD of damage it does, with a save for half damage. If the egg breaks before it goes off, it has a 50% chance to explode immediately, otherwise it's a dud.

Detect Blasphemy

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This works like the other detect spells, except it allows you to sense things that are out of place in time, and whether they are from the future or the past.

Find Volcano

Level 1 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This tells the cleric the direction to the nearest volcano. All volcanoes count as temples of their god.

Hatch Egg

Level 2 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric casts this spell while sitting on an egg. After a minute of sitting and chanting, the egg hatches and grows to maturity in a minute. It serves it's "mother" for 10 minutes per caster level, and then rapidly ages, dies, and turns into a fossil.

Summon Illusory Dinosaur

Level 4 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

The cleric summons a pseudo-imaginary dinosaur (1d4+1 HD). It has all the strengths and weaknesses detailed here, and a couple additional weaknesses. Illusionists can dispel it with a touch, and the slow spell destroys it instantly. Use your own random dinosaur table, because I don't want to write one.

Ask The Past

Level 5 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

As part of the casting, the cleric smokes some plants that have been extinct for millennia. The cleric falls into a deep trance and their spirit travels to the past, where they query the dinosaurs there. Treat this as a commune spell, except that it can only ask questions about the past and the ancient dinosaurs don't mind being pestered, and will give the cleric an egg to take back with them.

Fossilize

Level 5 Dinosaur Cleric Spell

This is just like finger of death, except that creatures killed by it are fossilized instead of just dropping dead. A creature that was killed by this can be restored by stone to flesh. If this spell is prepared in reverse, it can be used to turn ACTUAL fossils into live dinosaurs.

Dinosaur clerics start with some equipment. Roll 2x on the following chart, rerolling duplicates.

1 - Triceratops skull shield

2 - Stegosaur tail flail

3 - Glider made from pterosaur bones (weighs 60 lbs, and you know how to use it.)

4 - Raptor feather armor (leather armor that is comfortable enough to sleep in)

5 - Ankylosaur scale armor

6 - Dinosaur Egg (1 stegosaur, 2 apatosaur, 3 raptor, 4 triceratops, 5 compsognathus, 6 ramphorhyncus)

7 - Apatosaur-skin sling with 1d6 petrified eggs (sling stones)

8 - Map of the world, 60 million years out of date

9 - Iguanadon thumb dagger

10 - Pleisiosaur skin armor (leather armor that is easy to swim in)

11 - Magnificent raptor feather headdress

12 - Raptor tooth sword (image below)

All clerics start with a mask that resembles a particular dinosaur. This is their clan mask, and they strive to emulate that dinosaur's virtues

1 - Apatosaur

2 - Stegosaur

3 - Hadrosaur

4 - Velociraptor

5 - Spinosaurus

6 - Tyrannosaurus

7 - Ankylosaurus

8 - Archeopteryx

9 - Pterosaur

10 - Pachycephalosaurus

11 - Therizinosaurus

12 - Dunkleosteus

↧

Inventing the Tiger

November 2, 2013, 8:09 pm

≫ Next: The Land of Flowers

≪ Previous: Dinosaur Clerics, a New Class

If you just want the pdf, you can download it here.

Ecology

I love ecology. It's organisms and their environment, acting on each other, everything all at once. Did you know that things in ponds die and they sink and they rot and they release a bunch of CO2 that gets trapped in sludge on the bottom of a pond? This CO2 is permanently subtracted from the environment. Depending on the climate, the pond may "turn over" once or twice a year, releasing all the trapped CO2 back into the pond. This has major effects for the pond-dwellers.

Yeah, that sounds boring, but then read about limnic eruptions.

The point is that pond turnover is an emergent system that arises from the interactions between critters and ponds. No critters means nothing to rot. No water means no CO2 entrapment and lake stratification. This fish-pond system is bigger than fishes and ponds. The sum is more complicated than the parts, that sort of thing.

Anyway, dungeons don't have real ecologies. They're too organized and too unstable, both at the same time, so don't try to throw too much logic at them.

However, dungeon ecologies are a good way to start thinking about how the different creatures in your dungeon interact, how they move, how they eat, where they shit, and what they drink. This helps prevent the more egregious funhouse rooms (how did a 20' dragon get in a room with 5' doors?), but it can also be a creativity pump. Your dungeon lacks autotrophs, so put some fucking metal flowers down there! Imagine the spawning grounds of the salmon-folk! If there are giant fleas in your dungeon, there's no way they get all their blood from random adventurers, so whose veins are they tapping?

Remind me to blog about dungeon ecologies later.

You Suck at Being an Animal

Anyway, humans abandoned their native ecologies a long time ago. Now we design our ecologies. We build them, pave them, and plow them. One thing that we've left behind are our predators.

We carry the genetic baggage of BILLIONS of years of evolution. There is a whole lot of crap in our genome. Flawed proteins, broken proteins, and defenses against things that have been extinct for millennia. There are even a few retroviruses that crawled inside our genomes to die, and we've been passing them along like they're family heirlooms or some shit. But when we buckle ourselves into our sedans and bitch about the traffic, we still suffer from our (increasingly unhelpful) instincts.

Do you think you were born to be a predator? A mere 2 million years ago, australopithecus was 4 feet tall and probably eaten by everything dog-sized or bigger. Not just lions and hyenas and shit. Think eagles and dogs with weird heads. There were also terror birds and carnivorous kangaroos on different continents, and they probably swam across the oceans and ate your ancestors too, because you were so easy to eat back then.

You don't remember these things, but they happened to you. The part of you that cares about survival and breeding has been taking careful notes this whole time, without even being asked. It's written across all 120 billion miles of your DNA. Why do you think you're scared of the dark?

Tigers aren't scared of the dark. Tigers know that there's nothing in the dark that's scarier than a tiger. Tigers love the dark. Darkness is their bench when they are waiting. They wrap it around themselves before they go to sleep. And after they clip your spine like a fingernail, darkness is the table they sit down to eat upon.

Since 1800, tigers have killed at least 373,000 people. The Champawat tigress killed at least 400 people in Tibet and Kumoan. In the Sundarbans, tigers kill 50-250 people every year.

Holy fuck.

Good job, evolution. Good job making an animal that is optimized to kill slow, weak apes with bad hearing and worse smell.

But I don't live in the Sundarbans, so I don't get the enjoy that particular fear that is my birthright. One time I came home and found a strange cat in my house, but even that was fine. That cat was a pretty cool cat. He let me pet him and didn't even sever my spine once.

Reinventing the Tiger

But we still have the Fear of Tigers in us and we don't know what to do with it. Noisms wrote a thought-provoking post that got me thinking about a predator that evolved alongside us and is still miraculously relevant.

I'm going to try to invent some tigers from an ecological standpoint. Or more specifically, a dungeonical-ecological standpoint.

In the game of genetic success, humans pretty much won forever once we started using tools and developing symbolic intelligence. Anything that effectively preys on modern humans will have to negate our AWESOME ADVANTAGES:

- awesome vision and fantastic pattern recognition

- communication that lets us warn each other about this fell beast

- cooperation that lets us form torch-wielding mobs

- tools like magic wands and guns and magic guns

- social memory so that we'll never forget how we killed the horrible thing

Anything that effectively preys on modern humans would do well to capitalize on our SHAMEFUL RACIAL WEAKNESSES:

- can't smell for shit

- hearings not so great either

- expect the world and its creatures to be inductively reasonable and sorta logical

- assume that informing others of this creature is a good idea

- assume that memory is a good representation of the world

- assume that eyeballs are trustworthy

- assume that recorded knowledge of things are trustworthy

Lastly, there can be "predators" that improve our chances of reproductive success. They can do this by:

- not killing us outright

- increasing our fecundity

Alright, some modern tigers. I wrote a whole thing but it was huge so I made it a pdf.

P.S. I eventually wrote a sequel to this called the Book of Mice. It's located over here.

↧

The Land of Flowers

November 4, 2013, 1:32 am

≫ Next: Noth

≪ Previous: Inventing the Tiger

I began enjoying world-building a lot more once I stopped trying to engineer it and starting using it as a place to just hang my monsters.

I really like learning about climate patterns and ocean currents. I like biology so much that I went to college for it. And I really like making maps (when I draw a good coastline, I'm happy all day). But I don't like worrying about them. Yeah, considering the interactions and ecologies can lead to some insights, but they might not be interesting, and your players might not care. So, I guess my advice is to give a fuck or two fewer.

Hell yeah, I'd like to have a big awesome armoire, but awesome furniture isn't as important as the clothing inside it. It's an honest joy to fill it up, too, because once you have it well-stocked you can start imagining all the adventures your friends can have in there as they pass from drawer to drawer. Hopefully they'll find a way pillage the socks without getting eaten by the sweater-vests.

Anyway, this is Centerra, and there's a big, weird island up in the northeast.

The Land of Flowers

It's a beautiful place. The sunsets from the Ox Head Cliffs are said to be the most breathtaking in all the world. The air is sweet and clean, the rains are light and frequent, and rainbows are sometimes doubled for tripled. And the FLOWERS. Fields of them! Hills and valleys of them! Flowers of all colors and kinds! Flowers of every race and creed! Flowers upon flowers upon flowers!

The island was discovered (at least in the current historical cycle) by a certain Captain "Connie" Blythe, who landed on the headlands in 894 TFM. However, the happiness of this discovery was marred by tragedy, as his wife (eight months pregnant) went into labor and suffered a miscarriage only a short while after landing.

Regardless, there was a whole new land to explore and so the crew, being explorers, did exactly that.

There were rivers, swift-flowing and clear. There were hills, round-headed and low. The air was warm and pleasant, like a baby's breath, and so most of the men traveled shirtless when the weather was clear. They were soon delighted by the arrival of flocks of friendly butterflies. The little colorful things were as varied as the flowers, but were uniformly pleasant in their curiosity and docility.

Most of the men had never been this far north, and played like children in the warm drizzles. The ship, called The Proud Nose, had sailed from Teradar, half a world away in the chilly South. (I've marked it on the map with an itty-bitty red star.)

They found a city, built for a scale much larger than theirs. Door frames fifteen feet tall. Stairs that were half as high as they were. Streets fifty feet wide, now choked with flowers. Many of the buildings had collapsed, but interestingly enough, many of the stones seemed to have symbols carved into them. A huge runed pile of huge ruins.

Even more amazing were the tunnels beneath the city. Miles and miles of titanic vaults and amphitheaters.

They didn't have time to explore much of these tunnels, however, since they were running low on food. They hadn't been able to catch any game nor fish, and the flowers proved to be inedible.

And the men were beginning to get uneasy. They hadn't seen any wildlife, except for butterflies, flowers, and flowering trees. No bird sang. No cricket chirped. One man even remarked that he would sleep better if he could hear wolves howling in the hills.

The streams seemed to be filled with fresh and delicious water, and nothing else. Not even algae grew on the rocks.

The men began to grumble about cold coffee. There was little to burn except the flowers. The men reduced vast fields into trampled mud in their pursuit of burnable stalks, but it was too much work to get a big, hot fire going.

And the scintillating clouds of butterflies had become a nuisance. Ever-larger clouds of the things had begun appearing each day. They landed on hair and crawled in jackets. The men tried killing them at first, but them kept coming. Then, when it realized that it made no difference, they tried not killing them, as their buckles and shirts were already sticky with their tiny corpses.

And where did the butterflies come from each morning? Where did they go each night?

It was time to head back to the ship.

Tulips

An uneasy hike though the hills. Fat-headed tulips bobbing at them as they pass. Their red lips open to the wind. Unending rows of flowers. The men trample the flowers into the dirt, and take joy at doing so. Back at the ship, they compare notes.

The ship's lookouts don't believe the explorers' reports of a lifeless island. Why, the sea is filled with fish. Look, there's a pod of dolphins right over there. And anyway, of course there are animals on the island. They've seen birds.

Did the birds nest on the island? Did they even land on it?

Well, no. At least, they haven't seen it.

One of the lookouts, a sallow mustachio named Toberon (a member of the crew since the ship's maiden voyage, 20 years ago) mentions that he has seen animals.

What kind of animals?

Elephants.

Elephants? When did you see elephants? Where and how?

Last night. There was a whole herd of them. They came down to the ocean's edge and drank.

The crew erupts into discussion. The nights are dark. But Toberon is the most experienced lookout on the ship, and no one doubts the sharpness of his eyes. Toberon admits that he has never seen an elephant, nor a drawing of an elephant, but he claims to know what they look like. Elephants are very distinctive. But what sort of elephant drinks seawater?

Some of the men say that all elephants can drink saltwater. An argument breaks out. The captain regrets not bringing a naturalist.

At night, the returned explorers sit on the deck eating dried fish and hard tack. They notice that the others have brought in armfuls of flowers from shore. Bouquets sprout from the gunwhale. Bushels hang from the yardarms. Without speaking, they gather up all the flowers and throw them overboard.

In his cabin, the captain fucks his wife. Afterwards, she twines her fingers in his beard and tells him that she wants to go home. She doesn't like this place. The captain laughs and reassures her. "I thought all women liked flowers?"

The next day, the explorers set out again.

Baby's Breath

Over the course of a year, the Proud Nose conducts six separate expeditions into the interior of the island, none of which are longer than a week. The island makes everyone uneasy.

They also sail around the entire island, mapping its circumference. They find a giant-size harbor on the eastern coast and moor their ship there. In the crystal-blue water of the harbor, they can see huge vessels on the shore of the harbor. The smallest of those ships is still larger than their own. Some of the ships look to be made of stone.

The southerners come into conflict with the men of Charcorra, only a few miles to the west. After certain members of the crew steal one of their "cows" (a vast, oily sea slug), a series of skirmishes are fought, in which a dozen members of the crew die on the end of an fired-amber sword. Eventually, a truce is reached, and the members of the Proud Nose trade for their food, instead of stealing it. While their slaves count the gold, the Charcorran merchants smile with their black-lacquered teeth.

The Charcorrans tell the crew that the island is cursed. They call it Takwatothi, which means "open grave". They maroon their traitors there.

Buttercups

In the course of mapping out the island, they eventually discover four more giant cities. Three of these cities have extensive underground networks, the extent of which they never discover. However, in each of these undergrounds, they eventually find crypts.

And the mummies. There are thousands of the things down there. Stacked neatly on shelves like library books. Rows and rows of the things, stretching off into the gloom without any indication that their number is anything less than infinite.

Most of the crypts seem to be sealed from the inside. The captain reassures them, telling them that whoever sealed the tombs probably just left through another tunnel that they haven't found yet.

The men drag out there first mummy. It's fourteen feet long, but lighter than it looks. It burns very well, and the men enjoy their first cup of piping hot coffee for the first time in months.

Lily-of-the-Valley

The Proud Nose eventually returned home to accolades. After the requisite amount of ceremony and discussion, the ship was turned around and sent back to the Land of Flowers in order that it might set up a colony. It would be accompanied by a second ship, The Triumphant.

In the end, two colonies were founded: one at Giant's Harbor and another at Giant Step, two of the cyclopean cities of that place. They brought seeds with them, and enough lumber to build two stories inside each of the huge one story buildings.

The two ships didn't remain anchored by the Land of Flowers. Once they had deposited the settlers, they filled their holds with giant mummies and sailed back home. When studies of the mummies yielded no interesting results, a few of the huge, tarry mummies found their way into museums and private collections. Most of the mummies were ground up to make black paint.

Daffodils

The next year, the ships from Teradar returned to the Land of Flowers. They landed and walked through fields of daffodils until they found Giant Step. It was abandoned. There was no sign of violence. The longhouse was locked, as was the church. The houses seemed well stocked, and there were no signs of anyone packing for a long journey. A single horse was found browsing among the daisies, but it ran off when people approached, and was not seen again. They found farms, but no fields. However, in the overseer's house, they found a journal addressed to them that explained several things. I'll return to this journal momentarily.

The city of Giant's Harbor was likewise abandoned, but unlike Giant Step, there was less mystery concerning where (and quite a bit more concerning the how). In several places, broken weapons were found. Bent swords and shattered spears. In several places, a bit of blood. In one place, quite a lot.

Only one person was ever found. Her arms and legs were found scattered among the lilies. Her torso was found some days later, atop a roof. The pastor reckoned that it had been thrown there. In one place, bloody handwriting on the wall read: "We were wrong about the ghsts" [sic].All of the basements were found to be flung upon. In the basement of every house yawned a huge doorway that led to the labyrinths beneath the city, and their endless tableau of faceless dead.

Horrified, the ships fled the island. Teradar would abandon all plans to colonize the island for almost a century. The bodies of the settlers at Giant's Harbor were eventually found in the catacombs beneath the city, crudely mangled and carefully embalmed, all neatly stacked beside each other on a shelf all of their own.

Gloriosa

But all of that was a long time ago. In Teradar and in Noth, the ideas of terror and superstition are losing ground to more modern ideas: manifest destiny and inevitable progress. Ships launch every day for untamed shores to tame them. Their diplomats travel to distant cities that they might pay to move the imaginary lines between countries. Their armies meet new and interesting people that they might kill them. And every half-shaven head in that rainy city that rests upon a rabbit-hair pillow shares the twined dreams of enterprise and empire.

They are going back to the Land of Flowers. A beachhead has already been built, and from Fort Pondermain adventurers sally forth into the flower-choked hills to hunt whatever secret force dares align itself against the march of progress. Once that door has been flung upon, the marines can trample their unknown foe into the dirt and plow the flowers into lines of grain.

That will happen. Civilization is inevitable. But as of yet, Fort Pondermain is a muddy shithole, filled with toothless desperadoes, so-called adventurers, and the crews of Navy ships that have failed so disgracefully that they were assigned here.

Much more is known this time around, mostly gleamed from the journal found at Giant Step.

The Facts Are These

The Land of Flowers is a sterile land. Seeds never sprout. Animals never concieve. Pregnancies will self-terminate (as Captain Connie learned) and normal crops are impossible to grow. Chickens lay empty eggs. The only exceptions are the flowers and the butterflies. The people that live there survive on a wretched diet of dandelions, supplemented with tiny oranges and fish. The fields around Fort Pondermain are filled with huge nets that catch butterflies by the billions. Their wings are pulled off and the insects are boiled into a black gruel that the locals call "butterfly soup".

The elephants are real. Very rarely, the settlers will see ponderous, quadrupedal shapes framed against the stars atop some low hill. More often, tracks are found in the mud, but these seem to vanish near the seashore or the canals. The "elephants" kill people by tearing them limb from limb and trampling the remainder into the mud, although they sometimes pile the corpses together and cover them with yellow flowers.

The deep interior of the island is extremely flat, and is crisscrossed with canals. Depending where you are going, it is easier to travel by small sailboat than to walk. Newcomers are often surprised by the sight of a sail traveling towards them over the fields of bare roses.

No attempt has been made to recolonize the dead cities of the giants. Adventurers frequently retrieve loot and mummies (still the best source of burnable material) but no one ever sleeps there. Giant Step and Giant's Harbor are twice abandoned, with their bisected interiors and howling emptiness. Giant Step has a memorial outside, and is something of a crossroads. Giant's Harbor is untouched: the tunnels still gape beneath the houses and the blood still stains the stone. On some nights, noises are heard coming from the catacombs beneath the cities. Dull poundings or a constant roars. Sometimes the noise is incredibly loud, as if the earth itself were revolving on its axis beneath them.

These unexplained events are attributed to the local boogeyman, "Ol' Breakbones". A feral pack of adventurers might be slouching behind some beflowered hill, making coffee over the burning mummy of an prehistoric giant, and from half a mile away, they hear the dull thunder cycle up beneath the daffodils, who tremble in tempo with the ancient rhythm.

"Ol' Breaky's sure up late," says one of the adventurers.

"Yup," nods another, who sips his coffee and waits for the dawn.

I've never actually had a chance to run any adventures in the Land of Flowers (yet) but I have a pretty good idea how I would run it. I would do my very best to imitate Beedo over at Dreams in the Lich House, where he has a very awesome project called the Black City, which has a lot of themes that I want to plant in the Land of Flowers: the outsiders landing on the shores of a distant, hostile land, the inexplicable monsters, the dead cities with the mechanisms still turning beneath them, and especially the idea of a lawless frontier with virgin plunder.

↧

Noth

November 4, 2013, 9:04 pm

≫ Next: Charcorra

≪ Previous: The Land of Flowers

Noth

On the southeast side of the Great Continent, there is a country called Noth. They claim more land than any other nation, and have the second-highest population in the world. They recently conquered their old rival, Kaskala, and there was much rejoicing.

Noth is young and rich and mad with their own success. It's gone straight to their head. In the space of a generation, this cultural hubris has given them a society that is very different than their neighbors.

Most people in Noth are gilean, but they aren't racist. In fact, they're a very socially mobile society. It's one of their strengths. Anyway, gileans are pale white people with pale pink lips. Their skin turns black when it gets wet, and most of them wear blush and train in martial arts.

The country is at a crossroads. Everyone is using the word "empire" and Noth seems to be set up to become a world power, but it's not there yet. What does an evil empire look like before it's ripe?

Teradar

There is a city on the coast, squatting among the gnarled hills. It's the biggest city in the world. The materials are cold rain and black iron. Buildings are covered with vertical lines and polished faces, the stern eyes of saints, politicians, and war heroes.

The city is filled with war memorials and gated cemeteries. The Storm Bastion, the largest castle in the world, sits in the middle of the royal park, thick with black-leafed trees and tame deer. King Arcento Brevori IV and Queen Apathia Rinaldi hold court. Engineers are warriors are revered. Military service is mandatory for at least 2 years.

Law is draconian. Traitors are crucified on the outside of the Tower of Blood, with their feet weighted by huge pieces of metal shaped like swords. They die from exsanguination, exposure, or the royal pets (who fly from the tower's peak every night). Secret police cover their chests with arcane tattoos (that no one would dare imitate) and protect the populace against rebels and saboteurs.

Large parts of the city are automated. Visitors see gates that open on their own and barges that propel themselves down the canals. Most assume this is magic. It's not. It's entirely powered by the masses of criminal-slave-prisoners who toil beneath the city in a series of cells and engines referred to as the Pit. Most of the Pit-dwellers are infected with an attenuated form of vampirism that gives them no benefits but a crippling allergy to sunlight and a dependency on a form of jellied, synthetic blood called rosewater. The Pit-dwellers call themselves spiders and have an entire culture. Even their jailors give them plenty of free reign to govern themselves as long as they keep turning the wheels and never try to leave the Pit.

The most visible symbol of Teradar is the Rinaldi Ravensway, which is a series of locks that goes from the harbor, into an aquaduct, and over the city into the highland river systems. This makes it possible to float a large ship up from the harbor and sail it over the city via the black iron aquaduct. Poets and engineers have both marveled when a ship sails through the needling spires, casting a sailor's shadows on the marketplace far below.

Culture

Visitors in Teradar are often amazed at how many fences the city has. It's traditional for ironworkers to showcase their talents by making tall, elaborate fences out of black iron. They've been doing this for generations, and as a result the city is rather choked with them.

Tattoos are important, because they signify your dedication to an idea or role. Trade tattoos are most common, especially around the left eye. Sailors get tattoos representing how many voyages they have made and where. Soldiers get tattoos for each campaign and kill. Even carpenters get tattoos to indicate how many tables they've made. Most adults have a facial tattoo that identifies their profession. What if they want to change professions? Hah! Questions like that are why other countries are so far behind Noth in industry, science, and exploration.

Crying is common, and public. Both genders cry. It isn't seen as a sign of emotional weakness, but rather a method to release emotional weakness before moving on. If a Nothic man cries after you insult him, it might mean that he is steeling himself to do terrible things. Warriors often gather together to get a good cry out after a battle, and judges weep before sentencing men to death by torture. Fainting however, is the pinnacle of femininity, and "good wifes" are supposed to pass out whenever something joyful, tragic, or notable happens around them.

These tattoos aren't always obvious. Priests get a Z tattooed around their eye, for St. Zdanlos, their patron. Nurses get a bird's wing over their eye, and doctors get a wren beneath it.

Fashionable men shave sections of their head. Nobles shave a full hemisphere (front, back, left, right--these all have different meanings). Entire messages are displayed in hairdos and intricate braids, and newcomers can gain a lot by learning the language of coiffures. Most men wear beards, thickly braided with loops, coins, and bells. Loops represent fields of expertise, coins are for wealth, and bells are for honesty (since thieves cannot wear bells). Pendulous beards and long hair is associated with the wealthy, who have the leisure to cultivate impractically ponderous hair. A princeling might carry his cigarette case in his beard, and a lady may carry a jarred kitten atop her head, peeking out like an owl.

Parks are popular, but the tree that grows best in the cold, rainy climate is a species of red bamboo, and every park is choked with bearded men wandering the red stalks, smoking furiously and complaining about the rain. Fashion is mostly bulky, dark clothes with small spots of color. Among the nobility, silver or gold chains might link a nose piercing to an earring.

Animals are prized, and nearly every family keeps an animal as a diversion or for a profit. Segrati are huge swans, the size of mastiffs, that are trained and used to fight against each other in highly ritualized, public competitions. You'll never see a dog in Teradar, since hyenas are immensely popular among the common folk, who raise them, fight them, and dye their mohawks fierce colors. Nothic people will happily explain to you the superiority of hyenas to dogs.

Immensely fluffy angora rabbits are kept by the rich, and herds large (40 lb), rabbits are kept by the common folk, whose soft fur is woven into fabrics. Especially popular among the nobility is the practice of jarring pets. Small animals (kittens especially) are sealed into jars with only their heads exposed. The animal spends its entire life in the jar, and is watered, fed, and cleaned like a houseplant.
Noth is also the only nation to have any relations with the mysterious and feared heremancers of the Darklands.

The food often takes some getting used to. Nothic cuisine includes a lot of pickled foods and vinegar. Things like fermented eggs and jellied cheeses are rarely pleasing the first time they are eaten, but Nothics will gobble them down heartily and roar for more.

A martial art called cho sabbat is very popular, as well as a board game called jecketts.

The country is also rife with fraternal orders and military brotherhoods. The military intrudes into many other spheres of life. There is a strange blurring of the religious and the military, and several of the countries most effective battalions are actually members of the Church of Hesaya (although you wouldn't think so at first glance.)

A couple of notable (and elite) military orders: The Jaws of Arquette, who eat the bodies of their conquered foes in order to grow stronger and honor St. Arquette, who saved saved a town after eating the body of a giant. The Wings of Govindesa, who wear jump thousands of feet through and impale their targets on huge, compressible lances (that also serve to cushion their landing). They honor St. Govindesa, who is the patron saint of the element of air. (St. Govindesa was also a pacifist.)

Teradar's goals seem to be moving from "conquer everyone" to a more politically viable "colonize everyone else". Toward this end, they are fighting orcs in Drimthier, rebels in Kaskala, darklanders in Farghist, and in the Land of Flowers. . . they're fighting something, even if they don't know what it is yet.

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Charcorra

November 5, 2013, 11:54 am

≫ Next: Another Damn Skill System

≪ Previous: Noth

Centerra is my oldest campaign setting. I've been wandering its weird hills for almost a decade now. In that time, a lot of places have gone through a lot of revisions.

There was a weird little island in the south that I just labeled Carcosa as sort of a placeholder identity. Because I already knew what Carcosa was: it was dangerous, at the very edge of the map, and with a strange culture that wanted to kill me. But then Geoffrey McKinney's Carcosa was released and I bought it and read it and it was excellent and then Carcosa meant something different.

Because of that, I couldn't just leave the little island named Carcosa. Geoffrey will probably never knowof his spooky assholery that compelled me to remodel my Carcosa at a distance. But sometime between when I rotated my map 180 degrees (why're the cold places always to the north?) and the 11th and 12th drafts of my globe (I've redrawn that map a lot), the ambiguous little island of Carcosa became the much more specific island of Charcorra.

Charcorra

The streets are made from black clay, hard-packed and crisscrossed with ruts. Most buildings have monotonous facades, all carved from the same dark brown fungal wood. The forest of giant mushrooms on the island is quite sparse, and most of the buildings are older. There are no sewers, and the streets are awash in dung and sour filth.

That is most of what is known of the city, since it is a closed community. Outsiders are forbidden from landing on the island, and are killed on sight if they ever set foot outside of a tiny zone in the harbor district.

It's fairly obvious when you aren't from around there.

Although they live on the very fringe of it, the Charcorrans are darklanders, and like all darklanders, their skin is a mix of olive, grey, and green. Their eyes are brown, grey, or golden. Their teeth are black with lacquer (unless they are too poor to afford even this paltry cosmetic). Their spines are prominent through their skin. They average a good 6" taller than the other races of man (most of it in the torso) and their blood is black and extremely salty. Dreadlocks are nearly universal.

Like many darklanders, the Charcorrans are infected with a powerful sense of superiority. Even the harbor whores will tell sailors of their inferiority when they think their listeners are asleep.

In Charcorra, there is a warrior caste that artificially lengthens their arms with a mixture of sorcery and mechanical mutilation during childhood (mostly the latter). They believe that having a few inches of extra reach is an advantage on the battlefield, and they may be right. However, it does give their knights a very gangly look: dreadlocks whirling above their platemail as they thrust their toothy spear into the melee, that sort of thing.

They import metals, lumber, warfish oil, and especially leather. They export dyes, spices, a fortified wine called pittry (black as ink, but delicious), ceramics, and weapons. Let's talk about those last two categories for a second.

Rosenglass is enchanted glass (normally a light pink) that can be easily manipulated magically to alter the color and opacity, and is much sought after rich people who want to appear rich (rosenglass is quite expensive). Chargale is a ceramic that is strong enough to scratch steel, and is often made into bladed weapons. However, cheap chargale is quite brittle, and the strongest chargale weapons are the ones that have spent the most years in a fire (like a wine). If a Charcorran says that he has a seven-year sword, it means that it was baked for seven continuous years in a kiln, so his sword is much better than yours. After the ceramic has cooled, subsequent heatings do nothing for the strength of the material. Crysmere is not made in Charcorra, but is rather imported from somewhere deeper in the darklands. It is another form of soft crystal that is baked similar to chargale, although a bit softer. Unlike chargale, however, crysmere can be used to template spells, similar to a wand or staff, and many wizard's swords are made from it. Sotlatl is a poisonous metal, viper green and perpetually toxic. There are several other types of poisonous alloys, but none so famous as sotlatl.

In Charcorran culture, bonjuka are weapons that are used to kill animals and honorless criminals; they may not be used on anything else. Kreya are weapons that are used to kill enemy warriors and other intelligent combatants. Most Charcorran warriors carry at least one weapon of each type.

There are finer subdivisions of weapon. An infidel-killing spear is subtly different from a slave-killing spear, which is likewise different from a king-killing spear (perhaps a few more teeth along the saw edge and a crossbar that has been shifted a few inches). These distinctions are lost on outsiders. These intentions aren't strict, but any Charcorran worth the name will do their best to equip themselves with the appropriate weapon, and wartime killcounts are worthless unless performed with the right weapon. Charcorrans love their killcounts.

There are even women-killing knives (more of a hand sickle, really). You know you are in bad part of town when several men in the room wear baby-killing hammers on their belts (in case they need to kill a baby tonight, and want to make sure it counts).

Charcorrans are famous practitioners of mariculture. Their island is ringed with private ocean-ranches, vast tracts of shallow sea netted off. The owners of these marine farms are often found nearby, on huge, sprawling floating platforms (ranch houses, to continue the analogy). Although they love to eat salmon, eel, and dolphin, they are most famous for sangrayl, which is a 15'-long, free-swimming, herbivorous sea slug. (There are larger, carnivorous sea-slugs in the northern seas. Most southern sailors, given the choice, would choose shark's teeth over the slug's radulas.) The sangrayl ranches use so many nets, weights, floats, and buoys that most have been built over generations.

One last source of food: spindle pigs, a dog-sized sort of water strider than spends its entire life at sea. They are used for meat, companionship, and as "sheepdogs" for the herds of sangrayl. You know -you're sailing too close to Charcorra when an angry marine rancher pulls his raft up (pulled by big ol' sea worms, although you won't see them) along side your ship, and angrily demands that you pay him for trespassing on his sea-slug ranch. Scattered in the water around his boat are his spindle pigs, baring their fangs and making threat-chirps.

There is a resin called kreesh that is poisonous when it is smoked. Or at least, its poisonous when southerners smoke it. It causes a subtle numbness, followed by extreme weakness, followed by unconsciousness, followed by death unless you are given clean air to breath. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, Charcorrans smoke kreesh all the time. Perhaps they have some natural immunity to it, or are exposed to enough of it that they avoid the worst effects of it. But if you meet a Charcorran smoking kleesh, don't accept his offer to share any. If you are lucky, your knees will wobble, you'll fall over, you'll be laughed at, and that'll be the end of it.

Charcorran wizards can be easily recognized by the huge breathing apparatuses that some of them wear, like reverse gas masks. They'll have tiny smokepots strapped to their bellies, or to their backs (giving them the look of a hunchback). Speaking through sooty respirators, they'll cast their spells in between puffs of poisonous kreesh, although most suspect that they supplement it with tantigar (which always makes southerners nervous).

Charcorrans (and presumably all darklanders) worship vast pantheons of horrible gods. This is probably the biggest reason why they'll never be accepted by the "civilized" cities of the Great Continent. Their gods are always baroque, overwrought things with complicated cosmologies, tangled (and sometimes cyclical) genealogies, and no shortage of fanged orifices. You may see a Charcorran burning a stillborn calf to honor Malcarna, Who Dwells In Shells and Bleeds Black Pitch, but you'll never see a Charcorran cleric casting healing spells. In fact, Charcorrans are amazed/aghast that anyone dares to trade worship with the gods for petty miracles, like some cheap merchant. Gods are horrible things that must be appeased with blood. They take, and give nothing in return, and this is as it should be.

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Another Damn Skill System

November 6, 2013, 4:00 am

≫ Next: Yet Another Damn Skill System

≪ Previous: Charcorra

It's like a big smash up of Burning Wheel, BRP, and every single skill system I've ever read, all at once and forever.

You have skill slots equal to your Intelligence score. You can pick up as many skills as you want, but once you run out of skill slots, you need to start overwriting them.

There is no skill list. You're grown-ups. If you want to be good at using a rope, then just write it on your character sheet.

Caveats:

“Thievery” is too broad of a skill. Use “burglary”, “pick-pocketing”, etc.
“Wizard knowledge” is also too broad. Use “necromancy”, “dead languages”, etc.
There is no "diplomacy" skill. Roleplay it and/or roll under your Cha.
There is no "search" skill. Tell the DM where you are looking.
There is no "perception" or "bluff" skill either.

There is some wiggle room. Can “mountaineering” climb a wall? Probably. Ask your DM.

Every skill you have can be represented by a number from 1 to 16, called the rank. To attempt a skill, roll a d20. If you roll on-or-under your skill rank, you succeed. If you succeed by 10 points or more, it is a critical success, and you can choose an adjective to describe exactly how you succeed, like “irreversibly”, “reversibly”, “quietly”, or “impressively”. If you roll a natural 20, you have rolled a fumble, and the DM will invent some dire consequences.

The highest you can raise a skill is 10 + character level. Or 16. Whichever is lower.

Assumed Skills and Untrained Ranks

You are assumed to be literate, proficient in basic physical skills (running, jumping, climbing, swimming), familiar with your own background (the culture of your social group, the geography of your homeland, and the language of your people) and anything else that makes sense. For these skills, you have an untrained rank equal to whatever the most relevant stat is.

For skills in which you are non-proficient, you have an untrained rank equal to half of whatever the most relevant stat is.

Gaining New Skills

You start the game with 2 skills at Rank 10. Roll one skill on your racial table, and another skill on your class table. Thieves roll twice on each table, and so start with 4 skills at Rank 10.

You gain new skills by announcing “I want to start learning this skill.” and then writing it down on your character sheet at a starting rank equal to your untrained rank (half the relevant stat for most skills).

You learn Int-based skills (lores) a little differently. You begin learning a lore when you start studying it in a school or library, or from a tutor. There are some exceptions to this. You can learn “wilderness lore” by living in the woods, or “goblin lore” by dissecting a lot of goblins. Use your common sense. All lores start at Rank 1.

Advancing Skills

You advance a skill by using it. When you use a skill and succeed, put a check mark next to it. When you use a skill and fail, put an “X” next to it. When you have a few days to relax in town (usually between adventures) you can erase both the check mark and the “X” and roll a d20. If that d20 roll is equal-to-or-higher than the current skill Rank, the Rank improves by 1. Note that Ranks are limited by level (Max Rank 11 at level 1, for example).

You advance a lore by studying it. You can raise a lore by 1 point when you either (a) studying a new source for a week, or (b) studying an old source for a year. A source can be a book, a library, a sage, or whatever. New sources are much faster, and so it pays to travel to foreign libraries and seek out distant sages.

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Yet Another Damn Skill System

November 10, 2013, 9:23 am

≫ Next: Art Sans Artiste

≪ Previous: Another Damn Skill System

A few days ago, I got into a small discussion--barely a chitchat, really--with +Paolo Greco about our mutual love for diminishing returns in dice systems. (He has a elegant example over at his blog.)

I've come to realize that there are a lot of ways to generate different trends with dice. This is because I think about dice a lot. I walk around with a couple in my pocket. I fall asleep with dice in my bed. Once I drank too much at a party and vomited, and that was like, 30-40% dice. I think I rolled a 23.

Anyway, here's a diminishing return system for skills.

The S System

Roll two dice and subtract the smaller number from the bigger number. If this resultant number is equal to or smaller than the skill/stat/whatever, the attempt succeeds.

The shorthand for this is sX, where X is the die size. (Like d6 . . . s6, s8, etc)

Here's a couple examples of an s6 roll against a Pick Pocket skill of 1.

Rolled: 3, 4
3 - 4 = 1
1 is equal to (Pick Pocket) 1, so the attempt succeeds.

Rolled: 6, 3
6 - 3 = 3
3 is greater than (Pick Pocket) 1, so the attempt fails.

There are two huge advantages here:

1. Untrained (Score of 0) still has a chance to succeed (if both dice show the same number). With a d6, this is about a 17% chance.

2. There are diminishing returns as you invest points into this skill. That is, each point you put into the skill causes the % of success to increase by a smaller amount. But since reproducibility and confidence are so important, players will still want to invest in skills, even at higher ranks.

Let's look at some probabilities.

s6 Probabilities

Rank	% Exact Roll	% Success
0	17%	17%
1	28%	45%
2	22%	67%
3	17%	84%
4	11%	95%
5	5%	100%

So you can see, that even if a player has NO ranks in a skill, they still have a 17% chance to successfully attempt a skill (assuming you let them). But that first point increases their chance of success to a whopping 45%! Every point after the first one gives diminishing returns.

Is 17% too high for you? Do you want a finer graduation between Unskilled and Masterful? Use a bigger die. Rolling s8, s10, or s12 will all give you more discrete steps, while preserving a simple mechanic and giving diminishing returns.

In practice (and I have been practicing) this is dang fast.

And if you want to adjust difficulty, you can modulate the ranks by +/- 1 or 2.

Just for fun, here's the table for an s10 roll.

s10 Probabilities

Rank	% Exact Roll	% Success
0	10%	10%
1	18%	28%
2	16%	44%
3	14%	58%
4	12%	70%
5	10%	80%
6	8%	88%
7	6%	94%
8	4%	98%
9	2%	100%

Ain't it cute?

Critical Failures and Success

If you roll the worst possible result (like a 1 and a 6 on a s6 roll), something bad happens. This is pretty rare.

If you roll doubles, and the number shown is equal-to-or-less-than your skill rating, you get a critical success, and good things happen. So if you have Skill 4 and roll double 3s, thats a critical success. Obviously, this means that you can never get a critical success if you have no skill in something.

The advantage of this is that critical failures will always be a threat no matter how skilled you are, while critical successes become more likely as you become more skilled.

And. . .

Here are the s6 and s10 curves on anydice.com:
http://anydice.com/program/2d7b

I can think of a couple of ways to rejigger it to apply to stat checks, too.

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Art Sans Artiste

November 11, 2013, 3:57 pm

≫ Next: Taming the Mouse

≪ Previous: Yet Another Damn Skill System

Things I have drawn today, as part of my newest project.

I love the eyeballs on the last guy.

Click to embiggen.

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Taming the Mouse

November 12, 2013, 10:24 pm

≫ Next: The Goblin Library

≪ Previous: Art Sans Artiste

We're all such fools.

If you take a step back and look at all of human history, we've been mostly wrong about mostly everything most of the time. At least, a lot of the natural science stuff. The best authorities used the best available methods and still came up false. And I firmly believe in atoms and the Bernoulli effect and the tectonic plates, but what if I'm wrong.

It's an infantile train of thought but it is good for cultivating unconventional trains.

Anyway, there once was a time when people thought that mice grew out of riverbanks. They knew mice had babies like other animals had babies, but mice totally just popped out of the mud ever summer as a secondary way of making mice. How else can you explain how come there's no mice in April and fucking gazillions of them in May?

And while this sounds stupid nowadays (lol at pharaoh) it was the best explanation available at the time. And there's certainly no reason why this erroneous delicacy can't be the god-given truth in a fantasy setting.

So here's a book of mice. Low HD monsters (usually 1 HD) that are formed through mundane magic. That's not an oxymoron. The processes that generate mice in a riverside are as mysterious and as logical as plate tectonics.

You can download it here.

If your keyboard is plugged in and you have opinions, speak them!

If you inflict this book upon your players, let me know how it goes!

If the clobstrok on page 6 reminds you of a latex-clad dominatrix, keep it to yourself!

<babbling>

I can honestly say that this is the most presentable artistic endeavor I've ever undertaken.

I could have alphabetized the monsters, but I really like their current order. It's like a playlist. You read about the cute monkey and you're all like "What is this shit? Arnold's gone soft." and then BAM bone needle men. I reckon that if your players encountered them all in that order, it would maximize the FUN.

What would a Freudian analysis of my blog and pdfs discover? I think about the uterus a lot. (That's probably normal for a 26 year old anyway.) Many of my monsters are sad monsters; relatively few of them are angry ones. And maybe I have a vitamin deficiency or something.

There are surprisingly few reference photos if you google "two fairies fucking".

You can probably figure out what order a drew all of the pictures in if you think about it. I tried something different for every picture and most of them are powerfully mediocre (although the gretchling is beeeaaaauuutiful.)

I tried to make all of these usable, but seriously who is going to use the screaming eels?

</babbling>

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The Goblin Library

November 13, 2013, 2:10 pm

≫ Next: Armor and Inventory

≪ Previous: Taming the Mouse

In order to promote literacy, I wrote a couple of pdfs. They're books of monsters.

Both books have been slightly updated to versions 1.1. It's mostly styling bullshit that no one will ever notice, but I added a few paragraphs to the Book of Tigers and the Book of Mice got three new (minor) pieces of art. So now you can see what a popkin looks like. Yay!

Here are the downloads:

The Book of Tigers v1.1

The Book of Mice v1.1

This is where I'll put some notes on what I was thinking when I was writing.

A lot of the monsters have weird, over-thought attacks or gimmicks. I foolishly think that mechanics matter almost as much as the flavor. If you don't like them, discard them. Excising boring or complicated mechanics you don't like is a simple matter and doesn't affect the flavor much.

Usage and Design in the Book of Tigers:

Most of the creatures in the Book of Tigers would fit in a city as well as a dungeon. You can use them as randomly generated city encounters or subplots. The alabaster hound is a powerful gimmick monster, but it has the ability to let you start a session at the bottom of a dungeon with a map and universal amnesia.

The beast with 10,000 names is stupid idea that turned into a boss monster that annoys your players by being indescribable (just be sure to describe individual body parts, and don't worry if the descriptions conflict). Croclogons are the products of a flavorful summon spell, and give some interesting lore about the serpent people. And the antagonistic psychoplasm has the nice benefit of challenging parties at any level while being random as fuck.

Usage and Design in the Book of Mice:

Most of the creatures in the Book of Mice are 1HD critters or campsite threats. The jelly-john is both, and I love the idea of the players punching each other in the stomach. Fulgurite Elementals might be appropriate for lower level groups, due to their atrocious speed and inaccurate attacks (for a 10 HD monster). Flying clobstroks are designed to be nasty little bastards. Between their charge attacks and ability to grab faces, they've got a lot of fight for a 1 HD creature. They give ambiance to the cliffsides, by standing on ledges above the party and shrieking at them. When they finally mass up and attack, it shouldn't be a surprise.

I honestly have no idea how you'd use the screaming eels.

Gretchlings are designed to be even more pathetic than goblins. Your players might have fun playing with their new "gaze attacks" and scaring the poop out of the poor little things, but the situation can change fast if a 2 HD gretch shows up (perhaps with a grue or two). Your players light multiple torches, right?

The pink monkeys and their hotspring can be interesting tundra encounter that could involve fighting their protector (roll on the wandering monster table), stuffing monkeys into a sack, or just sitting in a sauna playing with some monkeys.

The bone needle men are meant to be the Horror on the bottom floor of a low-level dungeon. Their rattling forces parties to camp a mile from the dungeon, and gives them plenty of ominous foreshadowing. They have a weird damage mechanic that makes combat more chaotic, potentially threatening higher level characters, especially if paired with other monsters (recommended).

Tunnel snakes make ranger knowledge useful. You'll find popkins in NPC's purses, adding to the mayhem, and I'm sure the villagers will need help killing their giant maggot once it escapes the garbage pit.

Mayfly sprites are flavorful, but I'm not sure how they'd best be used. Maybe you need a favor from one somehow, or an item from the bottom of the pond? The bagmen are adorably incompetent (because not every monster you encounter needs to be an engine of destruction), and they have an interesting question attached: should we burn this thing alive?

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Armor and Inventory

November 13, 2013, 8:15 pm

≫ Next: Armor and Inventory Jr.

≪ Previous: The Goblin Library

You've already seen most of these rules in some form or another, but I wanted to write them all down here because GODDAMMIT encumbrance and helmet-scavenging don't have to be complex and they can even be fucking FUN.

Inventory

You have a number of inventory slots equal to your Strength score. So, if you have Str 13, you can carry 13 things. (This may seem low, but I don't like to think of adventurers clanking around like thrift stores or hoarding newspapers like old ladies. Leave the rolled-up paintings on the donkey.)

If this your inventory slots are exceeded by 1-5 items, you are halfway encumbered (you struggle to swim and move a little slower). If this number is exceeded by 6-10 items, you are fully encumbered (you sink like a stone and move at half speed). If you want to carry more than that, you're just staggering around, like a dude trying to carry all his groceries from the car in one trip.

A number of your inventory slots are fast inventory, equal to half of your Dexterity score. These are items that you can reach instantly--hanging from your belt, in a scabbard, whatever. Draw a box on your character sheet (top of the inventory, maybe) to indicate this. So, if you have Dex 11, you have 5 items that you can draw/use at a moments notice. Everything else is in your backpack, and takes 1d6 rounds to dig out, or 2d6 rounds if you want to avoid scattering shit all over the floor.

You can buy a fancy backpack that gives you +2 inventory slots, or you can buy a fancy bandoleer that gives you +1 fast inventory, but you can't wear both at the same time. Your players will be fighting over who gets the pocketed belt and it will be awesome.

Armor takes up slots equal to its contribution, so full plate (+6 AC) takes up a whopping six slots.

Huge items (i.e. polearms) take up two slots.

Bundled items (i.e. daggers) can be carried in bundles of three, and must be small enough that you could pick up a trio of them using only one hand.

Packs of items (i.e. potions or scrolls) can be carried in packs of ten, and must be small enough that you can pick ten of them using only one hand.

Armor

Light Armor (i.e. leather) give you +2 AC.

Heavy Armor (i.e. full plate) gives you +6 AC.

. . . Stats for medium armor are proprietary, and will be released in a later appendix.

Players can buy/handle armor in those terms, or they can deal with. . .

Modular armor is easy. Just assign a value to each piece of armor and let 'em add the pieces up. Since other factors are derived from the +AC total, a player can add and discard as much or as little armor as they want. These are just baselines.

Helmet +1 AC

Leather Jacket +1 AC

Plate Shirt (Breastplate) +2 AC

Steel Gauntlets +1 AC

Leather Pants +1 AC

Plate Pants +2 AC

I know I didn't put shoes on there, but I figure they give benefits that are useful but still not huge enough to warrant an AC improvement. Iron shoes let you run on caltrops but soft leather ones let you sneak. Any shoe at all will give you save when you step on horrible flesh-eating slime. So boots are worth wearing even though they don't give +AC.

Anything else, adjudicate. If your player wants an AC improvement from wearing wolf head pauldrons and a loincloth, practice saying yes. That's worth at least +1 AC. Just remember that no combination of normal, boring armor can exceed +6 AC. I recommend making leather very cheap, and plate shirts and pants very expensive.

Armor Penalties

If you have +3-4 AC, you are halfway encumbered (as above).

If you have +5 or more AC, you are fully encumbered (as above).

Magical bonuses don't count towards these penalties.

These penalties overlap (not stack) with the ones from carrying too much inventory.

Scavenging Armor

Since armor is now modular, scavenging it is likewise easy. But before you start trying on every snot-encrusted goblin helmet you find (holy crap I can't believe it fits you, you've got a seriously tiny head), it would be behoove you to learn about

Armor Quality

Crappy armor loses a point of AC whenever you take a critical hit. (It breaks.)

Average armor has a 50% chance to lose an point of AC when you take a critical hit.

Masterwork armor has a 1-in-6 chance to lose a point of AC when you take a critical hit.
Magic armor is masterwork armor that can't be damaged by normal stuff (only demons/magic swords.)

Most breaks and tears can be mended by a blacksmith.

This Picture I Found

Explain it to me.

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Armor and Inventory Jr.

November 14, 2013, 11:00 am

≫ Next: Brynth

≪ Previous: Armor and Inventory

Alright, wow. People are interested in inventory systems. (I'm so glad I'm not the only one.)

First, I probably should apologize. Yesterday's post was the synthesis of a dozen other brilliant inventory systems that I've seen and osmosed. And since attribution is important, thank you +Logan Knight +Brendan Strejcek +Jack Mack +Jack Shear +Thomas Fitzgerald +Erik Westmarch +Scrap Princess +James Raggi (and all the people I'm forgetting) for sharing my derangement for armor and inventory systems, and then writing about it. I'm sorry I didn't attempt to credit you all (although you can see why I didn't).

I also apologize in advance for if I ever write about weapons.

Alright, part 2. This is a continuation of THIS. Firstly and thusly, click this picture.

This is one way you can quickly, easily, and visibly mark off what inventory goes where. Buying ruled paper is optional if you don't want to feel like a high schooler. It's very clean, bold, and easy to read.

See how handy the handy bag of holding is? They come in bigger flavors, too.

Damaging Items

Acid, fire, and demon piss can all wreck your inventory if you insist on rolling around in them. Bigger monsters/exposures can ruin multiple items. (This is the "attack every part of the character sheet" philosophy.)

Which items get ruined? Just remember that fast items are more vulnerable (since they are in easy to reach places), especially the fast items lower down.

When you fall in acid, roll 2d8. If they show two different numbers, take the lower number and count up from the bottom of the fast inventory. The item that the count falls on is the one that is affected. If the item is immune to the damage (like fire hitting a metal sword) nothing happens.

If the 2d8 show the same number, it skips the fast inventory and goes straight to the the backpack (everything that isn't in the fast inventory is in the backpack). Take the number that was doubled and count upwards from the bottom of the backpack to find out what item is potentially affected. So if you rolled double 1s, the last item in your inventory would be affected. When counting this way, big items (polearms and armor) count as 1 item.

Inventory roll over is in effect here. If you continue counting past the backpack slots, you start counting into the fast inventory slots. If you count past the fast inventory slots, continue counting at the bottom of the backpack. Something is getting damaged, and you don't have to roll any more dice to figure out what.

Yes, this means that only the bottom eight items in your backpack are vulnerable. The other items are safely packed away in the middle of your pack.

Yes, this means that characters with 16 Dex can keep the topmost item in their fast inventory totally safe from fire/acid hazards, because they're quick enough to pull this most valuable item out of harm's way. Characters with 18 Dex can safeguard 2 items.

Example of Damaging Items Using the Example Inventory

The vorpal pig spits acid on the fighter. The DM tells the player to determine which item is damaged. The player rolls 2d8 and get 1,6. Counting 1 slot up from the bottom of the fighter's fast inventory, the player determines that the acid strikes the bag of caltrops. The bag weakens and then bursts, spilling caltrops all over the ground. Fuck.

The vorpal pig barfs another burning load on the fighter. Another damage-item roll, this time showing 6,6. Doubles, so it goes to the backpack instead of fast inventory. Counting from the bottom of the backpack, the 6th item up is the Bag of Holding, which then spills out of the backpack and dissolves, spilling a dead leprechaun and other shit out on the floor. That was pretty unlucky, and the fighter swears vengeance on the vorpal pig while the other players ask why he's still carrying the wedding dress.

Coins and Ammunition

10 pieces of arrows can form a pack, since you can pick them up with one hand. 3 sling stones form a bundle for the same reason. Quivers. . . I'm tempted to count as part of the backpack. You could just add a reinforced pocket on your backpack and stick some arrows in there.

How many coins are comparable to a sword or 10 arrows? Honestly, just pick your own number, but I like 300 coins (if they're the size of quarters). It's a challenge if they find a chest with 2000 copper coins it sucks, but have you every carried copper? Like wiring or something? Metal is heavy.

I also recommend not using the gold standard. Not only does the silver standard make finding gold more exciting, but it also makes it easy to carry around a king's ransom. If there are 20 gold coins to a silver and inventory space is tight, your players will be visiting the moneychangers (and enjoying their 10% conversion fee) and banks (good luck finding one that pays interest).

Or go whole hog and use +Thomas Fitzgerald's brutal copper standard. I imagine that they just trade pieces of dung when they need change for a copper.

Needless Clarifications

Halfway Encumbered = Move at 75% speed and make Strength checks to swim.
Fully Encumbered = Move at 50% speed and sink like a stone.
Over Encumbered = Stagger around like a doof. 25% speed and no actions.

Buying Fancy Gear

You can upgrade your starting backpack in any city:
Fancy Backpack = +2 inventory slots but doesn't work with the Fancy Pockets.
Fancy Pockets (belt/bandoleer/bra) = +1 fast inventory, but doesn't increase total inventory slots or work with the Fancy Backpack.

Items that combine or improve on the two items listed above are going to be either magic items made by the most practical-minded wizard ever, or ridiculous-looking prototypes with backpack gaskets and infundibular panniers. Either way, they're special items.

Bag of Holding = Takes up a slot. Has 5 slots inside.
Magic Codpiece of the Assassin = Take up a slot. Has 3 slots inside. If it's in a fast inventory slot, so are its items.

This Picture I Found

I understand it now.

Thanks for explaining it to me.

↧

Brynth

November 15, 2013, 6:27 pm

≫ Next: Balalang

≪ Previous: Armor and Inventory Jr.

Part of my plan to flesh out Centerra, the setting for the Land of Flowers. I can't show you the dungeons, but I can show you a few of the more relevant places around the Sea of Fish.

Brynth, the Land of Doglaw Nakedsword:

Brynth, and capitol city of Patra

History

While Noth is trying to set itself up as an empire, Brynth has already been there. They were formerly one of the capitols of Cheox, the greatest empire the world has ever known. The Cheoxan Empire were a bunch of assholes and slavers, and when a literal army of afner (halfling) assassins killed them all in the Eight Hour War, not a single fuck was given.

The Cheoxan Empire crumbled, except for Brynth. This is where they fled, all the leaders and retreating armies of the Empire. A bit like Nazis fleeing justice after the war, ashamed and universally reviled. Over the next forty years, pretty much every country in the world took a turn trying to conquer Brynth, and they all failed.

That was a little less than a hundred years ago. The slavers, despots, and generals have cooled down a lot since then, and the world is cool with them. More or less.

Afner (halflings) hate Brynth, as they suffered the most under the Empire and the wars that followed. Decades after Cheox fell, elite halfling soldiers were still sneaking into Brynth and kidnapping the former Cheox leadership. These old men were stuffed into boats, sailed back to halfling-controlled lands, where there were given an long public trial and then invariably executed.

Plus, modern Brynth is always meddling in foreign affairs. They can do this because (1) they're still dicks, politically, and (2) they're pretty badass. Despite being one of the smallest countries (Noth is more than ten times bigger, in land and population) they have the third-biggest army in the world.

Military

This is possible because Brynth has a rather draconian "army first" philosophy, called The Law of Iron. This means that the military is always the first priority in all considerations. This has lead to some friction with the farmers, and more than a couple of minor famines. There is no idle nobility or decadent kings in Brynth. There are idle admirals and decadent generals, but at least they usually carry a saber and sport a crew-cut.

Sickly or deformed babies are taken to the Church, and with the preacher apologizing to Heaven for the paltry sacrifice, the infant is strangled. Everyone serves at least 4 years in the army, and many stay for more, since the military is both the only means for advancement and the biggest social club in town.

Remember that every merchant you meet there is ex-military, and even the old wino in the alleyway has probably got a couple of kills under his belt. Everyone carries weapons, even the children, most commonly a handaxe or shortsword. Brynthans will tell you that this is why their country is the safest in the world. It's true, the crime rate is awfully low, but that has as much to do with their legal system (see below).

Warfare

Internationally, Brynth is known for fighting "naked wars". That's sort of an exaggeration. When an organized skirmish is fought between two Brynthic forces, they two sides sometimes strip down, paint themselves two different colors, and then charge into battle with only a short sword (in a scabbard), round shield, and a spear. The rationale is that this will equalize the effect of wealth (no expensive armor), allow more skilled fighters to triumph over lucky ones (disputable), reduce the number of wounded (technically true, since more wounds are fatal), and wrap up this messy rebellion sooner (true).

These naked skirmishes don't happen often, and high-ranking officers rarely take part in them (it's a young man's game), but they're part of the Brynthic stereotype. Plus, they make for some great artwork. A vista of bloodied dead, blue corpses piled in among the green ones, while in the foreground two heroes circle each other with spears.

You'll see this reflected in their public art, too. Brythans are fond of statues of muscular, naked warriors. You'll see them on street corners. But even the statue was originally made of pristine white marble, they'll have painted it some bright color. Bright crimson or electric yellow, oftentimes in patterns.

If the statue is of someone who is-or-will-become a general or admiral, they'll be depicted with a erection of a truly imperial caliber. It's a cultural thing. I won't go into it.

Pets

You won't go far in Patra before you see your first Brynthic Hound. These are huge dogs, the size of Great Danes, usually wearing armor, even if it is just a helmet and neck-guard. They are military killing machines with immaculate pedigree and training, but unlike other military killing machines with immaculate pedigree and training, these dogs are immortal.

Well, conditionally immortal. They need a certain type of tea every morning, or else they sicken quickly and die. This tea is made from the ceruz plant, and is commonly called by the same name. And of course, if you stab the dog in the heart, it will die, it's just that stabbing an armored warhound that's fought in 100 years of wars is a very daunting prospect.

These dogs are produced by the wizards of the Titansblood Academy. They accept a bunch of puppies every year, and after a year is about, a tiny fraction of the ceruzar (that's the breed) will be paraded as new Brynthic Warhounds (that's the immortal kind). Failure dogs are returned to their households, where they are loved significantly less than the immortal Hounds. The process probably doesn't work on people, or else we'd see immortal Brynthic Warlords, right?

The dogs are passed down through families like heirlooms, although they are sometimes pawned if the family falls on hard times. Although their owners will tell you differently, they aren't any smarter than normal dogs. They are powerful leapers that can kill a dozen armed men, but they also are fantastically loyal. They're even known for visiting their masters' graves. Go to a Brynthic graveyard, and you'll see several unattended killing machines laying in front of their last eight masters' graves, or howling together in lonesome synchronicity.

Immortality is lonely for a dog.

Perhaps for this reason, they love children. You'd be hard pressed to convince a Warhound to attack a child. Maybe this is because they're only ever trained to kill soldiers, but perhaps it is part of their nature, too. It's not uncommon to see the dogs walking around the city, wearing a necklace of flowers that a child made for it, or to see the Lieutenant's daughter riding it while giggling. For a dog that can wear fifty pounds of armor while running down archers, a four-year-old weighs nothing at all.

Culture

Brynth is both powerfully sexist and powerfully egalitarian at the same time. If your hair is short, you're a man, no matter what's between your legs. If your hair is long, you're a woman. End of story.

They know that this doesn't hold true in other countries, but show a heterosexual Brynthic man a beautiful woman with short hair and he'll struggle with arousal. Same for all genders.

Of course being a "man with short hair" doesn't automatically equate to respect. Until you've killed a few people, you'll be treated dismissively and with derision. "Women with long hair" have it even worse, disqualifying them from promotions (and voting). At best, they're treated like children. It's so bad that foreign women almost unanimously cut their hair short when visiting Brynth.

Homosexuality is totally fine, as long as the couple doesn't have the same haircut. Then it's gross.

Every family has a war shrine. Usually located in the dining room, this will be a small altar to Hesaya that doubles as a display case. Traditionally, every weapon or item on represents another kill, made by some member or ancestor.

If you want to get a present for a Brynthian, buy them a nice sword. I'm seriously. Even if you're just trying to get into their pants. A gift of a well-oiled, brand new sword is like intoxication for Brynthians. For this reason, well-oiled, brand new swords sell for a bit more than in other places. Shields and spears are also extremely appreciated, but the short sword is most traditional.

Without exception, they are vegetarians. They usually drink in moderation, and almost none of them smoke. They believe in all of that "healthy body, healthy mind" stuff. For this reason, fat people and skinny people are treated suspiciously. What kind of shady lifestyle are you part of that doesn't let you put on any honest muscle?

Brynthans are fond of three sports, which they practice at any opportunity. Footraces, wrestling, and bird-kicking. The bird is a wooden model that is tied to the ceiling by a string. 7' off the ground, 8' off the ground, 9' off the ground. . . Brynthians are great jumpers. The game is even more fun after a few skins of wine.

It is not at all considered strange or homosexual for a man to invite his friend over for dinner and a wrestling match. (Maybe you'll get to experience this after you make a gift of a sword. The Freudian implications alone are staggering.)

Brynthic music sucks. Everyone says so, even in Brynth.

Although everyone joins the military, you'll only be sent to the front lines if you have children to carry on your name. So if a Brynthian asks you if you have any children, she's really asking something else. If you say "no", she'll grunt and nod. It doesn't mean you're a coward, it just means she's not ruling it out.

Only one piece of jewelry is ever worn by Brynthians: torcs. The heavier the better. They're worn a semi-permanent basis, and they're only ever worn by civilians. So when the melee breaks out, you stand a better chance of looking like a civilian if you're wearing a torc.

Brynth has a few truly gargantuan lighthouses, which are public property and have equally huge gardens built around them, some of which are better described as "small forests full of statues".

Law

Technically, the Grand Commander and Ultimate Admiral lead the nation, leading to a great deal of. . . let's call it rivalry. . . between the army and the navy (in some places they behave like rival gangs). But since it's easy to get something put to a popular vote (that can override these two men) their law is not supreme.

Brynth is among the most democratic countries in the world. Every officer gets a vote, from corporal on up. Since officers are expected to be from the same neighborhood as his men, this usually translates into a halfway decent form of representation.

Companies that don't like their commanding officer can petition to have him removed. These petitions usually go through. If the petition fails, they can vote to begin volunteering for more dangerous missions, possibly even suicide missions (there are laws in place that enable this). The commanding officer usually gets the hint.

Brynth is also known the world over as having great logical minds and legal processes. When two countries broker an armistice, they have a Brynthic diplomat on hand as a consultant and witness. When great merchant houses make their biggest negotiations, the paper that they sign was written by a Brynthic notary.

Let's talk about lawyers.

In Brynth, there's only one punishment for serious crimes, trial by combat.

Of course, first they have a normal trial first. The judge hears the arguments (there is no jury) and decides on the terms of the combat. If the accused is obviously a murderer, then he begins the combat bound hand and foot. So the combat effectively becomes an execution. If two brothers both want the entire inheritance and are unwilling to compromise, they fight each other with equal weapons and and conditions.

There's an entire gradient between execution and duel, and the judges of Brynth use all of it in their rulings. What's more, ALL details of the combat are left up to the judge.

The judge might say, "Since one of you obviously drowned the Marten's baby, I sentence you both to fight to the death in a room that is filling with water. You may be armed with either a dried umbilical cord or a woman's steel comb, as is your preference. One innocent man will leave, or none at all."

The judge might say, "Since the accused might have stolen the rancher's cows, I sentence him to be turned into a cow for a fortnight by the mages of the Titansblood Academy, and he will live among the herd that he might have threatened. The rancher will be turned into a wolf for the same duration, and if the accused survives the trial, he is innocent."

The judge might say, "Since the crime was committed by surprise, so shall the judgement. I sentence you both to fight to the death using only these weapons provided. Now." And then the judge throws a sword and a small tree branch on the ground in front of the bench, and it's up to the defendant and his accuser to react fast enough to get the sword and kill his opponent on the floor of the courtroom.

The judge might say, "Since there is small small chance that the accused didn't steal from the fishmonger, I sentence the two to fight until surrender. The fishmonger shall be armed with full plate and a harpoon, while the accused shall be armed with only a frozen halibut."

I forgot to mention: when applicable, you'll fight naked and covered with paint.

Surprisingly, the judges aren't just pulling the sentences out of their ass. There is a long a detailed history of law and precedent they consult. That doesn't make it any less ridiculous, though, or any less popular among the spectators.

Lawyers in Brynth are called barristers (for no other reason except I needed a word for a badass lawyer). You only get to be a barrister after you kill a lot of people in wartime and then pass a pretty comprehensive oral exam where you're grilled on Brynthic law while other barristers take turns fighting you with sticks for 24 hours on a mountain top.

Barristers are both the legal representation for their clients (like the lawyers you are familiar with), and they are also licensed to fight in place of their clients when it comes to the combat stage of the trial. Because they are putting their neck on the line, barristers charge huge fees and are very picky about what trials they accept. Whether or not they take the case depends a lot on who the other barrister is.

Multiple people can be sentenced at once. The grand melee doesn't usually take place in the courtroom (although it might), and is more commonly performed in the arena or maybe a cage full of sleeping tigers whose drugs are wearing off.

The Land of Flowers

Remember when I said that Brynth is always meddling in world affairs? They're the nation that most interested in halting Nothic expansion. Maybe they just want another war, or maybe they don't want anyone raising an evil empire (having been down that road themselves). Maybe they just don't like the way that "the empire's colonies" rolls off the tongue.

They've set up a counter-fort on the other side of the island. Although they claim they're here to settle this unclaimed land now that it's been rediscovered, odds are good that they're just there to fuck with the Nothic settlers/looters.

Whatever the truth, they've brought a lot of soldiers, hounds, and lawyers.

↧

Balalang

November 25, 2013, 7:29 pm

≫ Next: OMFG Weapons

≪ Previous: Brynth

Religion, Loosely

Once there were many gods. There was Toranga-lusus, the god of creation and destruction, who created the world from the air and then destroys it with fire and waves. There was Boru-galalan, the god of war and peace, who created humans and animals to make war upon each other and then find peace. There was Mogo-vatika, the god of law and chaos, who gave us names and the madness of old age. Then there was Toa-Makakang, the god of fertility and starvation, who invented sex after one hundred years of confusion.

All of our gods had two names and two faces. Two genders and two domains. They are all dead now, but we still remember then.

When Toa-Makakang gave birth to the Leviathan, the sky was torn asunder and the stars fell to the earth. The earth spat venom, to kill the Leviathan, and from the cloud-mansions there issued lightning to strike the creature dead. Finally, all of the waters of the earth came and piled atop Balalang, to drown the Leviathan. We all drowned then.

But the Leviathan devoured the poison, and became venomous. Then it grew its ten-thousand triangular scales that rattle in the light, and the lightning slid off. Finally it swallowed all of the water of the oceans, and grew larger than any other thing.

Finally, it devoured the gods.

When it was done, it looked to the drowned people, and said to them, "You are drowned, and now you are nothing."

The drowned spirits replied, "We have died, O Leviathan, but please return us to life and we will be yours forever."

The Leviathan spoke, "I owe you nothing. Your own gods destroyed you. But I will do this thing that you ask, and you will be mine forever."

Those who were loyal to the Leviathan he restored to life, and placed on Balalang where we have lived ever since.

People, Loosely

We are the Balalangans, the People Who Once Drowned. For seven thousand times seven thousand cycles we have served the Leviathan, who we call by many names. Grandfather Count-the-Days. The Great Devourer. The Swallower of Whales.

We live and die, and when we die, we die by drowning, whether we drown in blood or phlegm, or by air upon our brains, we die. And when we die, we spend a lifetime as a dolphin. And when we die again, we return to life as humans.

This is how it has been for seven thousand times seven thousand cycles. A warrior dies and returns as a warrior. A king dies and returns as a king. No matter how the cycle is reshaped, the coward is always a coward, and the noble is always a noble. The servant is always a servant, and the thief is always a thief.

The people of Balalang do not dream, we remember. We remember the past, and we remember the future, because they are the same thing. I have married my wife thousands of times, and swam beside her in the sea as a dolphin. But in other lives, I have married the lover of my youth, or perhaps taken a second wife.

Culture, Loosely

When we sea a dolphin we kill it and eat it, in order to free our brother's spirit back into the world of men. We will go to great lengths to kill our brother dolphins free them from their pain. Similarly, sharp-toothed fish and sharks are the favored pets of the Leviathan, and we go to great lengths to avoid killing them.

We are whalers. You will see us on our black canoes, like long flat knives against the water. There is no profession more noble than whaling. Against big whales, we sometimes jump from the boat and drive our harpoons deep into the whales body. We are great jumpers, and do not burden ourselves with excess weight.

We hunt whales in imitation of the Leviathan, who we serve in all things. This is why we must eat a part of every creature that we kill. If the creature is poisonous, we must cook it or find a way to make it not so. If it is still poisonous, we will cook it and bake the ashes into a black bread.

Demons are always poisonous, and our magicians conjure them from the brains of octopi (who dream of mad and distant lands) and slay them. The demon corpses are then burnt and baked into black bread, which is where men get their magic from.

Women get their magic from the stars, because the moon, because their bodies and souls follow the tides.

We honor the Leviathan by bathing in the hot blood of sacrificed animals and by swallowing life fish. We comfort him by sailing out to a secret place that only we know, over very deep water, and binding a holy woman in heavy chains, and then throwing her overboard. The priests accompany her as she sinks, and perform final rites on her body as she descends into the abyss where the Leviathan dwells.

Mysteries, Loosely

During these dives, the priests are gone for several minutes, but it is said that in olden days, they descended for hours, and even entered the presence of the Leviathan.

The priests are divers and swimmers. The warriors can see long distances and jump great lengths. By these methods, a man may be recognized after he is reborn, and then reclassified according to caste. If a man cannot jump over three others, nor hold his breath for five minutes, he is a farmer, and if his farm fails, he becomes a slave of the priests'.

True kings and queens are not burned by hot coals, but they are usually accompanied by so many other miracles that it is usually not necessary.

We do not worship the Leviathan, but we honor him. When the priests tell us that the Leviathan requires us to go and kill men in distant places, we do so. The priests are usually obvious to find in any community, since their faces are always blacked by smoke from burning octopi.

We do not worship our dead gods, who drowned us, but we still call upon their spirits for miracles. Even in death, they have some small power.

This is how we implore one of the dead gods for a miracle: We carve a statue out of tan wood, and anoint it with fragrant oils so that it becomes a part of their body. Then we strike the statue with blades and insult it, and promise it greater pains if it does not comply. Since all gods have been devoured by the Leviathan, they feel pain and will perform the miracle out of fear.

Every town has a totem of their patron in the center, which is pissed upon and attacked with staves. Everyone curses the god as they pass it, and this is the proper way to behave towards a god, since they failed the world and died so pathetically. Even though gods have some power yet remaining, they dare not strike as us, who are protected by the Leviathan.

One day, one of us will kill the Leviathan, and cut our old gods from his belly, and make them our slaves. And so every generation, one or two warriors, veterans of hundreds of whale hunts, will go to the house of the Leviathan and do battle with him. The Leviathan always devours the warrior, but one day we will triumph.

There are petty demons and evil spirits everywhere. They attack those who are healthy and victorious. For this reason, when a child is born, the family cries, "What a wretched pup we have spawned! How ugly and sickly!" And when two Balalangans meet, they first spend some time complaining to each other of their health ailments, in case their are any demons nearby.

Because of the importance of eating, the traditional greeting is, "Have you eaten yet?" Anyone who visits the home of a Balalangan will be offered food. If they accept the first offer of food, they are either starving or very rude. It is only acceptable to accept an offer of food if it has been offered three times, or more.

The power of a person is stored in the crown of their head. If another person touches it, the power is stolen. For this reason, we cover our heads with cowls, only removing them for important moments when we need all of our power, such as warfare, whaling, ceremonies, and sex.

If another man touches you on the head during a fight, you must become his slave until you have earned back your power.

This is why we make shrunken heads of great warriors, or of our ancestors. We keep them in shrine houses and touch the crowns of their heads before important moments. Sometimes we even wear them on our belts, but still, a shrine is the proper place for them.

The Leviathan knows of this and agrees, for it is proper that the strong should devour the weak, and everything weakens with age. It doesn't matter how many cycles it will take, even if it should be seven thousand times seven thousand a thousand times. We will sharpen our harpoons and clean our muskets, and when we kill the Leviathan that we serve, we will eat him and never be hungry again.

Closing Thoughts

Don't think of them as mud-dwelling savages. These are primitive people who have felt the touch of colonialism. A generation ago they might have lived in huts and carved canoed with stones, but now they have steel and stolen guns, from which shrunken heads and other fetishes dangle. Their church is an actual church, but the crucifix is made from harpoons bound together with tanned man-leather, and a pair of tiny sharks circle in the baptismal font.

Other Shit

This is made for +Richard G's Post-Colonial Heistcrawl, which is sort of a brilliant-weirdgood combustion of 1600's colonialism in southeast Asia and all sorts of buffet-style madness. If you are curious, there's a good chance that you're about to click this link to find out more.

I sort of want Balalang to be a distant part of the Philippines, but I also wanted to write this idea-wad before actually reading anything about the Philippines. So here you go. I don't know anything about the Philippines, so I suspect that Balalang will see some tweaks and alterations before it is actually implemented, either on my end or on Richard's. I have a lot of reading to do, but at least I already have a list of interesting foods. Also knives!

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OMFG Weapons

November 26, 2013, 6:03 am

≫ Next: Map of Centerra

≪ Previous: Balalang

This is another post where I owe a lot to all the other rulesets that I've read and quietly assimilated. Thank you +Wil McKinnee +Brendan S +Logan Knight +Jeff Russell +Paolo Greco and honestly like five other people that I'm forgetting.

Your blogs and discussions have guided the sulci of my misshaped brain into more potent configurations.

Weapons

Any adventurer is proficient with any weapon (except for really weird ones or improvised ones).

There are three kinds of weapons.

Quick: This includes daggers, small clubs, and pistols (if you use 'em). Little one-handed stuff. Quick weapons deal 1d6 damage. This is not modified by STR. Most can be thrown with a 10' range. You add your DEX mod to attack rolls. Additionally, daggers can be used while grappling or swallowed, and small clubs can deal non-lethal damage without any penalty (normal weapons get -2 to hit if used to attack non-lethally).

Balanced: This includes swords, maces, axes. Also 2-handed staffs. Big one-handed stuff. Shields count as Balanced weapons when you attack with them, but they also get -2 to hit. Spears can be thrown. Balanced Weapons deal 1d6 damage, modified by STR bonuses if it's a melee weapon. You add your DEX OR STR mod to attack rolls.

Powerful: This includes greatswords, long spears, giant hammers. Huge two-handers. Powerful Weapons deal 1d8 damage, modified by STR bonus. You add your STR mod to attack rolls. Reach weapons let you attack over your ally's back, from the second rank, and also let you ready an attack against a charge, letting you make an automatic attack roll against a charging enemy before they reach you.

Bowsdeal 1d6 damage and let you add your STR mod, but crossbowsdeal 1d8 damage. Firearms are expensive, loud, unreliable, and rare, (think of them as magic wands that anyone can use) but pistols do 1d6 damage and rifles deal 1d10, and each bullet fired (including the first bullet) gives +1 to hit and +1 to damage, up to the magazine capacity of the gun (still only one attack roll, though). Ranged weapons can fire up to 10x their range increment (usually 20'), but they get a -4 penalty for every range increment beyond the first. You add your DEX mod to attack rolls.

Thrown weapons can be thrown up to 5x their range increment (usually 10'), but get a -4 penalty for every range increment beyond the first. You add your DEX mod to attack rolls.

Improvised Weapons like shields and frying pans all get -2 to hit, but otherwise function like whatever weapon category they are most similar to. Unarmed attacks are Improvised Weapons that deal 1d4 damage (no modifiers) that is always non-lethal.

It takes a negligible amount of time to draw a weapon from fast inventory, except for Powerful weapons and then it doesn't matter because you're walking around with them in your hands anyway. There no scabbard for a halberd. However, sheathing stuff usually requires an action.

Normal weapons don't work underwater unless they're piercing weapons (you can thrust with them), and even those get -2 to hit.

As long are you are holding a weapon (even a dagger or a stewpot) you get +1 to AC.

Design Notes:

Since strength doesn't affect quick weapon damage, weak characters with negative strength modifiers are actually better off with a dagger than with a sword. Neat. I know bows are built around a certain pull strength but fuck it.

Ranged Weapon penalties for firing at big ranges is harsh, as it should be. Note that archers can still hit groupsof people at 200', they just can't hit individual ones.

The Held Weapon AC rule is sort of a compromise between LotFP base 12 AC and other systems' base 10 AC. It also gives a player another good reason to avoid fighting unarmed, and helps reflect that even a stick can help you defend yourself. Using this, a player with full plate and a shield will have 18 AC. . . yeah, that feels about right.

Your Offhand

An Empty Handcan be useful. It lets you catch thrown things and use items from your Fast Inventory, among other things.

Torches need no explaining.

Two-Handed Weapon Grip does +1 damage. Powerful Weapons require this, and therefore do 1d8+1 damage (plus Strength bonus, if applicable).

A Paired Weapongives +1 to hit. This is either a dagger or a matching 1-handed weapon.

Shields give you +1 to AC.

You've seen these rules a dozen times elsewhere, I'm sure.

Weapon Breakage and Decay

Whenever you roll a natural 1 on an attack roll, you get a Ding on the weapon.

Whenever you get a Ding on a weapon, look at the damage roll (just the naked roll; don't add any mods). If the damage roll is less than the number of Dings, the weapon gets a Break. (Any Dings remain.)

Whenever you get a Break, the weapon gets -1 to hit and does -1 damage. However, firearms become unusable as soon as they get their first Break.

After one or two Breaks, you're better off using an improvised weapon or even a crappy goblin sword or something.

Weapons can be repaired. Give it a baseline of, say, 1gp for a Ding and 10gp for Break? It'll take a couple of days, though. Keep track of Dings and Breaks by writing little “X”s and “-1”s beside your weapon.

Shitty Weaponsget a Break whenenever you roll a natural 1 (all Dings become Breaks).

Masterwork Weaponsonly get a Ding if the damage roll is an odd number.

Magic Weaponsare masterwork weapons that only get damaged when fighting demons, dragons, and other epic shit. However, they can only be repaired by equally epic blacksmiths.

Design Note.

This is the fastest way I can think of to model weapon damage with the least work. It doesn't introduce any additional rolls, and keeps an element of chance, while at the same time, the first Ding never leads to a Break, so players always get a warning before the tip snaps off their favorite sword.

Weapon Mastery

This is a thing that only Fighters can do. With a specific weapon, (like sword serial number 283743) you must begin keeping track of your kills. This uses up one of your skill slots. Once you achieve a certain number of killing blows against challenging opponents. You get a degree of mastery with the weapon.

10 kills give you +1 damage with the weapon.

30 kills let you use a weapon's fightmasterability (see below).

100 kills give you an additional +1 damage with the weapon.

This incentivization means that fighters will be aggressively practicing with weapons that they want to master, and fishing for killing blows. I like to keep a strict cap on damage inflation, and this is the only way for a fighter to model swifter lethality compared to a thief, short of a magic weapon. I'm also a fan of uncoupling player advancement from the strict XP/Level system when possible. Also, tracking kills is fun! So hopefully the fighter won't mind tracking the number of kills they get with each weapon, and other classes won't even have to bother with it.

Fightmaster Abilities

Fighters get additional bonuses from using weapons. The following stuff applies to fighters only, and only once they've gotten 30 kills with that unique weapon.

Swords get +1 to hit humanoids.

Axes do x3 damage rolled on a critical (instead of just doing max damage)

Bludgeons do x2 damage to prone creatures, and little flat creatures, like snakes and small turtles.

Flails ignore shields and automatically give armor a Break when they do 6 or more damage.

Staffs give you +1 to AC when wielded defensively*, and can be used like any class of weapon (quick, balanced, or powerful).

StabbyPolearms(spears, lances) let you deal 2x damage on a charge or when readied against a charge. (Other polearms function as swords or axes with reach. Glaives are like swords and halberds are like axes, for example.)

Shields ignore the -2 penalty to hit for non-proficiency (they become proficient in it). If you've killed 30 dudes with a shield, you can wield it as well as a rookie wields a sword.

Thrown Weapons and Ranged Weapons let you reduce all range penalties by 4 points (effectively doubling the range at which you have no penalty).

Design Note:

Weapons are designed to tempt a fighter into carrying one of each kind. Swords are good against orcs or in duels. Daggers are pretty essential. Axes are a good multipurpose weapon, but are unreliable. Big bludgeons are good if teamwork is employed and possible, and are balanced by the fact that it usually takes an ally an action to trip an opponent. Flails are good for bad guys (as they should be!) because they will absolutely shred your PC's armor. Sneaky types might want a small club to knock people out. Staffs are versatile, and can be good for fighter-caster types. Polearms have their niche, as always, and shields have their place, as well.

So while the other dudes are content with a sword and a dagger, the fighter has an incentive to hang a few more weapons on his belt. Also remember that some monsters are vulnerable/resistant to other damage types (bludgeoning/slashing/piercing).

I've tried to give each class slightly different mechanics to play with, and this is what the Fighters get.

In some cases historical usage has been sacrificed at the altar of convenience. Apologies.

I know that some of these mechanics yield fiddly little +1 to attack/damage shit (which is usually the least interesting and significant of all proposed rules) but for main weapons the player will only have to calculate it once, and then the significance of that +1 will be magnified across hundreds of uses.

Attack Options

Available to anyone. I'll do grappling/tricky shit in another post; this one is already too long.

AttackAggressively: +1 to hit, -2 to AC

AttackDefensively: +1 to AC, -2 to hit

Total Defense: +2 to AC, make no attacks.

Magic Weapons

Firearms are basically magic weapons, even though they aren't magic. Even though they're loud, rare, and unreliable, they're still better than most other weapons. Lots of demons have auras that prevent combustion, though, which stops engines, torches, and guns.

Most magic weapons (+1 to hit and/or damage) are just non-magical weapons that have been made with exquisite craftsmanship from exotic materials. Adamantine, chargale, alabaster black, tectoric materium, moon spittle, etc. So they aren't really "magic" weapons, I guess.

True magic weapons are made by legendary blacksmiths possessed by demons or angels, immediately before their deaths. You'll probably never find one.

↧

Map of Centerra

November 28, 2013, 9:43 pm

≫ Next: Encounters on the Sea of Fish

≪ Previous: OMFG Weapons

I like maps. Not everyone does, and that's cool. Have you ever looked at all the different types of projections there are? Doesn't Cahill's butterfly map look sweet? Have you ever seen anything as beautiful as the Mississippi's meander maps? Or the reductionist perfection of a good subway map?

Here's the 15th version of my map of Centerra (one of my settings). Every place on the map has at least a couple paragraphs for it (even if they're not technically written down) and many places have a couple of pages. I also have about a half-dozen detail maps at 3x or 4x magnification of all the little interesting bits and bobs that look more interesting up close.

It's just a functional map. Something I can edit easily, and without any adornments. It's tough to see on small monitors, but if you're curious enough to zoom in, there's a lot of stuff down there.

Originally it was just a map of North America that had been flipped left to right. Here's an early map. You can sort of pick out Florida and the pseudo-Caribbean on the left side. You can also learn how fickle I am with naming stuff. I eventually rotated it 180 degrees.

I've put some thought into weather patterns and ocean currents even though I know they don't matter. I just have a fetish for maps, especially coastlines. Some coastlines I'll redraw a dozen times because I'm striving for some undefined naturalistic look even though the process that produced the coastline (me) is completely deliberate. Sometimes I don't even try. Are those supposed to be fjords way down there in the snow? Jeez.

I try to remind myself that the map is just a set of hooks upon which to hang interesting things. It's a tablecloth, not the meal. It's a self-indulgent exercise, and it isn't important because my players will never know or care what the world map looks like. But I keep editing it. I'll add an island when I can't find anywhere else to fit a new piece, or I'll redraw some coastlines when I can't sleep.

I can look at this map and remember the breakup that drove me to redraw the Meltherian peninsula. When I redid the inner sea, I was living on a couch, and I can feel that scratchy floral pattern mirrored on the Abasinian coast. A lost summer of narcissism.

Maybe it's like fucking around with that '73 Mustang in your driveway. You'll improve it and you'll get it running, but most of its value lies in its status as a work in progress. Some people knit. Some people whittle. I fuck around with a map of an imaginary continent.

Probably a good reason to never publish, huh? Then it'll be set in stone, the tinkering will be done, and I might as well be dead.

↧

Encounters on the Sea of Fish

November 30, 2013, 1:59 pm

≫ Next: Twelve Pirates

≪ Previous: Map of Centerra

Because I want to eventually put together a Land of Flowers campaign, I probably need some tables for the Sea of Fish, which you'll probably be sailing back and forth across to reach the Land of Flowers. It's a big, subtropical sea comparable to the Caribbean, and full of interesting shit.

You'll forgive me if I don't detail the dangerous sea creatures too much. I don't want to ruin the surprise. (You think you know what an octopus monkey is? You have no idea what an octopus monkey is.)

The one exception is the Kraken, because if you run into the Kraken, all the metagame knowledge in the world won't affect the outcome. So I guess I can tell you about him.

Encounters on the Open Ocean
After every X days of sailing, roll a d6.

1 Harmless sea creatures
2 Dangerous sea creatures
3 Other ship
4-6 No encounter

Harmless Sea Creatures

1 Dolphins
2 Flying fish
3 Sea gulls or other birds
4 Whales
5 Wild shangrayl
(migrating herd of giant sea slugs (think manatees) that make fart sounds with their mouths)
6 Island turtle (zaratan)
(usually covered with the weird plants and animals that can survive it's infrequent dives)
7 Island jellyfish (zaraphora)
(nice place, but don't go into the water or pop the balloon-mountain-floatation device)
8 Island tree (pelagic dendriculi)
(more like a loose raft of floating banyans, leaves adjust for the wind, flat roots paddle the water)
9 Glowing jellyfish river
(huge phosphorescent flocks, resemble a glowing river at night, said to lead to treasure)
10 Roamy grizzlewisps
(Sort of like paper-thin balloons in the shapes of bears, eating plankton from the surface)
11 Vegnasnicken
(Huge migratory sea snakes that take naps on deck, harmless only if not annoyed or woken up)
12 Floating forest (tend to be populated, roll 3x for other encounters)
(Floating kelp trees use flammable gas balloons to lift their fronds nearer to the sun)

Dangerous Ocean Creature Disposition

1 Mating
2 Just passing through (migrating or following the boat)
3 Fighting or eating (but will otherwise ignore you)
1 Harmless Sea Creatures
2 Dangerous Sea Creature (roll again)
3 Another Ship (roll on random ship encounters)
4 Hunting something else, but will happily hunt you as well
5 Hunting Happily
6 Hunting Desperately

Dangerous Ocean Creatures

1 Sharks
2 Flying Sharks
3 Giant Shark OMG
2 Giant Jellyfish People
3 Sea Striders
4 Dire Pelicans
5 Tiger Seals
6 Memory Fog
1 Carnival
2 Tragedy
3 Mutiny
4 The Ship Is Sinking
7 Ballistafish
8 Octopus Monkeys
9 Barnacle King
10 Saltwater Yetis
11 Razor Rays
12 Phantom Mantas
13 Iceberg Elemental (probably dying, if not in a cold region)
14 Brine Slime
15 Hungry Fungus Field
16 Fleshgrinder Deathslug
17 Holocaust Wisps
18 Otterworms (25% mostly curious)
19 Cumulonictus
20 Bad news. . .
1 Rogue Zaddhu
2 Corpiculata Infectatus (terminal stage)
3 Leviathan
1 Serpentine
2 Fusiform
3 Insectile
4 Mantaform
4 The Kraken
1 Ignores you
2 Curiosity
3 Devours everyone

I'll do Other Ships in a separate post. Merchants, pirates, poets, madmen, etc.

The Kraken

Not a species, but a singular creature. Most believe it to be a creature older than all of history, a servant of gods that have been dead for millions of years. It has a brilliant mind, although it does not and cannot ever understand language. But it's better known for it's impossible capacity for emotions.

Those who communicate with it magically, report loneliness and frustration beyond that of any human capacity to feel. In the same way that a creature may be much, much more intelligent than another, the kraken is capable of much, much more emotion than any other creature on the planet. A hyper-intelligent creature is called a genius, but there is no comparative word for a hyper-emotional creature. There is only the Kraken.

Compared to the Kraken, the rest of the world experiences life though a fog of blunt apathy. When it is happy, it is happier than the rest of the world could ever be. When it suffers, it suffers more than the rest of the world could ever suffer.

Its body is that of a huge squid, smooth and completely unblemished. It regards the world through eyes the size of wagon wheels. It can change its color freely, but is most usually red, black, purple, or blue. It has been described as "calming in its perfection and symmetry, though terrifying in its actions".

The Kraken prefers to swim though distant oceans, hunting whales visiting the poles. On the ocean floor, it visits dead cities, sifting through the silt and reexamaining the detritus, like an elephant handling the bones of a dead parent.

Humans usually only have a few types of experiences with it.

The Kraken may sometimes be seen, swimming along the surface of the open ocean, on its way to some distant locale.

The Kraken sometimes swims into the harbor of a city and spends several days observing the inhabitants with its huge eyes. Cities that dare attack it are usually destroyed (or at least, all of the parts of the city within 200' of the water). Sometimes it leaves recovered artifacts on the docks.

It sometimes approaches ships at sea out of a sense of curiosity (although our language is insufficient to describe (or even understand) its emotions and motivations). It usually tears the deck off the ship and then examines the cargo and crew. Creatures and crates will be picked up and examined. The kraken has powers over flesh, and creatures will mutate powerfully and instantly in its grip. Some of these mutants seem to displease the Kraken, and will be torn apart instantly. Others will be returned to the ship or the ocean, depending on whichever environment it is more suited for. No one knows what the Kraken hopes to accomplish by this, but empaths that have read the Kraken's emotions at this time report that it "sighs" after every failed attempt.

↧

Twelve Pirates

December 1, 2013, 9:47 am

≫ Next: Six Pirates and a Bird

≪ Previous: Encounters on the Sea of Fish

Still working on the Land of Flowers. It's gonna involve sailing, and the best part about writing encounter charts for sailing is the pirates, obviously.

You know how people are always calling pirates Foobeard or Plunderbeard and shit? Centerra has a similar convention. Boy pirates often take the name of Jack, and lady pirates often take the name of Jane. It's common enough that "jacks and janes" usually refers to a pirate crew, but the captains rename themselves so its totally literal for them.

I've included their ethnicity. A lot of them are marinel, because they're the seafaringest race.

Twelve Pirates

1. Onion Jack

An Afner (halfling) famous for his accurate slingshot, enormous ballista, and tendency to boil unpleasant people in oil. He values ignorance above all things, and is fond of saying that nothing in books compares to the experience of life. He is kind to children and cruel to scholars. His ship is The Golden Bee and his flagis an onion.

2. Prickleback Jack

A darklander famous for his long dreadlocks, each one stiffened with fats and tipped with a different blade. He fights with a hooked pike and his battlecries can carry over a mile of water. He never travels with a few barrels of mosquito larva, his favorite food. His ship is The Dancing Bear and his flag is a hedgehog.

3. Jack Mox

A former slave, Jack Mox is an pale man (Gilean) in pale clothing, known for his extreme cruelty to slavers and their ilk. He's known for his bizarre speeches on democracy, free enterprise, and the cure for slavery (wealth). His ship is The Liberator and hisflag is a pair of manacles around a diamond.

4. Jack the Moonbeam

A bisexual and hopeless drunkard (Marinel), there is a 50% chance at any time that he is unconscious in his hammock. While awake, he is a powerful magic-user. His favorite tactic is to bewitch his opponents, forcing them to jump into the water where a trio of charmed sharks circle. His ship is The Urchin's Revenge and his flag is a crescent moon beneath the waves.

5. Kill Again Jack

A pirate with a lame gimmick. He first time he runs into you, he lets you go. The second time he runs into you, he kills you. He's a huge, blackish man (Lassic) who has lost a hand. In combat, he fights with a held harpoon and a bolted on axe. He's an idiot, but he's a dangerous idiot who fears being made a fool of. His ship is called The Devil's Tooth and his flag is a pair of skulls, one smiling, one frowning.

6. Lightning Jack

An exceptionally lanky man (Marinel), he is exceptionally proud of his long ponytail, ringed with gold bands and seashells. He prides himself the best swordsman on the ocean, and loves dueling and whoring. He is involved in a back-and-forth with the Patriarch of the Church, and the two men are constantly exchanging angry letters. His ship is The Firestarterand his flag is a trio of lightning bolts.

7. The Invisible Prince

He's permanently invisible as a result of some adventure he went on in his youth. Following theme, his ship is small and camouflaged. He walks around deck naked, or wearing an enormous hat. Many are hunting him, hoping to learn the secret of invisibility. This has made him famously paranoid, and he has developed several verbal tics from the stress. His ship is The Lacuna and his flag is a black rectangle with a hole cut in the center.

8. Djanza-Town Jane

She's a tiny (4'9”) woman from Djanza Town (Bashani). She's a passionate pirate known to be afraid of ghosts. She is impatient, imperious, and has a lover in every port. In fact, her numerous boyfriends may be a bigger problem than herself. She carries a crossbow, a rapier, a magic throwing needle (1d4 damage and never misses), a garrote, knock-out gas ampules, numerous poisoned rings, and a half-dozen daggers. Her ship is The Cure for Honestyand her flag is a flaming skull with dice for eyes.

9. Churchdoor Jane

She's a huge (6'1”) woman from Kaskala (Lassic). She's a widow and a devout Hesayan (although a believer in the Pirate Heresy) and hates Noth for the conquest of her own homeland. She sleeps atop a pair of mattresses atop a church door. She has a complicated backstory, and believes that she would be a saint were it not for corruption within the church. Her ship is The Heavenly Vessel and her flag is Hesaya's holy symbol beside an inverted one.

10. Carvanu the Nine-Eyes

A woman (Bashani) from the desert nation of Abasinia. She wears a tall white hat and cape. She has had a bracket mounted to her skull that she uses to attach a dazzling array of telescopes and lenses. She is a crack shot with the crossbow and the ballista, and is always hunting for trophies to bring back to her family in Nalta, although rumors say that she is actually a sludge vampire. Her ship is The Handsome Devil and her flag is a 3x3 grid of eyes.

11. Iggy the Freak

She (Marinel) has the most fearsome hair on the Sea of Fish. Her boat is painted neon colors, as is her body. Her brilliantly-hued crew contains members of every race, including a Lykorian (sort of a race of 7' tall wookie intellectuals with no visible faces, survivors of a sunken city). Her crew indulges in all sorts of depravities; beginning with everyone as a singular color and concluding with every sailor a rainbow. Her catamaran is the fastest thing on the sea. Her ship is called TheVicious Circle and her flag is a unicorn.

12. Calico Kill

Captain Kill (Marinel) is the Pirate Queen. The bounty on her head is worth a king's ransom, and she practices piracy with absolute impunity. She has a small fleet of eight other ships. She has survived a hanging and two other near-death experiences, and it is said that the Kraken owes her a favor. Her ship is TheCat's Paw and her flag is a dead bird.

↧

Six Pirates and a Bird

December 1, 2013, 11:28 am

≫ Next: Statistical Weight

≪ Previous: Twelve Pirates

Six more pirates to go with the last twelve.

13. Queen Zio Zalavendi

Rumored to be an actual queen from the darklands, Queen Zio is a darklander, and is said to be beautiful in the darklander way (teeth dyed black and filed to points, elegant pink scars framing her eyes, constantly erect nipples). Her ship is a worm-rigged galleon with a worm stable beneath the waterline. It's 50'-long otterworms can pull the ship through doldrums or they can be mounted by her crew to form sea-cavalry. She has a small fleet of three other ships, and has a terrific rivalry with Captain Calico Kill, the self-professed “Pirate Queen”. It's rare for the pirates to hold court without one trying to kill another. Her ship is The Ulula and her flag is a double-ended trident.

14. The Green Lady

She (it) is a sludge vampire. That's all you really need to know about her. Her ship's masthead is the head and shoulders of a taxidermied elephant (that she supposedly drained herself). She is fantastically beautiful (shapeshifters always are) and dabbles in poisons and alchemies belowdecks. Many of the multi-colored gases are highly toxic, and so are vented through the masts, which are hollow. Her ship is The Lucky Gardener(referencing a well-known dirty joke) and her flag is an elephant's head.

15. Muromar “Murder” Redhand

An imposing man (Bashani), Muromar was a highwayman who originally turned to piracy in order to escape pursuit. His ship was stolen from the Church of Hesaya, who desperately wants it recovered. It is an ironclad, and is powered by both sails (when the wind is good) and a pair of holy golems (when the wind isn't). Ol' Murder is in his fifties now, and in battle he wears a suit of golden fullplate studded with gems—most of his fortune. If he ever fell overboard, he would sink like a stone, but the vast fortune attached to him means that few people are willing to do it. Even his enemies have saved his life in order to save his fortune. His ship has been renamed The Adamantine Ogreand his flag is an open gauntlet holding a coin.

16. Long-eared Jack

He is an elf! (Elves are almost as rare as true humans, so this is a big deal.) He is fond of raiding wizard's for their apprentices, and his ship is impregnated with dozens of subtle enchantments. It appears to be made of spun sugar and leaves pale “footprints” in its wake. Hundreds of elven ashakka hover in the air around the ship (coke can-sized pieces of wood used as foci for spells), and it is even said that he can summon demons or direct leviathans to attack his enemies. His ship is called The End of Summer and his flag is a long red pennant bisected by a white line.

17. Casma and Aslo

They are a pair of twins (Meduran), one male and one female. And except for Casma's green eyeshadow, they look exactly the same. They stole their ship from a powerful merchant prince in Kathar and escaped to the open ocean. The ship is a landship, and sails equally well over water as it does over land. Although it is not fast, this is still a huge advantage. They are both inveterate gamblers, and love to make bets with their prey, their hunters, each other, and absolutely everyone. Their crew is mostly dwarves. Their ship is called The Flying Trilobiteand their flag is a black mountain rising out of a cloud.

18. Painkiller Jane

A Nothic woman (Gilean) who has decorated her fast frigate with wrought iron and lanterns. Rumor has it that she used to be a doctor (she has a doctor's tattoo beneath her eye, a wren). They also say that she feels no pain or emotions. They also say that the map tattooed on her back will lead to a cursed island where she buried her heart. She uses poisonous gases extensively, and her crew wear gas masks. She is also dabbles in magic, and can strobe her lanterns, causing confusion in her enemies. A surgeonbird perches obediently on her shoulder. Her ship is called The Heartless Beastand her flag is a skeleton upon a rack.

Surgeonbirds

Surgeonbirds are small, hummingbird-like avians that fulfill the same ecological niche as mosquitoes. They are about the size of a man's fist, plus wings, and they must feed on blood to survive (although they supplement their diet with fruit and nectar at times). Unlike hummingbirds they are a glossy black color with only a few white feathers that ring their large eyes, giving them a sort of owlish face (they are similarly nocturnal). They are a common pest in certain areas, like the salt swamps. They are especially known for plaguing herds of cattle--a flock of surgeonbirds can leave a hundred cows anemic and half-dead if nothing is done about them.

Surgeonbirds have long, needle-like beaks that they use to draw blood from their prey. Like mosquitoes, surgeonbirds also have an anesthetizing substance: their tears. Surgeonbirds weep onto the skin of their prey in order to make it numb by letting the tears run down their beaks. They hover while feeding. Surgeonbirds can easily suck a couple of ounces of blood from a human. If a sleeping human gets several bites in the night, they may wake up feeling faint and weak. Consecutive nights will easily kill a man.

Poets love them.

In the wild, surgeonbirds can grow to be quite large (perhaps the size of two large fists). Larger surgeonbirds can move faster than younger ones, and sometimes flocks containing many larger surgeonbirds will not bother with stealth or anesthesia, but rather mob the unfortunate victim en masse, all simultaneously distracting their prey while other birds seize opportunities to dash in, draw a quick pull of blood with their stilletto-like beak, and leave the prey to bleed. If the prey cannot quickly escape or find a way to deter the flock of ravenous surgeonbirds, the prey may find itself quickly dying from dozens of tiny puncture wounds. Surgeonbirds have no aversion to drinking spilled blood.

Back in civilization, surgeonbirds are often used by doctors, in order to take advantage of the known advantages of controlled bloodletting. The surgeonbirds that doctors use are small and well-trained to ensure that no discomfort comes to the patient. Surgeons also use the birds to provide local anesthesia for minor surgeries. In Asria and Meltheria, doctors sometimes carry a surgeonbird in the head of their staffs, which has a sort of miniature birdcage attached to it. In fact, during times of plague, doctors along the eastern coast traditionally wear plague masks that resemble the heads of surgeonbirds. These plague masks operate on the known principle that plagues spread through bad air, and by breathing through the perfumed beak, a doctor may be spared the infection.

↧

Statistical Weight

December 2, 2013, 12:38 pm

≫ Next: The Abominable Island

≪ Previous: Six Pirates and a Bird

One big difference from old school DnD and younger forms is the weight that it gives stats.

That is: how much STUFF does the Intelligence stat actually do in your system of choice? How many pieces of the mechanics does your Strength stat touch? Obviously, the trend through different editions of DnD has been for stats to carry more and more weight. But why?

This is sort of a complicated question, and it lies at the heart of the different design philosophies. Here's a pie chart for credibility.

When you give ability scores more weight, you make them a lot more important. This makes characters more stat-dependent (instead of class-dependent, feat-dependent, or maybe even player-skill-dependent).

Games that have "heavy stats" differentiate MORE between the Fighter with 11 Strength and the Fighter with 15 Strength. Games with "light stats" might treat the two fighters more similarly, or they might differentiate between them in other ways.

This funnels DIRECTLY into how the players approach the game.

Games with "heavy stats" tend to offer (and require) methods of generating stats that give more consistent stats and more freedom to arrange them however you like. I'm not just talking about DnD, but that will be my example because that's what I'm most familiar with.

In 4th edition, a Level 1 Dragonborn Paladin might have stats (default array, racial bonuses) will have stats that look like 18 Str, 13 Dex, 12 Con, 10 Int, 11 Wis, 16 Cha. He is a hero BECAUSE of his excellent ability scores, and he excels because he is born awesome.

In 1st edition, a Level 1 Human Thief might have stats (artificial 3d6) that look like 7 Str, 14 Dex, 9 Con, 10 Int, 8 Wis, 12 Cha. He is a hero DESPITE his average ability scores, and because he learned to be awesome through experience.

Compare these two things:

1. Heals hp equal to Charisma modifier * class level. (ability scores carry a lot of weight)
2. Heals hp equal to 2 * class level rounds. (ability scores don't carry any weight)

Why choose one over the other?

When designing a class for 3.5 edition (for example), there's an unspoken sense that "characters who have the higher appropriate ability score should be better at class features than ones that don't". It makes sense, on it's own level. After all, that's where INDIVIDUALIZATION and CUSTOMIZATION come from, right?

The problem with that, though, is that stats become so important that the effective character builds tend to cluster around narrow builds, removing the customization that it tries to encourage.

Using a 4d6-drop-lowest during chargen has a smaller standard of deviation than 3d6. You're removing randomness when you use a 4d6-drop-lowest. You're creating more homogenous characters, not more vibrant ones.

I'm not trying to bash 3.5. There's are advantages to have a system where the stats carry a lot of weight.

-Technically, more variation is possible.

-If you want to have a system where you can easily generate super-powered characters using the same system, a "heavy stat" system can be advantageous. It's easy to stat up a level 1 Hercules--just give a level 1 Fighter a Strength of 30 and watch all of the other numbers on the character sheet adjust automatically. (On the downside, you might struggle with figuring out what adventures are most appropriate for a level 1 Hercules.)

-Corollary to the last point: if you want to have a second type of scaling aside from level, you could benefit from "heavy stats". It's easier to pair up a level 1 Hercules beside a level 6 spearman, for example. B/X DnD might just say that Hercules was born a level 6 Fighter and leave it at that.

-It's also an advantage if you want to build monsters according to the same system as player characters. If you're exceptionally worried about balance, this can help allay some of those fears.

-Limiting multi-classing/protecting each classes "niche". There's less reason to multiclassing into Thief if all the Thief abilities are tied to Dex and your Dex is 9.

There's also some advantages to having a system where the stats don't carry much weight:

-Characters with mediocre stats aren't fucked.

-Simplicity is nice.

-Multiclassing isn't so fucked. A magic-user/fighter can still be viable at higher levels in older versions of DnD (whereas they tend to suck in 3.5, for example).

So when you're building your own retroclone or whatever, think hard before you start putting "+dex mod" all over the place instead of "+2" or "+class level". Think about how much weight you want your stats to carry. Should strength extend to carrying capacity? To-hit bonuses? Melee weapon damage bonuses? Bending bars or other skill checks? All of the class abilities?

The right answer depends on what type of game you want to make. Your stats can either be "the foundation upon which everything else depends" or "the stuff that used to matter before I gained my first class level".

Conclusion: This is a pretty shitty essay, but you system-builders should still think about why you factor in ability scores when you do.

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